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pang's Nuzlocke

Posted Nov 10, '13 at 5:14am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,761 posts

Chapter 2 - I ratataptaptap on the bellies of my foes

"Determined to become a Pokemon master, pang continues on her quest after gaining her very first pokemon, as well as some insightful knowledge on the first step to becoming the greatest."
"UMMM...I don't know who you are but I can hear you! You ****ing creep! **** old people and wanting to follow around children."

As pang continued on towards the first path to becoming a pokemon master, which will be after going to the same path and heading to a town, which will need to be doubled over, to grab some stupid unneeded item from the mart, she couldn't help but think about how much of an exciting turn her life has made in just a short time period.

"Here we are. Route 1, I can't believe it...I'm actually going to become a real pokemon trainer! Now just to take me first step and-"
*doodaludoodaludoodaludoodalud---rest of battle music*
"OH COME ON BULL**** THIS IS THE FIRST STEP I swear it better not be like this."
*A wild Pidgey has appeared!*
"You know..I get needing to train and all--Go Steve!--but I'd also like to progress at a reasonable--Use scratch! Yeah just keep using it! No dude **** growl that's useless--pace without having to be inter-oh hey I won!"

After an amazing victory and much celebration (while standing completely still as to not initiate another battle) pang came to a realization...
"Wait..there is not way in hell I'm going to tell the tale of every single battle! That'll take me ages to finish! I'll just go to the important parts...maybe give little recaps. I don't think the readers would mind too much...
If they do they can 1v1 me and I'll 360 no-scope their noob *****."

So after a moment of reflection that was totally not an excuse to let the audience know what will be happening with the story telling, pang made it to Viridian City, and couldn't help but stand in awe at the wonder of the new city. This wonder, though, was not of the beauty or magnificence of the city, but of the fact that even though the city is literally within a few few steps of Pallet Town, pang had never once stepped foot near it. Oh the life of secluded paranoia.

Then, out of the distance, pang noticed a glimmer. Looking towards it, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming urge of giddy excitement as she spotted a gym. Despite her secluded living previously in her life, she had heard plenty about the Pokemon gyms. And never a drop of awe and excitement was lost upon her.

"I can't believe! A real life pikman gym! Screw the Parasoul fetish item, this is much more important!" pang exclaimed to herself, moving forward at a brisk pace of triumph, "I just go in, beat the gym leader there, and oh god there is an old man in the middle of the road what the living hell."
Just a few short steps ahead, there appeared to be a man on the brink of consciousness, laying on his back mumbling gibberish to what appeared to be his daughter. But for our hero, being a hero was not in the script, so with much boldness she moved ahead to face the gym, when suddenly she was stopped.

"You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly.
"Private property?! The hell are you talking about?! You are LITERALLY in the middle of a public road how is this private property?!"
"You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly.
"What the hell why can't I go through?!"
"You caun't go tharoo her thiz iz prifat proper-property!" The old mans sudden outburst made pang jump back quickly.

Suddenly it hit pang, for some reason the old man was stuck on repeat, as if his life was controlled by some sort of code that dictated what he said, but nevertheless she was a determined broad.

"Ok old man, I want you to actually say something else to me this time. And are you drunk?! You reek of scotch."
"I'm-I'm nnnot darunk! I jus hafn had m-my mornin caffee."
"It's 4pm! Morning coffee happened-ah whatever your drunk like you are listening. Whatever guess I'll have to actually get the Professors Parasoul crap."

And so pang did, with much heroism. The way she walked into the mart, went up to the counter, didn't have to say a word but has the package chucked at her anyway, it could all only be described as inspirational. Surely a sight that would bring back one's faith in our cruel world.

