ForumsWEPRWhy do we do what we do?

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partydevil
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partydevil
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i often think about the human psychology, how we behave in different situations, with different people around us.
what we do & don't to get attention and acceptance. what we do & don't to avoid certain people and situations.

what makes our brains to go highwire when we meet that special one, this soulmate?
why didn't we get this feeling when we met someone almost identical to this one, but at the same time so different person?

what makes us do so much for someone else, when we're not even doing anything even close to that for ourselves? or are all those things we do for others just another way for us to something for ourselves?
are we forever bound to be selfish, but with manipulative excuses (such as favors) to hide our true intentions?

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toemas
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toemas
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i think when you get around those fiiiiiiiine ladies you turn into a &quotartydevil"....

MacII
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MacII
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what makes our brains to go highwire when we meet that special one, this soulmate?


One oft-ignored aspect is actually smell.

Yes, smell. A rudimentary faculty to most of us, sadly. But still powerful, if mostly unconsciously so.

Look it up. No kidding.
thebluerabbit
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thebluerabbit
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yup... plenty of sexual attraction and love stuff are connected to smell.

anyway, when it comes to selfishness EVERY act we do is so we gain something in a not so direct way.

you give someone a present? you want them to like you more. or even more indirect: you want them to feel good because them feeling good makes YOU feel good.

if you wouldnt gain something then you probably wouldnt do something. and gaining something can mean the most smallest thing like this nice feeling in our tummy.

so i personally wouldnt call it selfish. i dont think theres anything bad of thinking about yourself when doing things, in the end we always do (we refers to pretty much any living being).

partydevil
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partydevil
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smell

in this world where everyone buy's their smell, why doesn't it have the same effect with everyone else who bought that smell?
even without that. i dont think that our smells are so unique that there are so few with that smell that triggers it for you.

you give someone a present? you want them to like you more. or even more indirect: you want them to feel good because them feeling good makes YOU feel good.

what about supporting people to do something that will make yourself feel less good?
for example: what if a very close friend find love abroad. and he is going to move there. of course you will support your friend to find his happiness, but at the same time you know you will lose him...
why do we still support them when we have nothing to gain and only to lose from it?
partydevil
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partydevil
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a bit more about the smell.

what about people who got in love over the i-net 1000's of miles away? they can't have smelled each others...

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
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Related articles on scent and attraction

Sex and Scent

Power of smell in picking sex partner

The Smell Report

Also, there was a study done where men were given the hypothetical option of a moderately attractive girl who smelled great, and a supermodel who smelled bad...and a majority of the time the men chose the moderately attractive girl..I'll have to see if I can find it.

i dont think that our smells are so unique that there are so few with that smell that triggers it for you.


Fun fact:
Everyone has their own scent.

what about people who got in love over the i-net 1000's of miles away? they can't have smelled each others...


I would first question if they have really fallen in love with the person, or the idea of that person (as in, the idea of being with that person/someone..the excitement..etc.)

Next, as I pointed out, the smell doesn't lead to love, but it is a major factor in choosing our mates. It isn't necessary, just very helpful
HahiHa
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HahiHa
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I wanted to comment on the scent issues of partydevil, but pang already took good care of that.

In the end it's not one particular thing that makes you fall for someone, it's a mix of certain features and often circumstance. As are many other things aside of attraction.

what makes us do so much for someone else, when we're not even doing anything even close to that for ourselves?

Well it's often harder to do something for ourselves than for others, if for example you can immediately detect that a certain person needs something, but have a harder time admitting to yourself that you also need it. For example.
MacII
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Thanks for those links, Pangtongshu.

[quote=partydevil]in this world where everyone buy's their smell, why doesn't it have the same effect with everyone else who bought that smell?[/quote]

[quote=pangtongshu]Fun fact:
Everyone has their own scent.[/quote]

Also, everyone's scent (pheromones) doesn't grok with the same people. As they themselves, as well as our reception of them, may vary, over time and owing to circumstance. Ah, the doors to endless diversity...!

It's also not the only thing that makes us tick, of course. I just mostly find it a fascinating concept. There have been times in my life when I found myself more aware of subtle scents around me than at others. Why, I do not know. But it suggests it is open for more awareness and so active usage of it. Much the same as we use and are aware of our other senses, as it were (and themselves arguably in more or less refined ways).

Well it's often harder to do something for ourselves than for others, if for example you can immediately detect that a certain person needs something, but have a harder time admitting to yourself that you also need it. For example.


Well put, and another angle too easily overlooked. In order to find out what is egoism or not, one would of course first need to define which is which. A classic reading tip I guess would be Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956).
MacII
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Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956)


ps Partydevil, I take it you're a fellow Dutchman? It's known in Dutch as Liefhebben, een kunst, een kunde, first published in 1962.
MacII
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Thanks for those links, Pangtongshu.


Then pps amazing isn't it how that first link then immediately cashes in on it, advocating their "female sexuality patch," LOL :-P It'd be kind of funny if it weren't a litte sad.

