ForumsArt, Music, and WritingShort Story Contest

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EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

Rules:

1. Type up a short story of 500 words or less (I probably won't count unless it's really long).
2. It must be original (NO PLAGARIZING!).
3. It must be written for this contest, not one you wrote up earlier.
4. It must fit the contest theme within a reasonable degree of interpretation.
5. It must be submitted at or before 11:59pm AGtime on the deadline date.
6. One official submission per user per round. If you make more than one, denote which is the official entry.
7. The same user can't win twice in a row, but can enter for fun.
8. Nothing too gory/obscene.
9. No excessive foul language.
10. Have fun!

General Notes:

Make sure it's structured the way you want it to be before submitting to avoid repeats.
!!!Tab doesn't indent in the text box and can lead to accidental submissions!!!
Please indent paragraphs by starting a new line with enter, then spacebar 3-10 times (whatever you want, but be consistant)
Greater than and less than symbols can sometimes cut off your post.
Some characters/fonts are not recognized/accepted by the text box.

Theme and Due Date:

I (or future co-judges) will choose the theme and due date every week or two, depending on how popular this gets. If you're interested in being a co-judge, message me.

The current theme is: Sliver of Silver
Due: in one week - Mar 3

  • 75 Replies
StormWalker
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StormWalker
8,286 posts
Scribe

Hooray, thanks Emp.
Calling you Emp sounds weird.

Salvidian
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Salvidian
4,229 posts
Blacksmith

Yeah, it sounds like hemp.

*Stares awkwardly*

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

it sounds like hemp.

I should get some of that. I tend to write my best stuff while high, often from tiredness, but still.


Ample Answer
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blk2860 - Hospital

Stuff that was good: The action was quick. What was happening was detailed enough to be 'visible'.
Stuff to improve: Didn't seem to fit the theme. The plot was repetitive and deus ex machina. Are their restraints really that crappy to break twice in a row? Although the action imagery was good, add more scenery elements. You were under the word limit by 374 (although it seems like everyone other than StormWalker thought the limit was still 500, so 74 under it). Use that excess to your advantage.

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Maverick4 - Cave

Stuff that was good: The first lines really set the tone. It reminds me of Amnesia, like something you'd find in a really good custom story. The desperation is deafening.
Stuff to improve: Didn't seem to fit the theme.

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StormWalker - Words

Stuff that was good: The story actually ended with closure, at least from the main character's perspective. The word choice was extensive, yet appropriate. The imagery was good.
Stuff to improve: There didn't seem to be a lot of depth to it, nor much character development/transition. I was expecting more of a "he reads something simple that radically changes his ways/perspective/lifestyle" ending.

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BrainpanSonata - Detective

Stuff that was good: It's written believably as someone's thoughts. "Nutjob" reminds me of Billy in Predator, except he didn't win.
Stuff to improve: The line "I am honestly scared right now" seems too blatant. Make it more inferrable: "My hand began to shake, uncertain if to clench into a fist or to fall off", as that alludes to the fight or flight reaction.

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Quirinus1 - Garden

Stuff that was good: Very strong rhythm and flow. Plenty of alliteration. Lots of metaphors. More a poem than a story. To essentially end it with "bring it on" is great.
Stuff to improve: Some minor inconsistancies:"awake" should be "awaken"; although awkward, "spilled" should be "spill" to keep it all in the present; "Nor time, nor place" should be "Neither time, nor place".

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Salvidian - Message

Stuff that was good: The lack of punctuation effectively speeds up the first line. You personified the answering machine with the label "she" rather than "it", making the annoyance seem intentional, spiteful. You used lot of negatively toned words to show that the main character was in a FML stage. With the semi-cliffhanger ending, the message itself reminds me of the suitcase in Pulp Fiction: you don't know what's in it, but you know it's desirable.
Stuff to improve: Generally, numbers less than 10 (sometimes less than 20) are written out. "Pass days" should be "Past days". The line "my tools were without any form of remorse" was a bit unclear. I thought maybe he cut himself or something, considering the urgency with which he ran into the room. When sore, most would stagger like a zombie in the general direction of their goal, then flop down like a breaching whale.

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Somewhat49 - Sign

Stuff that was good: The underlying theme of "challenging the authority leads to suffering" was strong. The symbolism of the pitch black man with the friendly smile being the Satan of the story was fitting. The sign being pink was a good choice, as pink symbolizes caring and tenderness. "The sign was...looking down on him" reminded me of the billboard in The Great Gatsby, but in this case, it's nowhere near as passive of an observer.
Stuff to improve: Some sentences didn't seem to flow as well as they could have, and some were run-on. Although I'm not weighing grammatical errors against the story, there were plenty. The first line seemed unnecessary; you could've started with the dialogue and nothing would change.

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And the winner is...
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Quirinus1

The next theme is Winding Wind due May 3.
EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

I'm keeping the limit at 800 words for now.

StormWalker
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StormWalker
8,286 posts
Scribe

Okay. Yay, judgings, and I'll try to do more character stuffs if it pleases thee sir.

Somewhat49
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Somewhat49
1,632 posts
Peasant

Yea I couldn't really think of how to make winding wind a theme.

Quirinus1
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Quirinus1
157 posts
Shepherd

Ill try to come up with something before the deadline

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

Well, that was fun. New round!
Pertinent Pause due May 17.

StormWalker
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StormWalker
8,286 posts
Scribe

XD Winding wind is just hard.
Pertinent pause it is.

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

Word limit = 800

Quirinus1
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Quirinus1
157 posts
Shepherd

17 May is tomorrow! Oh darn.

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

You've still got over 37hrs. Less sleep (8), 8hrs of work each day (16), meals (5), maybe something extra (3). 5hrs of free time. At 3wpm, you'd have a full story.

StormWalker
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StormWalker
8,286 posts
Scribe

I may fall out of this for a while because exams and lazy. I'll try to get something in by tomarrow.

Somewhat49
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Somewhat49
1,632 posts
Peasant

I made something about 5 days ago, but felt like the plot was too boring so I've been trying to come up with another one. Might just send in the first one.

EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
9,427 posts
Jester

Well, this round's over. No entries. If you made something, but didn't submit it, feel free to post it here for feedback.

New theme: Vast Veil
Due: May 31 11:59pm
Word limit: 800

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