She then trekked back to the lab, continuing to train her majestic Steve, who by now has learned Ember (actually this move was learned a bit ago but let's just pretend it is now happening so I don't have to edit? Just between you and me ok? Ok good). Upon reaching the lab and walking inside, the Professor's face lit up like a lightbulb..and not one of those 'run of the mill' kinds, like some 300Watt ****. Maybe even LED..those are bright, right? Like I know lightbulbs. But man was his face lit up.
"Ah wonderful! And for your reward, an invention of mine, the Pokedex!" He stated with glee, "and here comes Green! Green, one for you as well!"
"Wait what why does he get one he literally did nothing." pang stated with much discontent.
"It's something called favoritism, PONG! Haha!" Green remarked like the little smart-*** punk he is.
"Quite right he is!" The Professor chimed in, "But that's besides the point. What is the point is that I need you two to fill this device up to help me with my studies."
pang caught the lack of logic in a heartbeat, "umm, professor...if you are the leading professor for plickermon, why can't you just fill this device out by yourself with the extensive knowledge you already have?"
"Hahahahaha shut up. Now! For this quest, you two will need some pokeballs. Here is 5 apiece, and if you need more you can buy them at any of the many marts you will be sure to run into during your journey.
"But professor...how are we supposed to get money?"
"I'm getting real sick of your questions pang, but yes about that. Getting money is actually quite simple, see after you battle an opponent, they become insanely weak for some reason, even if they are a criminal twice your size and most likely a gun! Because of this, after you beat them in battle, merely rummage through their bags and wallets and see how much they have an take it! Simple as that!"
"Isn't that stealing, though??"
"Last question, pang, or I swear I'll drop kick you. But no! It isn't stealing, it is merely the heart of the battle! Now, no more talking...go!"

Happy enough to be away from Green, pang went back to the route which she has already conquered, but now it is like anew, because the rules are in play, and this means exciting stuff gets to happen. I hope you all bought snacks, because this story is going to be long and you might get hungry and you should really keep track of your health.

"Time to catch my first pokemon! Just have to walk around a bit here in the grass..."

"Ok...just keep walking...you'll find one..."

"No...really...where did they go??"

"OK I'M CALLING BULL**** IT TOOK ME ONE STEP LAST T-oh hey a battle"
*battle music that I'm too lazy to type out again*
"Oh gosh I can't wait to see which petermon I'm going to get aaaannnnnnnnddddd it's a rattatatatatata great. Oh well..I'll make due."

Shortly into the battle, like literally 2 moves, pang had the rattata(ta?) where she wanted it.
"Go! Pokeball!" [Faintly in the distance]: OH COME ON YOU CAN SAY THAT RIGHT BUT NOT POKEMON [/faintly in the distance]
The pokeball made contact, and in went the rattata. Only the dreaded pokeball wiggle dance stood in the way of pang's first captured pokemon.
"Come on..hold down B...press dooowwwwnnnnn....the harder I press the better chances I have AND YEAH BABY CAUGHT!!!"

"Now, I know you aren't going to be as much of a hot-shot as Steve here will be, but I'm sure you'll do just fine on our team. Now...just need a name. Hmm...how does...Bennie sound? You don't like it?? Ha! Like you have a choice! Come on Bennie, we have an adventure, and you are apart of it now."

And oh what an adventure it will be.

 

Posted Nov 10, '13 at 5:29am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,761 posts

Chapter 2.5 - Morning coffee of soberation

"Now that you two lovelies are healed, let's see if that drunkard will let us pass..." pang commented to Bennie and Steve.

Approaching the old man, he was, at the very least, standing upright and seemed to be in a better mood. But nevertheless, caution must always be taken.
"Ahh, I've had my coffee now and I feel great! Sure you can go through! Are you in a hurry?" The old man beamed.
"Oh no I'm just trying to go on my journey that I've been dreaming of since I'm a little kid (Why does my inner conscience sound like my mom yelling bull****? Ah well)." pang retorted with much seething sarcasm.
"Oh good! I can show you how to catch a pokemon then!"
"But...I've already caught one...I know how to do it..."
"Now..watch closely!"

And so, our heroine was forced to watch a most ungraceful demonstration of an old man catch a pokemon with sheer luck and no pokemon of his own, even though that would technically result in a white out.

