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EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,456 posts
2,630

Create a fallacious, extrapolated outcome (positive or negative) for the above person's scenario.

P1: I drank some water
P2: When you drink some water, you later need to pee. When you pee, you need to flush. When you flush, the toilet malfunctions. When the toilet malfunctions, it floods your house. When your house is flooded, your feet will get wet with sewage. Don't let your feet get wet with sewage. Don't drink water.

I took out the trash.

P3: When you take out the trash, it gets taken away. When it gets taken away, you realize you dropped your keys in the can. When you realize you dropped your keys in the can, you chase after the truck. When you chase after the truck, you get hit by a bus. When you get hit by a bus, you're taken to a cheap hospital. When you're taken to a cheap hospital, they accidentally switch your records. When they accidentally switch your records, you wake up surrounded by strangers who call you Bill. Don't wake up surrounded by strangers who call you Bill. Don't take out the trash.

I ate a cheeseburger.

P4: When you eat a cheeseburger, you think you're getting fat. When you think you're getting fat, you go to the gym. When you go to the gym, you feel confident. When you feel confident, you are assertive to your boss. When you're assertive to your boss, you get promoted. When you get promoted, the secretary notices. When the secretary notices, she introduces you to her cute, unmaried, younger sister. Always eat cheeseburgers.

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I blew my nose in public.

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R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,223 posts
8,980

You got these from the Statefarm commercials didn't you?

When you blow your nose in public, a booger flies out. When a booger flies out, it lands on a person. When it lands on a person, they turn into a mutant rat. When they turn into a mutant rat, they'll watch soap operas on your couch. Don't blow your nose in publc.

I made a taco.

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,456 posts
2,630

You got these from the Statefarm commercials didn't you?

DirecTV. StateFarm is the "Like a good neighbor" jingle and the guy appears.

When you make a taco, you can't decide between using a hard shell or a soft shell. When you can't decide between using a hard shell or a soft shell, you ask the guy next to you. When you ask the guy next to you, he tells you to "listen to your heart". When he tells you to "listen to your heart, you do. When you do, you kiss him. When you kiss him, he fractures your skull, 6 ribs, right arm, left leg, and coccyx. When he fractures your skull, 6 ribs, right arm, left leg, and coccyx, he grinds what's left of you into taco meat. Don't get ground into taco meat. Don't make tacos.

I spun around on my swivel chair for hours.
Nerdsoft
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Nerdsoft
1,296 posts
410

When you spin around on swivel chairs for hours, you fly off. When you fly off, you hit your computer. When you hit your computer, you break your computer. When you break your computer, it electrocutes you. When it electrocutes you, you get paralysed. When you get paralysed, you can't call for help. When you can't call for help, you starve. Don't spin around on your swivel chair, you'll starve.
I ate a fajita.

R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,223 posts
8,980

When you eat a fajita, Mexico gets angry. When Mexico gets angry, they come to your house. When they come to your house, they start trashing it. When they start trashing it, your friends see. When your friends see, they start a party at your house. Always eat a fajita.

I pet a dog.

theEPICgameKING
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theEPICgameKING
1,017 posts
2,175

When you pet a dog, you didn't check to see if the dog has rabies. When you don't check to see if the dog has rabies, the dog bites you. When the dog bites you, the rabies virus mutates into the Zombie Virus. When the rabie virus mutates into the Zombie Virus, you end up causing the Zompocolypse. Don't cause the Zompocolypse. Don't pet a dog!!!! ...or if you do, check to see if it has rabies.

MattEmAngel
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MattEmAngel
7,874 posts
4,240

EPICgameKING: fail. How about the "part 2?"

I stayed up late.

Poizaz00
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Poizaz00
625 posts
775

When you stay up late, you wake up late. When you wake up late, you wake up after a fire has started. When you wake up after a fire has started, you suffocate from smoke. Don't stay up late.

I'm a hypocrite.

MattEmAngel
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MattEmAngel
7,874 posts
4,240

When you're a hypocrite, people stop believing you. When people stop believing you, you lose your friends. When you lose your friends, you try to find new friends. When you try to find new friends, you can't. When you can't, you buy puppets and pretend they're alive. When you buy puppets and pretend they're alive, you pretend you're also a puppet. When you pretend you're a puppet, you hang yourself. Don't hang yourself. Don't be a hypocrite.

I got to class on time.

R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,223 posts
8,980

When you get to class on time, the world ends. When the world ends, you die. When you die, the world also dies. When the world dies, a new world is made. When a new world is made, you come back to life. Always come back to life. Always get to class on time.

I farted.

hardigra
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hardigra
191 posts
65

When you fartted, there was a cataclysmic supervolcanic eruption. When there is a cataclysmic supervolcanic eruption, there are earthquakes and tsunamis everywhere. When there are earthquakes and tsunamis everywhere, there are crop failures. When there are crop failures, people starve. When people starve there os less activity on the AG forums. When there are less activity on AG, even more people die of boredom.
DO NOT FART

I wrote a poem.

VioletFang
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VioletFang
57 posts
580

When you write a poem, you remember how emotionally scarred you are. When you remember how emotionally scarred you are, you call for takeout. When you call for takeout, you become the lucky winner and get $500. When you get $500, all of your friends get jealous. When all of your friends get jealous, you feel bad and take them out to dinner. When you take them out to dinner, your @#$hole friend orders everything on the menu. When your @#$hole friend orders everything on the menu, you go broke. When you go broke, you go to prison. When you go to prison, you get a tattoo. When you get a tattoo, you start to like prison. When you start to like prison, they kick you out. When they kick you out, you go back home. When you go back home, you notice the unwritten poem on your desk. When you notice the unwritten poem on your desk, you start to write. When you start to write, you feel your tattoo start to burn. When you feel your tattoo start to burn, you remember some great moments in prison. When you remember some great moments in prison, you write an awesome poem. When you write an awesome poem, you get a Nobel Prize. When you get a Nobel Prize, your parents finally love you. You should probably write a poem.
(whew)

I hugged a fluffy cat...

R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,223 posts
8,980

When you hug a fluffy cat, a dog sees. When a dog sees, it gets jealous. When it gets jealous, it attacks you. When it attacks you, you pee yourself. When you pee yourself, you walk home naked. Don't walk home naked, don't hug a fluffy cat.

I ate a sausage.

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