Forums → The Tavern → Change and transformation

I am going through a time when I am confronted with change and transformation. At the end of this period, I will have gained a formed personality and a life. And right now, I feel pretty insecure about it. All of it. I know I am capable of doing it, but I am not certain whether I am fulfilling my true potential or not. I have spent the first four years of the part of childhood that I begin to remember with my mother and three brothers in a small town in a filthy house. There were mountains of filthy clothes inside, spread all over the house, clothes which I never knew where they came from. And I kept hearing rats in the walls. But I can't say I loathed it. I was with my brothers and mother and was a bright pupil. Then, after two costly and time consuming trials, I moved in with my father and his wife, in the capital, across the country. For six years, I didn't have a personal computer at home and from time to time, I went to my aunt that had one and played video games on it. But those occasions were pretty rare, as she stood far away from my parent's apartment. I remained a bright student, I think this is one of the reasons that kept me that way, in fact, I thank my parents for not buying me one.
The main diversion from the boring times of school and vacation was reading. I've taken up reading in the third grade, when I had discovered a small public library very near my small, filthy house in my mother's town. I've read quite a lot. I've read a number of classics and brilliant books, but I've also read a lot of crap, I didn't really care what I read as long as it passed the time. In this period, I felt a strong feeling of exclusion, because the only social contact I had was school, because I, by nature, tend to be an introvert and there weren't many kids on the block I grew up on with my dad. And he wouldn't let me go elsewhere. Also, I felt somewhat close to one kid with which I had long conversations about video games I've never played and football games I've never watched. I haven't talked to him in years since I left elementary school.
Now, I'm in high school in the eleventh grade, one of the best schools in town, downtown. There are lots of snobbish people, but at least I don't have to worry about bullies and stuff. I have four or five good friends and a laptop for almost six months and a girlfriend for a lot longer, but I still have issues. I really am into writing. I've started a blog where I've published my writings. I've gotten a certain amount of appreciation. The thing I'm concerned about is that I want t keep writing, but I don't really know what to do in life. I have a number of things in mind for insuring the financial part, but, as I've said, i'm not sure about them. I stopped liking my girlfriend a long time ago and I was staying with her just so I could have sex with her, but one day she made it clear to me that she is not yet ready and she will be , but I'm not willing to put up with it. It's not that I'm desperate to achieve this thing, I was just hoping to do it.I am tormented by comparisons with others, although I realize I am not as bad as I see myself. I am constantly insecure about myself, with times when I have the feeling I am the king of the world and times where I wish I would die. I don't thinks this forum is the time and place for it, but I just felt like writing this.