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Official Poetry Contests - Theme: Last Chances (due December 31)

Posted Jun 1, '13 at 7:14pm

Gantic

Gantic

10,049 posts

Moderator

Due to minor computer problems, posting of judging is delayed. Next theme and deadline are already posted.

 

Posted Jun 3, '13 at 11:58pm

Gantic

Gantic

10,049 posts

Moderator

==HAIKU==
Two inputs, my commentary only. Two definitions placed high and that's not to be expected normally.

Parsat

Dinner date at home,
Cosby Show in the background.
Mmm, JELL-O Pudding?

This seems like a rehash of the previous entry but less applicable to the current theme than the previous one. It seems less complete like it's taken out of context. Each line is a little too discrete and disconnected. It seems more like it's avoiding the subject rather than being unwilling to suggest it or even finding a mutual unspoken understanding.

MagicTree
Steely looks, staring,
Silence speaks all to be said,
As Time waltzes on.

A definition of sorts. Steely looks and staring seem redundant. Steely looks don't exactly speak of mamihlapinatapai. The contrast with time waltzing on gives an odd image. Two determined souls staring at each other as time pass around them?

jtjackdog
they share a glance of
need of what the other has,
this is my Haiku.

The last line is a copout and not entirely relevant to the haiku. Filler syllables are understandable, but filler lines are not. It would have been better to submit a couplet or a revised haiku.

Salvidian
Pointlessness is it.
Exacerbating nothing.
But confusing all.

An outsider perspective on mamihlapinatapai wondering what the heck is going on between two people. The periods make the reading very stilted like Yoda tried to write a haiku telling Luke to say what's on his mind.

THIRD
pangtongshu

Longèd hopelessness...
Dare I construct confidence?
For what if I'm wrong?

Longed may be the wrong word here. Why is hopelessness longed for when it is something the speaker wishes to overcome? The haiku otherwise captures the apprehension.

SECOND
HUA7XFan122396

Two unspoken thoughts
A pair of eyes staring back
Asking me to start

A direct definition of mutual want. Simple in its construction with a good image capturing the conflict in a moment.

FIRST
Riptizoid101

Silence fills the air,
Yet stares say more than speech can
And they understand

A direct definition of tacit understanding. This one is written in a passive third person. Not a bad construction.

==POETRY==
As there are only two entries, no winners will be chosen.

EmperorPalpatine
As we were breaking bread,
I thought I'd take her to bed:
The unspoken answer
Was enough to ensure
A wide grin upon my head.

The third and fourth lines don't fit well with the rest of the limerick with regard to rhyme and meter.

Quirinus1
The Tranquilous Tree

Far away, he weeps.
No friends, no heir.
So stubborn. Hybris.

Will he drink the poisonous drink of honey and venom?

I'm not sure this fits the theme. Certainly, mutual non-action will lead to no action, but out of context, this could be about almost anything else.

Congratulations Riptizoid1. Please post your winning entry to ContestWinners to receive your merit.

The theme for June is The War of Love and Death due June 23rd, 2013.
 

Posted Jun 4, '13 at 12:09am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,757 posts

Longed may be the wrong word here. Why is hopelessness longed for when it is something the speaker wishes to overcome?


He does wish to overcome..but fears the outcome (as shown by final line). As from what Wikipedia states: unwilling to suggest or offer themselves.
 

Posted Jun 5, '13 at 6:44pm

MathWiz99

MathWiz99

2 posts

This is my entry for the normal poetry (not haiku)
It's Depressing and long, but its only thing I could come up with.

Two Lovers In a Blood Soaked Night,
Under the old oak tree,
Fighting their battles evermore,
in hopes to getting freed.
For they were meant to be war criminals,
For a war still going on around them,
Both were wounded deeply,
But they held hands everstill.
As the fight grew on,
the Lovers stayed where they were,
Until a cold hand wheeled them,
off in a cart,
for death do them part.

 

Posted Jun 5, '13 at 6:51pm

MathWiz99

MathWiz99

2 posts

My Submission for the Haiku
(just wanted it to get both out in one blow AND ITS DEPRESSING AGAIN!)

Earth shattered like glass
The Kiss that is always last
From shadows of them

 

Posted Jun 11, '13 at 3:13am

Parsat

Parsat

2,223 posts

Take cover, my love,
I lay claims on your embrace:
The right to bear arms.

 

Posted Jun 12, '13 at 10:33pm

Riptizoid101

Riptizoid101

5,833 posts

So I can't enter the haiku contest now that I've won? Poetry contest then!

War's Lost Love

A war that is fought without an army,
Battles that are fought without guns,
Usually fought with words that are smarmy
Yet their words still weigh many tons,
However, both sides conjoin if they no longer develop
A common cause; A goal which both of them
Wished to achieve. A goal which enveloped
Both of them. Their fate had them condemned
Because it was no longer there.

The two fought as foes,
But they withered away, blessed
As friends, And although
Feelings could never be expressed,
Their happiness was guaranteed.

 

Posted Jun 12, '13 at 11:00pm

Gantic

Gantic

10,049 posts

Moderator

You can enter, you just can't win again.

 

Posted Jun 13, '13 at 11:40am

SunPixie

SunPixie

76 posts

A never ending war between mankind.
Not over land and gold,
But of hearts and growing old.
We all want just one,
To keep to ourselves.
Our lovely little secret,
In our souls held by a spell.

A most blissful feeling,
That cannot be compared.
A personal journey,
With only one that can be shared.
But what is true bliss,
Without catastrophe?
How can we reach true joy,
Without agony?

Is not the taste sweeter,
When its prologue was sour?
_____

I believe I'll be submitting this into the non-haiku contest. It isn't exactly up to what I want it to be, but I figure it's at least a semi-decent way to re-enter the AMW. Good luck to all contestants~

 

Posted Jun 19, '13 at 5:56pm

theconquerer111

theconquerer111

173 posts

This is for the general poetry contest:
War causes love and death,
and in each some are lost.
Take for instance, Beth.
She has paid the ultimate cost.
Or take a look at Seth.
He always is getting bossed.
Those who cannot handle
the power of love and death,
are destined to be caught in
The War of Love and Death.

 
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