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Official Poetry Contests - Theme: Unrequited (due October 24)

Posted May 2, '13 at 2:55pm

Gantic

Gantic

7,497 posts

Moderator

Question..did you just give us the obscure meaning you meant for the theme to encompass...after the round ended?

No, just a recap in the way it was approached.

I fail to see what is so confusing about the middle line? It even has two meanings

If that's the case, your construction made it strange. The breaks and grammar aren't natural and it seems like you tried to fit a longer idea in a shorter space by removing words instead of rewording it.

With the singular comma, it reads "the mold crept along standing grounds for times" "destroyed he finds faults within", so the mold is a "he" or there's a vague unnamed "he" not previously mentioned that was destroyed and his destruction was caused directly or indirectly by the mold creeping along the standing grounds. If the mold is a he, he is destroyed at a standing ground and finds fault within himself, or a general He was destroyed by mold at his last stand and finds faults within himself. That doesn't make sense to me. In between the mold creeping along and finding faults within, the connection is lost.

(Also, "for times" seems unnatural. Times is like works or loves. What sort of works? What sort of loves? Works of art? Loves of art? Works of God? all loves? impressive works? ephemeral loves? It's the sort of word that needs a qualifier. For what times? the times? long times? times of desperation? times to come? times he kept? In the singular, it's not ambiguous to what it may be as it is a general all-encompassing idea. In the plural, it's referring to specific subgroups of something, but of what?)

 

Posted May 2, '13 at 3:56pm

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

8,715 posts

If that's the case, your construction made it strange. The breaks and grammar aren't natural and it seems like you tried to fit a longer idea in a shorter space by removing words instead of rewording it.

My style with this haiku isn't a sentence structure made into a haiku, but each line being its own thought (in which they all form into a unified idea that is the story of the haiku).

It's not a common practice, I admit, but it is a practice I've seen done many-a-times (also a practice that many modernist poets seem to enjoy using, kind of..from what I've read)

(Also, "for times" seems unnatural. Times is like works or loves. What sort of works? What sort of loves?

I was actually going for "times" as like generations. Like, when a person refers to a time period as "during this time"..instead in plural.
You are right though..the style I used it in is unorthodox and technically grammatically incorrect.

 

Posted May 8, '13 at 1:31am

Parsat

Parsat

1,810 posts

This narrative is more true than I care to admit. Haiku on mamihlapinatapai.

Dinner date at home,
Cosby Show in the background.
Mmm, JELL-O Pudding?

 

Posted May 16, '13 at 12:56pm

MagicTree

MagicTree

360 posts

This is for the Haiku Contest; Poetry Contest entry coming up soon!

Mamihlapinatapai
Steely looks, staring,
Silence speaks all to be said,
As Time waltzes on.

 

Posted May 19, '13 at 9:56pm

jtjackdog

jtjackdog

33 posts

Haiku time!!!

they share a glance of
need of what the other has,
this is my Haiku.

 

Posted May 21, '13 at 10:01pm

Riptizoid101

Riptizoid101

3,385 posts

Silence fills the air,
Yet stares say more than speech can
And they understand

 

Posted May 22, '13 at 2:00am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,012 posts

Well, since I can't win with a haiku this round, and no one's entered anything for General Poetry yet, here's a crappy limerick:

As we were breaking bread,
I thought I'd take her to bed:
The unspoken answer
Was enough to ensure
A wide grin upon my head.

 

Posted May 24, '13 at 2:09pm

Quirinus1

Quirinus1

150 posts

The Tranquilous Tree

Far away, he weeps.
No friends, no heir.
So stubborn. Hybris.

Will he drink the poisonous drink of honey and venom?

 

Posted May 24, '13 at 3:31pm

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

8,715 posts

Haiku Contest

Longèd hopelessness...
Dare I construct confidence?
For what if I'm wrong?

 

Posted May 24, '13 at 4:42pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,950 posts

Pointlessness is it.
Exacerbating nothing.
But confusing all.

Longèd hopelessness...

Pretty sure your accent is backwards.

 
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