"And that's how you do it! just remember you may need to weaken the pokemon first to ensure a greater chance of catching it!"
"You literally did nothing but toss a pokeball and hope for the best. And that ISN'T counting wasting my time! I literally watched Green walk by flipping me off!"
"Glad I could be of help! And just remember, if you ever want to see how to do it again, just let me know."
"oh yeah, because I'm sure I'd forget that difficult process. And in case you aren't getting it, old man, I'm being sarcastic."
"No need to be self-conscious! Not everyone gets it right off the bat!"
"Good god you were easier to deal with drunk...I'm going!"

And back on the adventure our heroine goes!

 

Posted Nov 12, '13 at 6:29pm

Riptizoid101

Riptizoid101

5,834 posts

Alright, I finally got around to doing this. Anyways, I really liked it. It's my kind of humor (even though I have a broad range of humor, but still). The dialogue is realistic enough to be able to read it in one's head and not sound robotic, and at the same time, it's witty and not trying too hard at getting laughs, leaving it enjoyable whether you find it funny or not.

The MC of this story is also not cringe worthy, despite coming off as random and minor shifts in personality (occasionally), though this could be a good thing if you play it out right. Probably intentional anyways, but just thought I'd point that out.

Transitions from one scene to the next are fairly smooth, and it uses a fair range of different types of humor. One complaint I'd have with it is if somebody dislikes this style of humor, story progression might not be enough to keep them entertained if they came here solely to view other people's experience in a Nuzlocke challenge versus their own (though that's mostly not a problem when the forum is filled with mostly ages 14 +).

7.5/10 So far because I avoid giving high ratings until I see more of it. Would probably be a 9 otherwise.

Don't let this go to your head, though.

 

Posted Nov 12, '13 at 8:47pm

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,761 posts

Don't let this go to your head, though.


Summary of what you said: pang you are the best and can do anything perfectly.

How could I let that go to my head >=D
 

Posted Nov 13, '13 at 2:32pm

Nurvana

Nurvana

2,598 posts

pang this literally reflects my thoughts while playing every pokemon game ever.

 

Posted Nov 16, '13 at 4:05pm

R2D21999

R2D21999

14,792 posts

Knight

You're Pokemans story is very good and hilarious at many times. This gets the R2 seal of approval.

Keep it up.

 

Posted Nov 21, '13 at 3:49am

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

Awe, Pang, this is so cute! I love it! Tell me you're writing more!

There are minor grammar mistakes although I allow that there seem to be a lot of intentional mistakes which for me make this story so hilarious!

Yes, like Riptizoid101 said, don't let this go to your head, but this great and I'd love to read more!

 

Posted Nov 21, '13 at 9:23pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

heroine

heroin


Best wordplay ever/10.
 

Posted Nov 22, '13 at 11:26pm

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,761 posts

Update tonight

 

Posted Nov 23, '13 at 5:00am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,761 posts

Chapter 3 - I sting my foes with a stinger which stings

"Very-die-in Forest. Huh, what a peculiar name" pang said to herself.
"It's Varidian you idiot!" Some random passerby shouted.
"haha no no I'm pretty sure I got it right. Thank's though!" pang shouted back while waving towards the man, continuing into the forest. "I wonder what this place will be like aannnnnd suddenly it's gone black OH GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING BLACK WHAT HAPPE-oh hey I'm on the other side now. You know, that always happens when I walk in and out of places..I wonder why that is. And speaking of weird, who the hell am I talking to? Hey! Narrator!"

....um...yes?
"Oh hey cool you can hear me! Yeah, can you like, make my Pillowmon able to talk?"
I...er...I don't think that would be a very smart idea. I mean, it would be completely unrealistic, and I feel like it would distract from the point of the story too much...
"Oh yeah? Well how about I distract my fist into your face?!"
That didn't make any sense. At all.
"Yeah whatever. Well..how about...could you like give them more personality?? Maybe pretend they walk with me??"
I guess I could do that? Yeah that sounds reasonable. But..um..seriously. You should probably not talk to me. I mean, this story breaks the 4th wall enough as it is..I really don't need you to be doing it so directly..

