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Official Poetry Contests - Theme: Bold (due August 24)

Posted Sep 5, '13 at 12:15am

Gantic

Gantic

6,844 posts

Moderator

HAIKU

There's something missing...
I'm not quite sure what to do -
Confusion; question?

But what is missing? This haiku doesn't show anything but it tells of confusion.

Disdainful depart,
It absconded, but I knew,
Something was missing

Something secreted away and not in an amicable manner but what? What is "it"?

The fire in your heart,
Burning so powerfully,
Has come to ashes.

I like the image of fire burning out to represent a void here, even if a burning fire is a cliched metaphor for love or passion.

POETRY

My poem:

.

.

.

.

.

The End.

Maybe this tells the story of a life not lived, but a life not lived is still a life. Is there anything missing when nothing is done or something is done but not a whole lot of it? Has nothing truly been done? The richness of the content is perhaps up to the viewer.

The eyes, they no longer shine,
The glisten that would change my world,
A mind poisoned with fog of hatred.
The hands that would move mountains,
Are lifeless and clouded.
The heart that would burn passion into the sky,
Is a wisp of flame in a ocean of pain.
Something is missing,
And I need it back.

This reads similarly to the haiku. There are more metaphors and similes but I'm not sure it adds more as some of these metaphors odd like clouded hands. However, the contrast of the last two lines are interesting as they doesn't employ figurative language.

The next theme is A Color of Your Choice due September 23rd.

 

Posted Sep 5, '13 at 7:37am

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

+1 for getting it was not a joke.

 

Posted Sep 12, '13 at 3:32am

Reton8

Reton8

2,542 posts

Moderator

Blue

I am blue.
Yes it's true.
I am blue through and through.

In the streets, where I wander,.
People see me and they ponder,
"Why is Reton looking glume?
"I'll talk with him to cheer him some."

Thus I hear the people say,
"Hey, Reton! Why so blue today?"

But I tell them that, "I wish not to talk."
Yet they continue to press me as I walk.

"Is it because your inbox is full of spam?"
"Perhaps that job you wanted didn't land?"
"Did you get run out of your house by rats?"
"Did a neighbor run over both your pet cats?"

"No, no, no!" I reply .
"If you are so curious I will tell you why."

By this I will tell you too,
The reason why I am so very blue.

There is a website that I oft go,
With  a poetry contest that I love so.
Today, as I visited the contest thread,
I noticed that it was rather dead.

Therefore, I am blue.
Yes, I am blue and it's true.
I am blue through and through.

 

Posted Sep 12, '13 at 3:47pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

I haven't done one of these in a while.

her colors

you could have seen the red of her smile

you could have watched the pink buds grow
as you held hands amidst the green
and held fast against your lips to keep

that red of her grinning cheeks

you could have began your day with gold
fanned hair spun fine as thread
spackled sunlight on her skin

maybe the only hue you’d see would be
the light in the sky
the scarf on her neck
her eyes
her eyes

the soft colors in her words

instead of the lonely grey of empty sheets
you wouldn’t have made her eyes run
watery black

and seen her vibrant hues fade from you

 

Posted Sep 12, '13 at 10:29pm

Reton8

Reton8

2,542 posts

Moderator

Fixed an extra period and a spelling mistake.

Blue

I am blue.
Yes it's true.
I am blue through and through.

In the streets, where I wander,
People see me and they ponder,
"Why is Reton looking glum?
"I'll talk with him to cheer him some."

Thus I hear the people say,
"Hey, Reton! Why so blue today?"

But I tell them that, "I wish not to talk."
Yet they continue to press me as I walk.

"Is it because your inbox is full of spam?"
"Perhaps that job you wanted didn't land?"
"Did you get run out of your house by rats?"
"Did a neighbor run over both your pet cats?"

"No, no, no!" I reply .
"If you are so curious I will tell you why."

By this I will tell you too,
The reason why I am so very blue.

There is a website that I oft go,
With  a poetry contest that I love so.
Today, as I visited the contest thread,
I noticed that it was rather dead.

Therefore, I am blue.
Yes, I am blue and it's true.
I am blue through and through.

 

Posted Sep 19, '13 at 5:00pm

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

2,044 posts

Red.
Rose. Blood.
Courage.
Death.

 

Posted Sep 21, '13 at 10:12pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

Love is Clear

What vessel am I,
That can be filled to the top,
And rendered empty?

