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Been doing some short stories and thought I would share.
This first one is called Other Side.
I use to be an ordinary person. I would go to work each day at the office and come home to watch the latest news on tv. I would sometimes help out at the local church on the weekends. Today when I woke up I felt different some how. My whole body felt stiff and sore, but worse than that I had this unbearable hunger.
I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Opening the refrigerator door I began grabbing what ever was closest to the front and tried eating it right there. Something was wrong. Nothing tasted right, it was like eating cardboard. I quickly spit the food out. Had it gone bad? No, I just got this food yesterday. I tried something else, again the food tasted wrong, but I ate it anyway trying to satisfy the growing hunger in me. No matter how much of this food I tried to eat the hunger just got worse.
It had been hours and by this time I had torn apart my kitchen looking for something that would fill me up, but everything tasted wrong. The stiff sore feeling had gone away, but the hunger in me had now become ravenous. I felt like I was starving. Then I heard a soft knock on my door. I looked up and again 'knock knock'. I opened the front door and looked down to find a little girl who couldn't have been no older then eight at most. She wore a girl scout uniform and was holding a box of cookies in both hands. She looked up at me with big brown doe like eyes and held the box of cookies out towards me. "Would you like to by some cookies mister?" she asked. The hunger pain lurched inside of me! YES, THIS, THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO EAT!
I don't know how long I was out but I was brought back around to the sound a woman screaming. I must have blacked out from hunger, but the hunger was gone now. I looked down at my hands, they were covered in blood. I began to look around, on the floor next to me was the little girl. At least I think it was her. She had been torn apart. Becoming more aware I could feel the blood caked on around my mouth. I had eaten the little girl. I looked over at the screaming woman, as I stumbled to my feet. She looked like the little girls mother. She must have been waiting for her at the end of the street and saw me pull the little girl inside. In a panic the woman grabbed a large knife I had left laying on the counter next to her. She came charging at me and I reeled back as she pierced my chest with the knife.
I looked down at the blade now sticking out of me. It was strange, it didn't hurt at all. I didn't care though, because the hunger was coming back again and this time I knew what I wanted to eat.
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Do You Think I'm Pretty
A man went to a bar one night looking to pick up girls. There he met a beautiful young lady sitting at the bar. He introduced himself and bought her a drink. All she said to him was "do you think I'm pretty?" he of course said "Yes, very much so."
He talked to her the whole night with her full attention on him, not saying a word just smiling. It got late and the bar was about to close, he asked the young lady if she would like to come back to his place. The girl just smiled got up from her stool and walked towards the door only stopping for a moment to look back at the man and winked before stepping outside. The man quickly got up and followed, but when he got outside the young lady was nowhere to be found. The man thought perhaps he misunderstood and went to his car a bit disappointed.
As he drove home he thought he heard her "Do you think I'm pretty?" He wrote it off as his imagination and to much to drink and drove on. Again this time very clear he heard her voice "Do you think I'm pretty?" he stopped the car and looked around but saw no one.
Scared now he began to roll down his window when he felt someone grab his arm. and he heard in a gurgled unearthly voice "Do you think I'm pretty?" The man turned and in the passenger seat was a mutilated bloated corpse with it's hand firmly wrapped around his arm.
Black goo oozed from it's mouth as it said again "Do you think I'm pretty?" and it leaned in as if to kiss the man.
The next morning the man was found barely alive with his face looking as if it was eaten off.
Knock Knock Knock
One night a small boy about four or five got out of bed for a glass of water. As he passed the front door he heard 'knock knock knock' from the other side of it. Unsure of why anyone would be visiting at this late hour he went to his parent's room and woke his father, telling him that someone was at the front door. His father in a groggy state got up and shuffled to the door. When he opened it, no one was there. His father put the boy to bed figuring he must have just dreamed it.
The next night the boy again got out of bed to use the bathroom down the hall. The boy closed the door to the bathroom and he heard from the other side of the bathroom door 'knock knock knock'. The boy yelled for his parents. His parents came to the bathroom door, but the boy wouldn't open the door until they assured him that no one was in the house.
The third night The boy was too scared to leave his bed. As he laid there he heard from the other side of his bedroom door 'knock knock knock'. The boy covered his head with his blanket and tried to remain as quiet as possible. he stayed that way all night not sleeping at all.