But pang was already steps ahead of the narrator, as she had turned around and walked off by now.
"Hey wait bull**** no I haven't I'm still right here wait what the hell is going on why am I walking away I'M NOT DOING THIS"
pang continued walking away, forgetting about how she could talk with the narrator, thus effectively tying up any loose ends.

"Huh, weird. I feel like something very important just happened. Ah well, anyways, you two ready for some training?" Steven and Bennie nodded at her, with fierce determination in their eyes. "Good! But first..OH SNAP SON A WEEDLE! It's only the...rarest PETAmon!"
*Intense battle music because seriously, I really like want this weedle*
"Alright Bennie! Go mess him up! But not too hard please.."

So yeah long story short I caught that mo-fo. Like seriously I don't even know why but like I always want to catch me a weedle. Maybe it's because of Kakuna, which is OP like crazy. Or maybe it's because Beedrill is cool as hell. But anyways, this next sentence is pang naming the Weedle. Enjoy.

"Hmm...I'm going to name you...Stinger!"
"Oh how original you must be some kind of naming genius" Some random nerd shouted from aside"
"What did you say to me punk? Lemme go heal my piratemon and then when I get back...OOOHOHOHO just you wait."
The fear could be completely seen over the young boy's face, as he shouted "T-thanks" towards pang while she exited the forest [From distance: "OH **** HERE'S THE BLACK AGAIN"]

"Alright, all healed up and ready to go! Where is that punk? Oh there he is..now just to maneuver myself in his line of **** so he can see me..and..aha! Exclamation mark above his head! Show time baby"
The battle started, and no more than 5 seconds in pang was crying from laughter.
"W-what are you laughing at?" The young boy said, shaking.
"First off bahahaha you look RIDICULOUS hahaha second, you're a 'bug catcher'?! bahahahaha like 'oh man get I'm gonna **** these people up with my team of caterpie.'" hahahaha!!"
"S-shut up! Just b-because my team i-is of caterpies doesn't m-mean I'm gonna lose!"
"...BAHAHAHAHA YOU REALLY DO HAVE A TEAM OF CATERPIE OH GOD"

Safe to say that battle ended swiftly. Oh man the tears on that boy's face! I wish you guys could have seen it! Priceless.

As pang continued to walk through the forest, evolving her Weedle into a kakuna, she noticed a pattern..
"Hey wait..wait..are all of these kids...they are all bug catches! What the living hell! Do they all have a bug fetish or something? Like formicophilia or some crap..oh god gross. Or maybe they are all just unoriginal little punks who are falling into some trend? OR *gasp* maybe they're..CLONES! Oh man this is getting 3spooky5me. I need to just continue on.."

pang continued, eventually evolving Stinger into a Beedrill (**** YEAH), and making all those little copycat punks weep after defeating their "m-muh bugs" team.

"Here we are..the exit. Alright now just to walk through...close my eyes to avoid the dark-scary...and through! Oh wow..Pewter City! Can't wait to face the gym leader. But first..out of curiosity..let's see what the road leading from this place looks like.."

After pang healed her pokemon, like any smart and caring trainer would do, she began heading towards the path out of the town, only to be stopped by some clown. "You're a trainer right? Brock's looking for some new challengers, Follow me!"
"wut. Wait why are we walking? Wait, HOW am I walking?! I'm not doing this what black magic is going on?!?!"
They then stopped, directly in front of the gym. "If you have the right stuff, go take on Brock." He said, before walking off into the glorious sunset.
"I feel like trying to walk that way again, but a sneaking suspicion tells me the same process will happen again" pang glared towards the area from whence she was just dragged from, where the man had already situated himself back into, looking back towards pang giving her a thumbs up"

Looking towards the gym entrance now, pang sighed to herself. "Well, I guess it's time to get my fight Brock for my first badge.."

And oh what a fight it will be.

 
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