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Official Poetry Contests - Theme: November (due November 23)

Posted Apr 10, '14 at 10:22am

jmababa

jmababa

53 posts

Since black and white is May's topic I have lots of that already hahaha don't even need to strain my brain

 

Posted Apr 11, '14 at 9:09am

Shoeminor

Shoeminor

387 posts

Where`s mine????
Anyone judge mine?

 

Posted Apr 11, '14 at 7:26pm

samiel

samiel

415 posts

A cold cobblestone street passes beneath my feet
Tis a wary watchful eye
The raven over me
For that which I can not
It is plain to he
To see
For that which I can not see
Is the waning sea beside me
But the sea I see is blasted and blimey
As I try to put the past behind me
I see but the see beside me
The lines are written finely
All in order and timely
But woe is me for I lack the sea
As I want of the
But I still see blindly
In the city
In the city
In the city
As I still lack the sea beside me.

 

Posted Apr 12, '14 at 10:05pm

Gantic

Gantic

9,692 posts

Moderator

PART II

I've been sitting on this for who-knows-what reason. I finished it been done for a week now.

Colored pencils fall down
The teacher slips and falls down
Hollers all abound!


Use of the same words in the same position tend to take away from a poem and in this case it does. This is less black and white than the other haikus. I'm struggling to find the connection to black and white that isn't as tenuous as black and white color pencils or white chalk on a blackboard or a black kid pranking a white teacher.

Some claim the world is black and white
And some, the other way.
E. L. James saw middle ground,
And wrote "Fifty Shades of Grey."

The title of the book suggests
A new perspective, but,
Turns out, the plot from start to stop
Is teenage fan-fic smut.


The other way from black and white is shades of gray. The meter is in the last two lines of the first stanza. Interesting take on the theme.

Can you see it? There:
Solus, it is nothing. Else,
They define our world.


Ah, well everything is nothing with a twist. It is what it is because it's not what it's not as black is black and white is white.

Where did my prey go?
Here one moment, gone the next.
Hypnotizing horse.


Zebras! So it turns out there is no consistent support for the confusion aspect of a zebra's stripes (also, this older paper). But it gets the point across.

Stars fall deep into
midnight pools of ice.
The snowy moon
slices the night and
white-hot frost spills
free. Stars flow to
embellish a world
that swallows all
sound and color.


There are a lot of images here, but I can't be sure what they all mean. I like the contrast of light and dark that is present throughout a wintry night.

Boast for the Blind

I, a soliloquy, and of relish joyousness
Bare on to thee, with finesse and restlessness
The spectrum of colors to whom it surpasses
A blunt form of knowledge and all of it's classes

Veraciously brought enlightenment, true
Figuratively, overwhelmingly: blue
Humbly crackled of gestures to hue
I bring you back and lecture, so due

God never gave you the ability of sight
You cannot see and this, this isn't alright
But don't leave your mind a feint at night
For there is nothing to love but the light,

And everyone knows, it's all Black and White.


I don't know if the grandiloquence falling to colloquialism works for or against this poem. The breakdown of the bombast from the second to the third stanza is, arguably, the most interesting aspect of this poem, but I can't figure that it means anything. The last line seems to come out of nowhere.

The Two Ancestors

In this world of pain
the colors give faith
but without the ancestors
the color will have not the answers.

The black gives darkness
the light gives brightness
with these two the world is in greatness.

Now you know
let's go and bow
and let them pass through.


This starts off well but the last stanza seems rushed and skips everything in the middle straight past the end. I'm left wondering what the full story is behind this. Why or how does the darkness and brightness result in greatness?

Day in, day out

Before dawn, I look at her
I am in black and white.
I leave and come back
Perpetual cycle
After dusk, I look at her.

I have never lived my life,
but I get to look at her.


Our night minds are greatly different from our day minds. Whether or not this is actually depression related (like the Missy Higgins song) is up for debate. The fourth line in the first stanza seems unnecessary, though.

Theme: A Thin Line

I can see it in perfect 1d,
Without the bold enlining,
A line across the horizon
That soothes my taste to the aligning.


While it's perfectly fine to make up a word for the rhyme if its meaning can be guessed, I'm not sure that word adds much to this poem. The wording seems awkward because it's trying to make it rhyme more than anything else.

Side note: As I understand it, it is saying "I can see the line./It's not a bold line./A line on the horizon./It's nice how it lines up!" The reinforcement of the idea of a "line" (2d, enligning, line, horizon, aligning) isn't thin but rather thick, so that does work against the poem as well.

-----
Winners will be announced tomorrow after I figure some of the logistics.
 

Posted Apr 14, '14 at 2:11am

Shoeminor

Shoeminor

387 posts

By "Not bold",I mean that it is not a thick(bold)line.
Lines are 1d,not 2d.
No offense.

 

Posted Apr 14, '14 at 7:45pm

Gantic

Gantic

9,692 posts

Moderator

Yeah, I made a mistake while typing it up.

Congratulations to Quirinus1 and jeol for their winning poem and haiku, respectively. Merits will have already been credited to your accounts, but please post your winning entries to
ContestWinners.

The current theme is up and there are ten days left enter.

 

Posted Apr 15, '14 at 2:59am

Shoeminor

Shoeminor

387 posts

I saw
A bird flying high
Up
In the air
To see such a sight would be
Strange
Yet we ask the question,
Why?
Why do birds fly up
and we stay down
On this cold
Hard
ground?

 

Posted Apr 27, '14 at 10:39pm

Gantic

Gantic

9,692 posts

Moderator

The next theme will probably be "that feeling when you don't want to get out of bed".

 

Posted Apr 28, '14 at 12:01am

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

6,285 posts

The next theme will probably be "that feeling when you don't want to get out of bed".


http://x1.fjcdn.com/comments/4141167+_0224f3d7b7a909d713fd0f375e4e2f55.jpeg
 

Posted May 1, '14 at 2:51pm

Gantic

Gantic

9,692 posts

Moderator

There are some pending changes to how this "contest" works and there are changes that I have been and will be trying out. This includes the way themes are, what happens after rounds end, and possibly a new thread. There is still only one possible winner for each round (if there are enough entries), but there may be multiple merit awarded. Further details on this later, also on stuff like why this is even still open.

Judgement for last month's submissions will be up later this week. *Probably.*

The current theme is That Feeling When You Don't Want to Get Out of Bed. A "no crutch" rule is in effect. You cannot use the words "bed", "feeling", "don't want to", "get out", or "get up" in your entry. Synonyms are fine. Synecdoche is cool. Symbolism is A-OK. Or you can use other means, just not the specific words and phrases that are not allowed.

After observing the way themes and prompts are approached over the last year, I want to push further up against the boundaries and get people to step outside of their comfort zone. There's something about a themes that somehow limits the approach, not necessarily in the interpretation but the way the poem is constructed, like it's homework or some school assignment, a minimal effort for some questionably tangible reward. There's more quality per word in any entry in First Line Poetry from anyone. Can we get that over here? To be honest, I think FLP has always been a better way approach toward poetry than this thing.

 
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