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Posted Feb 20, '14 at 1:20pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,510 posts

Not bad, really. I've never seen the idea in print before, and I already told you my experience with literature.

I suggest you do serious research, though! You're basing your story off American history, and you'll have trouble if things contradict existing facts. You are allowed to add in some fiction (say, meeting a famous slave or trader who never actually met you in non-fiction history), but make sure you have locations, weapons, communication, etc. accurate to the era. Don't pull out a semi-automatic pistol or something. The more fact you can add in (names of real places, names and calibers of real weapons, whatever), the more realistic it will be.

Also, one last thing I suggest changing: you fall to your knees when the mayor says you're a murderer. Your character is an armed slave trader, making a living off the lives of other people. You need to act the part. Stern, tough as nails, isn't afraid to end a fight with a bullet. When you are unjustly accused, your character should become enraged and have to be grabbed by several other people to keep him from fighting.

Sure, you may have a soft spot for an older woman, but when someone says "You just murdered her, you criminal," you should be ready to beat the crap out of everyone between you and that person.

 

Posted Feb 20, '14 at 1:29pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,510 posts

Don't get too upset. Fish and I are frequent debaters. We aren't trying to be hostile or condoning. I'm not, anyway....haha. We just can't resist pointing out things that need to be fixed (especially in arguments), and we do so in your best interest, rather than to make us look superior.

Personally, I enjoy seeing people attempt a story, even if it needs some serious work (I have seen much worse than this, believe me). I respect the effort because good writing takes a lot of time and patience. I hope I speak for Fish when I say try to not be offended and if you think one of us is wrong, let us know!

 

Posted Feb 20, '14 at 4:13pm

Omegap12

Omegap12

1,885 posts

U havent done anything to offend me in any way YET. I am always welcome to constructive critism and uses it to the best of my ability!

 

Posted Feb 20, '14 at 7:21pm

blk2860

blk2860

10,796 posts

Do you plan on continuing this story? It doesn't really seem to have much of an ending, and it seems like you would want to continue it.

 

Posted Feb 20, '14 at 8:27pm

Omegap12

Omegap12

1,885 posts

yea its being continued, but being revised right now! Heres a quick little tidbit on what im changing right now! This is for u Matt!!

As I walked toward the store that day with over 150 dollars in my pocket I thought about the saber I would buy since a slave took mine when he went on a rampage. The rampage that almost got me killed. After the slave took my saber, a rather nice Wrist Breaker that I favored much, killed all the other 14 slaves in a matter of seconds. Fear gripping me, for I had never had a slave that was that violent before, turn to face me. My brain shut down and I reached for my saber, realizing much too late that the slave had it, almost costing me my life because the turn left my chest bare. But turning the other way to get my pistol saved my life so instead of my chest showing my arm to the saber. As I turned, he gave a quick overhand swing, with considerable force, considering that the Wrist Breaker is heavier than most sabers. So instead of striking my chest, like the way he wanted it, it hit my arm, leaving a deep gash in my arm. I killed the slave with 1 shot, going straight through his heart. The first person to find me was Mrs. Coulch. She helped me walk to her house, and took care of the wound for me, and undoubtedly saved my life.

 

Posted Feb 20, '14 at 8:31pm

Omegap12

Omegap12

1,885 posts

Fear gripping me, for I had never had a slave that was that violent before, turn to face me.


Sorry, i messed that up. Fear gripping my heart, i really didn't know what to do, for i had never had a slave this violent come at me.
 

Posted Apr 1, '14 at 10:02pm

Omegap12

Omegap12

1,885 posts

So this is an essay that i had to do for History about the American Revolutionary War.
I got bored, so i decided to put this up.

Rev. War Tactics
In the American Revolution, the Continental Army used many tactics to win the war. These tactics included spying, guerilla warfare, and sneak attacks.
Spying was a tactic that was used by both the Continental Army and the British Army. One of the most recognized spy for the Americans is Nathan Hale. He died when his Tory cousin turned him in to the British. Right before he died by hanging, he said, "I only regret that I have one life to lose for my country." On the British spying side, there was John Andreas. He was in communication with Benedict Arnold, who had secrets about West Point. Andreas was hanged as well.
Another tactic used by the Continental Army to win the war was guerilla warfare. During the latter parts of the war, in the south, a man named Francis Marion, or "The Swamp Fox" used guerilla warfare in the swamps to the south during battles because the British were afraid to navigate the swamp because they were un-sure who to navigate the swamps. That is how the Americans used guerilla warfare as a tactic for defeating the British.
At the battles of Trenton and Princeton sneak attacks were used. At Trenton, George Washington crossed the Delaware from Pennsylvania to Trenton, New Jersey. He did this on the day after Christmas, when the Hessians at Trenton were sleeping off Christmas Day dinner, and before his men's military "contract" ended. At Princeton, Washington was outnumbered by the British, so he went behind them, and attacked the British rear, gaining Washington and his men access to the main, unknowing body of the British Army, winning the battle.
The Continental Army used many more tactics, but those three were a very effective way of winning the war for our Revolution.

 
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