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An Agnostic's Dilemma.

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 4:03am

MageGrayWolf

MageGrayWolf

9,673 posts

Knight

On the agnosticism thing. This only speaks of one's knowledge, not of what you believe. Try to be careful not to confuse the two. Also when you're not sure what you believe you can go back and forth between atheist and theist quite often and quite rapidly.

Hey now...saying "There might be a God" doesn't make you agnostic atheist =p

Yes it can. Just because someone says there might be something there says nothing of whether they believe it is there.

Now on to the question. I agree with much of the advice given here. Be open and upfront with here. Tell her that you respect her choices and beliefs. Tell her for that reason you wouldn't want to participate under false pretenses because of this respect you have for her beliefs.

Keep in mind when you're saying "I don't want to do this because I would be lying to God" at some level in her you're saying "I don't want to do this because I would be lying to you." "and I have to much respect for you to do that."

 

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 7:15am

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,877 posts

Knight

I was and still am in parts still a Buddhist. I kind of thought through it, and well, decided I was agnostic, dabbling a little in atheism, getting into the grey area, but whatever. My parents told me I was going to be a Buddhist in my minority, and it was not much of a big deal. We aren't religious and all, and she knew that I wasn't really committed, so she was fine with it.

Religion can be contentious, but only if you make it to be a big part of your life. For the most part, just carry on with your daily life, develop your beliefs slowly, and when you reach adulthood, tell her, you made your choice.

 

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 6:47pm

Roger721

Roger721

614 posts

Now on to the question. I agree with much of the advice given here. Be open and upfront with here. Tell her that you respect her choices and beliefs. Tell her for that reason you wouldn't want to participate under false pretenses because of this respect you have for her beliefs.

Keep in mind when you're saying "I don't want to do this because I would be lying to God" at some level in her you're saying "I don't want to do this because I would be lying to you." "and I have to much respect for you to do that."

I guess that'd be it.

Religion can be contentious, but only if you make it to be a big part of your life. For the most part, just carry on with your daily life, develop your beliefs slowly, and when you reach adulthood, tell her, you made your choice.

Er... I wish it was this simple. But I'm afraid that thing would be a big deal. I can't simply agree with that and still develop my own beliefs. It's like a seal of commitment to follow the religion.
___________________________________________________________

Now... something I've realized... my decision might stir up her own beliefs. I'm afraid that my show of non-believing might make her start to wonder about her beliefs. That's a rather "egocentrical" thought, but it's a risk... I guess.

 

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 6:50pm

Roger721

Roger721

614 posts

~fixing again~

Now... something I've realized... my decision might stir up her own beliefs. I'm afraid that my show of non-believing might make her start to wonder about her beliefs. That's a rather "egocentrical" thought, but it's a risk... I guess.

Call me paranoid, alas, but I'm afraid if that happens... what if I wrote her a letter? I mean, instead of directly talking to her, I could write a note and leave it somewhere she would find when I wasn't around, so... no fights would be started.

 

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 7:39pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,977 posts

Direct is the best method in this case. Leaving a letter would still create conflict, but it would be slightly delayed, and there's no way you'd be able to sufficiently explain yourself in a note. The emotion would likely be lost and she'd see it as though you're "mad at God" or something. Depending on how devout she is, she might set up everything she can to reconvert you, maybe call in a priest or something.

 

Posted Jan 20, '13 at 10:15pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,877 posts

Knight

Call me paranoid, alas, but I'm afraid if that happens... what if I wrote her a letter? I mean, instead of directly talking to her, I could write a note and leave it somewhere she would find when I wasn't around, so... no fights would be started.

No, she'll still hound after you. And speaking is most of the time, more honest, open and better received.

 

Posted Jan 21, '13 at 12:17am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

8,276 posts

Call me paranoid, alas, but I'm afraid if that happens... what if I wrote her a letter? I mean, instead of directly talking to her, I could write a note and leave it somewhere she would find when I wasn't around, so... no fights would be started.

Like nicho said..plus now you have to deal with the annoyances of "why didn't you just talk to me in person" or thereof

Now... something I've realized... my decision might stir up her own beliefs. I'm afraid that my show of non-believing might make her start to wonder about her beliefs. That's a rather "egocentrical" thought, but it's a risk... I guess.

How much faith does she have in her beliefs?
If something like this does happen..you wouldn't be really making her question her beliefs..but be opening the door to a self-truth of hers that maybe she doesn't really have much faith in these beliefs
Again..that is an if..that happens

 

Posted Jan 21, '13 at 6:16am

thebluerabbit

thebluerabbit

2,915 posts

well 3 pages since it started and i dont have time to read everything so i will refer to the begining.

NOOOOOOOOOOO, your mother doesnt sound like one of those extremists who would actually do something if you say no except for giving you the eye once in a while. what i learned in my life is that if you say yes for small things even if you dont want to thinking that "its not that big of a deal" people (espacially family) will start expecting more and more and it will be more difficult to stop. and trust me, its a lonely place you dont want to be in.

i would put an end to this right now and tell her you just dont believe/want to believe/whatever in what she believes and that she has to deal with it.

really... sometimes its up to the children/teenagers to raise the adults and show them the boundries.

but of course... if im wrong and the situation is more extreme then i guessed then you should just do as she says until you dont need her anymore and can take care of yourself. sounds cold... but if its really that extreme its the best thing.

dont let anyone think even for a second they can expect you to be what and who they want you to be. (and this comes for a religious person too)

 

Posted Jan 21, '13 at 8:02am

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,877 posts

Knight

Imagine Sheldon and his mum. Get to that stage.

 

Posted Jan 21, '13 at 12:01pm

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

1,343 posts

ahh agnosticism, the fine line that is hard to balance on.

do you not want to go? I ask this because if you don't want to go, then you assert this. it doesn't matter what he opinion is because it is ultimately your descision. nothing that is worth fighting for has ever been easy to obtain. remember that when you start giving up more and more in order to satisfy her. if you want to be treated with respect for your descision, then make one and stick with it, no matter what it is.

-Blade

 
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