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Sal's Dinner Scraps

Posted Jul 29, '12 at 1:16am

dudeguy45

dudeguy45

2,594 posts

Let me try and translate Haiku Cuatro:

I have more hunger
I need to die quick
I end now

 

Posted Jul 29, '12 at 1:18pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,950 posts

This one intrests me the most. It's almost like a riddle. Is there a title to it? I'd really like to figure out what it's about.

I don't really have a title, yet I'll hint it has something to do with miss-communication.

I have more hunger
I need to die quick
I end now

Pretty close, but not quite.

Line 1 is correct. Line 2 would be, "I am going to die soon," because Subject + Ir + Infinitive = going to infinitive, and pronto basically means now or soon. Line 3 is tricky. It can only be translated into Spain's Spanish, not Central America's Spanish. Te means to you, termino means I finish, and hoy means today. This would be "we kill us today." It's kind of rough, but that's as best I can translate that line. About a thousand different rules come into play when dealing with it.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 3:24pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,950 posts

I've decided I'm done with haiku for a while.

Hours each day is spent
With a wrench in hand
Bored to a lesser extent
Only sometimes I understand

Creating my transportation
Time is my only limitation
Rocket ship in my warehouse
The moon is my future spouse

 

Posted Aug 2, '12 at 11:53am

thisisnotanalt

thisisnotanalt

8,475 posts

Fractals aren't bad and I'm sure you totally did all the numbery stuff yourself and didn't just manipulate a bunch of parameters in apo or whatever program you're using (what program is that, actually?  It looks nice), amirite? :P anyway the fractals are nice, and I'd like to see some more of those.  As far as the haikus go... the brevity of the haiku is supposed to be an advantage, not a disadvantage.  You  seem to have a basic understanding of how to use the format to create meaning and further impact the reader, but it ends up falling short and turning into ambiguity rather than poignance.   As far as the most recent poem goes, it needs more punctuation.  And by more, I mean any.  Us readers have no idea how you want us to read your poem if it's like that--and when you're just using quatrains with end-stop line breaks, you want to guide us a little bit.  The balance of the quatrain and the lack of interest in the line breaks themselves makes it pretty much impossible to get a truly disjointed feel out of omitting punctuation.  I can't really comment on anything else about the poem now because I don't know how I'm supposed to read it, so I'll get back to you I guess

 
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