(And I guess the ambiguousness of the &quotatch" here in this computer age must indeed be entirely unintentional. Download the full product, now! )
partydevil
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partydevil
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Also, there was a study done where men were given the hypothetical option of a moderately attractive girl who smelled great, and a supermodel who smelled bad...and a majority of the time the men chose the moderately attractive girl..I'll have to see if I can find it.

it's known that models are sexually less attractive to man then "the girl next door". models are models because they are easy to fit in anything.

Everyone has their own scent.

but it isn't as unique as a fingerprint or eye structure. i didn't seek for it but my guess is that there are just so many differences. maybe a few millions sure. but not 7billion. also do i not smell the same every day. sometimes it's worse. sometimes it's even quite nice... then i put on deodorant, and the other time it's perfume. (male perfume of course, befor you all going to pretend weird things. =P ) will i be attractive one day an the next day not? is that why it most relations fail so fast? if so, then are those marketing boys from axe right with this?

I would first question if they have really fallen in love with the person, or the idea of that person (as in, the idea of being with that person/someone..the excitement..etc.

i guess only experience can tell that. plz. just make the assumption that it is. =)

Next, as I pointed out, the smell doesn't lead to love

ive must have missed that sorry. then what does lead to love aswell? like smell would be a factor in real life. what are the others?

In the end it's not one particular thing that makes you fall for someone, it's a mix of certain features and often circumstance. As are many other things aside of attraction.

like? =)

i think there needs some close relations between the 2 people. like certain life experiences (either good or bad). and things you both like to do. but i have that same with my (new) friends and i like my friends allot., but i dont love them. just love as a friend. so what else makes us want to talk, see and think about that special person all day long? what are the 3rd 4th and maybe other factors?

Well it's often harder to do something for ourselves than for others, if for example you can immediately detect that a certain person needs something, but have a harder time admitting to yourself that you also need it. For example.

good point, hadn't thought of that befor.. thx.

i myself had the idea that we will never know the other person aswell as the others. and are more easy to forget about other peoples bad side then our own bad side. so someone has less care for themself as for the other. a classic example of this would be, cleaning.

It's also not the only thing that makes us tick, of course. I just mostly find it a fascinating concept.

it is of course. and there is no denying that it is a factor. but ide like to go think about the other things that people do or dont do, and how that either consciously or unconsciously differences there way of behaving.
thats why ide like to to keep the idea in mind that the 2 people in this concept did never meet in real life. beside that, anything go's phones, videochat, playing games together. etc. you name it. =P just never met. =)

Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956)

is that like the old age "masterflirt"? or does it go deeper into where the emotions and such are coming from? was he in this book able to observe it from 3rd person while experiencing it 1st hand? that would be the best scenario. =)
(i wont be needing a masterflirt. =P )
partydevil
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partydevil
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i myself had the idea that we will never know the other person aswell as ourselves.
partydevil
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partydevil
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sorry for tripple, just got a check on pang's links.
and they all seem to be about smell and sexuality...
but is love just the sex? love is so much more then just that. (and there is no sex in a distant relationship. =/ )

HahiHa
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but it isn't as unique as a fingerprint or eye structure. i didn't seek for it but my guess is that there are just so many differences. maybe a few millions sure. but not 7billion. also do i not smell the same every day. sometimes it's worse. sometimes it's even quite nice... then i put on deodorant, and the other time it's perfume. (male perfume of course, befor you all going to pretend weird things. =P ) will i be attractive one day an the next day not? is that why it most relations fail so fast? if so, then are those marketing boys from axe right with this?

No, Axe commercials are not right. The only thing deo does is covering a part of your own smell, in the best case making you a bit less unattractive. But I think I remember a study saying people, especially women, were able to unconsciously smell the more attractive people even through the deo. And this body smell doesn't change, only what you use to cover it up (besides, too much deo or perfume may as well turn off the ladies :P )

like? =)

Where do I start.... like your sexual orientation (obviously), or your preferences concerning: physical traits, clothing, sound of laughter, habits, etc. of the other person, the way they talk/write/express themselves, their humour, vocabulary, extrovertedness, etc. etc. And also the situation/state you're in, like hormones; I'd wager you're more likely to fall in love with someone when under an adrenaline boost than when depressive, for example.

Something more general about why we do certain things and how we react to certain situations; it depends also on just how much you were expecting something to happen. This definitely will impact your reaction. How many times have you imagined a certain situations and how you would behave, and when suddenly it actually happens you react completely differently? Of course there's also the factor of the presence of others around you, and more, but this just as a thought.
MageGrayWolf
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what about supporting people to do something that will make yourself feel less good?
for example: what if a very close friend find love abroad. and he is going to move there. of course you will support your friend to find his happiness, but at the same time you know you will lose him...
why do we still support them when we have nothing to gain and only to lose from it?


Doing otherwise could result in an even greater personal loss.
Making your friend feel good = to you feeling good
Losing your friend = to you feeling less good.
Losing your friend + making them feel good = you feel less good but better for making your friend feel good.
losing your friend + not making them feel good = you feel less good and don't receive a better feeling from making your friend feel better.
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