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Why do we do what we do?

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 7:09am

partydevil

partydevil

5,291 posts

i often think about the human psychology, how we behave in different situations, with different people around us.
what we do & don't to get attention and acceptance. what we do & don't to avoid certain people and situations.

what makes our brains to go highwire when we meet that special one, this soulmate?
why didn't we get this feeling when we met someone almost identical to this one, but at the same time so different person?

what makes us do so much for someone else, when we're not even doing anything even close to that for ourselves? or are all those things we do for others just another way for us to something for ourselves?
are we forever bound to be selfish, but with manipulative excuses (such as favors) to hide our true intentions?

 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 8:38am

toemas

toemas

348 posts

i think when you get around those fiiiiiiiine ladies you turn into a "partydevil"....

 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 9:55am

MacII

MacII

1,369 posts

what makes our brains to go highwire when we meet that special one, this soulmate?


One oft-ignored aspect is actually smell.

Yes, smell. A rudimentary faculty to most of us, sadly. But still powerful, if mostly unconsciously so.

Look it up. No kidding.
 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 12:24pm

thebluerabbit

thebluerabbit

5,372 posts

yup... plenty of sexual attraction and love stuff are connected to smell.

anyway, when it comes to selfishness EVERY act we do is so we gain something in a not so direct way.

you give someone a present? you want them to like you more. or even more indirect: you want them to feel good because them feeling good makes YOU feel good.

if you wouldnt gain something then you probably wouldnt do something. and gaining something can mean the most smallest thing like this nice feeling in our tummy.

so i personally wouldnt call it selfish. i dont think theres anything bad of thinking about yourself when doing things, in the end we always do (we refers to pretty much any living being).

 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 12:37pm

partydevil

partydevil

5,291 posts

smell

in this world where everyone buy's their smell, why doesn't it have the same effect with everyone else who bought that smell?
even without that. i dont think that our smells are so unique that there are so few with that smell that triggers it for you.

you give someone a present? you want them to like you more. or even more indirect: you want them to feel good because them feeling good makes YOU feel good.

what about supporting people to do something that will make yourself feel less good?
for example: what if a very close friend find love abroad. and he is going to move there. of course you will support your friend to find his happiness, but at the same time you know you will lose him...
why do we still support them when we have nothing to gain and only to lose from it?
 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 12:42pm

partydevil

partydevil

5,291 posts

a bit more about the smell.

what about people who got in love over the i-net 1000's of miles away? they can't have smelled each others...

 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 5:05pm

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

10,003 posts

Related articles on scent and attraction

Sex and Scent

Power of smell in picking sex partner

The Smell Report

Also, there was a study done where men were given the hypothetical option of a moderately attractive girl who smelled great, and a supermodel who smelled bad...and a majority of the time the men chose the moderately attractive girl..I'll have to see if I can find it.

i dont think that our smells are so unique that there are so few with that smell that triggers it for you.


Fun fact:
Everyone has their own scent.

what about people who got in love over the i-net 1000's of miles away? they can't have smelled each others...


I would first question if they have really fallen in love with the person, or the idea of that person (as in, the idea of being with that person/someone..the excitement..etc.)

Next, as I pointed out, the smell doesn't lead to love, but it is a major factor in choosing our mates. It isn't necessary, just very helpful
 

Posted Jul 25, '13 at 5:49pm

HahiHa

HahiHa

5,520 posts

Knight

I wanted to comment on the scent issues of partydevil, but pang already took good care of that.

In the end it's not one particular thing that makes you fall for someone, it's a mix of certain features and often circumstance. As are many other things aside of attraction.

what makes us do so much for someone else, when we're not even doing anything even close to that for ourselves?

Well it's often harder to do something for ourselves than for others, if for example you can immediately detect that a certain person needs something, but have a harder time admitting to yourself that you also need it. For example.
 

Posted Jul 26, '13 at 6:38am

MacII

MacII

1,369 posts

Thanks for those links, Pangtongshu.

[quote=partydevil]in this world where everyone buy's their smell, why doesn't it have the same effect with everyone else who bought that smell?[/quote]

[quote=pangtongshu]Fun fact:
Everyone has their own scent.[/quote]

Also, everyone's scent (pheromones) doesn't grok with the same people. As they themselves, as well as our reception of them, may vary, over time and owing to circumstance. Ah, the doors to endless diversity...!

It's also not the only thing that makes us tick, of course. I just mostly find it a fascinating concept. There have been times in my life when I found myself more aware of subtle scents around me than at others. Why, I do not know. But it suggests it is open for more awareness and so active usage of it. Much the same as we use and are aware of our other senses, as it were (and themselves arguably in more or less refined ways).

Well it's often harder to do something for ourselves than for others, if for example you can immediately detect that a certain person needs something, but have a harder time admitting to yourself that you also need it. For example.


Well put, and another angle too easily overlooked. In order to find out what is egoism or not, one would of course first need to define which is which. A classic reading tip I guess would be Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956).
 

Posted Jul 26, '13 at 6:44am

MacII

MacII

1,369 posts

Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956)


ps Partydevil, I take it you're a fellow Dutchman? It's known in Dutch as Liefhebben, een kunst, een kunde, first published in 1962.
 
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