By the fourth night the little boy was exhausted. He could barely keep his eyes open the whole day and finally shortly after dinner fell asleep on the couch in the living room. His mother bundled him up in her arms and carried him to bed. Just as she finished tucking him into bed, turning out the lights and shutting the door, from inside the boys room came a booming 'KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK'. The sound seemed to almost shake the house. The boy's mother who was standing just outside the bedroom door quickly opened it and switched on the light. Her son was no where in the room and all the windows were locked. On the bed where she had tucked him in just moments before, she found a small note which looked like it was written in blood. The handwriting was her own and the note read "You'll never guess who knocked!"
I had eaten the little girl.
Just a little thing..leave out things like this where the narrator states he/she performed the act. We, the readers, can easily figure it out...and not directly stating so leaves more of an air of eeriness.
Outright stating that also breaks the flow.
Knock Knock Knock
I really liked this one..very creepy because of the complete lack of knowing what is happening. Plus, the mysterious ending leaves the reader thinking
I felt like the third story left out a bit too much, leaving you more confused then anything else, like why did the mother only hear the knocking the last time and not all the other times? Also for a third person story there was less information than if it was a first person story, which usually isn't the case.
The first story was a little boring, the second didn't build up very much suspense. It was obvious what was going to happen from when he first heard the voice inside the car.
The third was alright, still boring.
Also for a third person story there was less information than if it was a first person story, which usually isn't the case.
That's usually the case for short-scary stories..leaves the air of mystery
The first story was a little boring, the second didn't build up very much suspense. It was obvious what was going to happen from when he first heard the voice inside the car.
The third was alright, still boring.
Mighty fine criticism there
Just a little thing..leave out things like this where the narrator states he/she performed the act. We, the readers, can easily figure it out...and not directly stating so leaves more of an air of eeriness.
Outright stating that also breaks the flow.
Was there anything else in there that seemed to break the flow for you or was it just that one part?
I felt like the third story left out a bit too much, leaving you more confused then anything else, like why did the mother only hear the knocking the last time and not all the other times?
I was intentionally trying to leave it vague and open ended so you would have to think about it and come to your own conclusions.
The first story was a little boring, the second didn't build up very much suspense. It was obvious what was going to happen from when he first heard the voice inside the car.
The third was alright, still boring.
How would you feel they could be made less boring?
How would you feel they could be made less boring?
I'd recommend adding more suspense to the stories.
It Waits
It has six long legs and bulging eyes. It waits for you to be all alone. It waits for you out of the corner of your eye, it waits for you in the darkness at night. It waits for you to go to bed so it can crawl right in and up your leg. When you sleep it crawls on your chest. And if you wake before it's through, you can move, for your it's food.
Here's one from my old primary school, which I've annotated somewhat because I think it's better. Kind of like "Knock Knock Knock", only nock.
Drip, Drip, Drip
There was a noise. A dripping noise. Coming from the bathroom. It didn't sound like a leak, but what else could it be? It didn't sound right. I put my hand under the bed, waiting for the comforting lick of the dog. It came, of course. Reassured, I shut my eyes.
But I didn't sleep. I just lay there, unnerved. I put my hand under there again. The dog licked it again. Once more, I shut my eyes. I still couldn't sleep.
I didn't know why, but the lick comforted me. Maybe it was the warmth, maybe the slobbery tongue was associated with the protection of the household pet.
Well, I did the same thing again. And again. But this time, I didn't even shut my eyes. I just got out of bed, took a deep breath, and went to the toilet. But the drip was just a leak. Nothing more. So I turned back, walking towards the bedroom.
Then I realised.
I have no dog.
Shoot, did you want to keep this as your stuff only? Just say and I'll move it.
you're its
Hmm, I usually catch that one.
Shoot, did you want to keep this as your stuff only? Just say and I'll move it.
The idea was to be primarily my stuff but it's okay, no need to take it down.
so it can crawl right in and up your leg. When you sleep it crawls on your chest
Ugh that makes my skin crawl. Well done Mage.
Great stories! I have to remember not to read stuff like this so late at night... keep them coming nonetheless!
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