 

Posted Sep 22, '13 at 1:11am

Nurvana

Nurvana

2,179 posts

I draw this thin blade,
Across these pulsing blue lines,
A trickle of maize

I made this with my brain in the Tavern.

 

Posted Sep 28, '13 at 10:42pm

Gantic

Gantic

6,844 posts

Moderator

Next theme will probably Crumbling Walls.

 

Posted Oct 2, '13 at 10:27pm

Gantic

Gantic

6,844 posts

Moderator

I find the attachment of meaning to color interesting. Red is anger, passion, danger. Yellow is happiness, cowardice, warning. Blue is sadness, calm,  depth. Green is growth, greed, jealousy. Orange is... that bright color sort of with the happiness of yellow and the liveliness of red. Purple is a wealth. Black is dark, death. White is pure. Brown is earthy. Gray is blah:

Mirror, razor, hot cold tap,
Cold spoon, cold bowl, foil warp
Concrete, asphalt, cloudy skies,
Granite birdbath, statues' eyes,
Signpost, guard rail, silver Benz,
Wristwatch, white hair, mirrored lens,
Headlights, flood lights, parking blocks,
Staplers, three-rings, hollow rocks,
Chef knives, ladles, pots and pans,
Light bulbs, hand tools, soda cans,
Nickel, quarter, seven dimes,
Sidewalk, step stones, clinking chimes,
Key ring, door knob, AC vent,
Freezer, fridge door, elephant.

or is it? Colors mean different things in different cultures, but I wasn't surprised when I found most submitters followed the Western color meanings.

POETRY

her colors

you could have seen the red of her smile

you could have watched the pink buds grow
as you held hands amidst the green
and held fast against your lips to keep

that red of her grinning cheeks

you could have began your day with gold
fanned hair spun fine as thread
spackled sunlight on her skin

maybe the only hue you’d see would be
the light in the sky
the scarf on her neck
her eyes
her eyes

the soft colors in her words

instead of the lonely grey of empty sheets
you wouldn’t have made her eyes run
watery black

and seen her vibrant hues fade from you

I applaud the use of multiple colors, bright vibrant colors, to "paint a picture". What color is her scarf or here eyes, I wonder, but I guess he wouldn't know. The metaphors confuse me. I don't know if it was unintentional or to suggest objectophilia or maybe they're both objects so it isn't objectophilia. "spackled sunlight" is an odd phrase given that spackling is used to cover holes, cracks, and other minor surface defects. Would the subject find himself waking up next to a chipped/cracked porcelain doll? Did Ken fail with Barbie where Sir Gawain succeeded with Dame Ragnelle?

I am blue.
Yes it's true.
I am blue through and through.

In the streets, where I wander,
People see me and they ponder,
"Why is Reton looking glum?
"I'll talk with him to cheer him some."

Thus I hear the people say,
"Hey, Reton! Why so blue today?"

But I tell them that, "I wish not to talk."
Yet they continue to press me as I walk.

"Is it because your inbox is full of spam?"
"Perhaps that job you wanted didn't land?"
"Did you get run out of your house by rats?"
"Did a neighbor run over both your pet cats?"

"No, no, no!" I reply .
"If you are so curious I will tell you why."

By this I will tell you too,
The reason why I am so very blue.

There is a website that I oft go,
With  a poetry contest that I love so.
Today, as I visited the contest thread,
I noticed that it was rather dead.

Therefore, I am blue.
Yes, I am blue and it's true.
I am blue through and through.

Those pet cats must be pretty useless if there's a possibility off getting run out by rats and owning two cats, but maybe it's the rats that caused the cats to be brought in. I like the rhyme scheme but I find the rhythm jarring, especially towards the fourth stanza.

Red.
Rose. Blood.
Courage.
Death.

Red is the blood that runs through our veins, our hearts, our wounds, but this poem relies too heavily on already established connections.

HAIKU

Love is Clear

What vessel am I,
That can be filled to the top,
And rendered empty?

What I like most about this entry is that it doesn't rely on tried and true meanings associated with colors. However, it does rely on the title to provide context. Otherwise, it is very concise, incisiveness, and Zen-like.

I draw this thin blade,
Across these pulsing blue lines,
A trickle of maize

I don't know what to make of this. The Flag of Alaska by way of the dancing aurora and the Big Dipper interpreted as a sickle or maybe the blue threads of the flag flapping in the wind? Perhaps a meteor shower against the Big Dipper and aurora?

The next theme is Crumbling Walls, due October 24th.

 
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