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A Review On: Stilhaus Kitchens Reviews!

Posted Apr 17, '14 at 1:18am

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,610 posts

My Stilhaus Kitchen may also be responsible for:
- Diarrhea
- BBQ stains on things that don't come out
- Girls posting about how ugly they are on facebook
- Arachnophobia
- Genocide
- The Kennedy Assassination
- Creepypasta
- Everything in Australia trying to kill you
- The Third Reich
- "Doctors hate this one weird trick" banner ads
- PTSD
- Bad cosplayers
- "Go Daddy" Superbowl ads
- Pedobear
- Gangrene
- Rick rolling
- The Stock Market crash of 1929
- The beeping sound your car makes when you don't take the key out of the ignition
- Vegetarian bacon
- The "It's not you; it's me" breakup line
- Unskippable pre-video advertisement on YouTube
- Comic Sans MS
- The Black Death (1348-50)
- Putting two socks in a dryer and only having one when the cycle ends
- Snoring pugs
- The atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (1945)
- Singing "Happy Birthday" and forgetting the person's name mid-chorus
- Nigerian banker spam e-mails
- "YOLO"
- Having an awesome dream and forgetting it one nanosecond after you wake up
- Surprise NSFW links
- Breast cancer
- The Red Ring of Death
- The Blue Screen of Death
- Any song that repeats one stanza at least ten consecutive times
- The Legend of Zelda animated series (1989)
- Discovering that an attractive female is actually an attractive male with a bad attitude
- Neckties
- The "France surrenders" joke
- Homicide rates
- College tuition prices
- Joe Biden dropping the "f-bomb" on national television at least twice
- The downfall of Chatroulette
- The Spanish Inquisition
and the lack of an Edit button for forum posts on Armor Games.

 

Posted Apr 17, '14 at 1:51pm

MrDayCee

MrDayCee

12,902 posts

Administrator

So, I called them again today and an older sounding woman's voice answered the phone with a mumbling "h-helllooo?!?"... huh-wut?! ... (oO) ... okright, I immediately started to explain to her that I was calling to check up on my delivery, when she interrupted me mid-sentence with... "h-helllooo?!? Johnny?! Is-is that you son?!?" ...(oO) ... uhmm, no ma'am, I'm not Johnny... I am calling about the kitchen I ordered from Stilhaus... this is the Stilhaus main office, right? "Johnny... you are crawling around the kitchen and m-murdered some lil' mouse?! Oh-oh myyy... bad boy!!" ... yes, errr... NO! NO!! (Oo) ... *sigh* ... ma'am, this is Stilhaus? You work for Stilhaus, right? "No Johnny, you k-know that your g-grandm-mother stopped working a-ages ago... w-when you were still a little boy! You silly..." (oO)

I took a big breath and assessed the situation a bit... "Are you still there, Johnny" ... yes ma'am, I'm still here... but my name is not 'Johnny', I'm not your grandson, ok? *frown* "Who-who is this th-then?! What did you d-do to Johnny?!" ... sorry ma'am?! "I'm-I'm notifying the orderly and h-have him call the policeman!" ... (oO) ... uhmm, 'orderly' you say ma'am? Are you in a retirement home?! "Yes, you bad man... where else should I be at-at the age of 94?!" ... *94?!* ... (OO) ...errr, ma'am? ... "What?!" ... Could you possibly hand the phone to the orderly for me? I would like to talk to him, please? "He's j-just entering the room... he will t-tell you n-now! You j-just w-wait!!" ... *static sound* ... Hello? ... Hello? Anyone there? ... ..."Yes, this is Ray speaking? Who is this?" ... I quickly explained the situation to him and that I was under the impression that I called Stilhaus Kitchens' main office? ... Ray told me right away, that the 'Old Green Oak Retirement Home' recently obtained a new telephone number for Miss Jefferson after her grandson's business was moved to another location. She wanted to use this number, because she thought it was easy for her grandson to remember calling her whenever he sees '0800-KITCHEN'. We never understood this, but we hooked her up with this number 2 days ago. That's all... ... *rubbing temple* ... I think I understand the situation a little... ...right, uhmm... *sigh* ...sorry for bothering you sir! Could you please apologise to Miss Jefferson for me? I am sorry for the trouble... "No problem, I will tell her. Bye sir!" ... *distant shouting* ... "you will call the p-policeman on him Ray? He should be arrested for kidnapping my grands..." ... *click* ...

Aaaannnd, we're back to cooking on the camping stove again... *moans* ... tomorrow's a new day...
Ugh... (-.-)

 

Posted Apr 17, '14 at 6:26pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,610 posts

Also, experts say that the Stilhaus Kitchen may be connected to:
- Ethnic stereotypes
- Chinese triads
- Three different spellings for words that sound the same in English
- No backwards compatibility for new game consoles
- Vending machines eating your money
- Global warming
- Nickelback
- Telemarketers
- Batteries not being included
- Camel spiders
- The "noob tube"
- Jar-Jar Binks
- Spelling a word wrong in an Internet debate
- Underage games playing M-rated games online
- Organic chemistry
- Naming things in Latin
- Off-brand ketchup that looks like real ketchup
- "North West"
- Keanu Reeves portraying an emotional character
- The Bermuda Triangle
- Free apps that require in-game purchases to play for any length of time
- Rabies
- Partial complex epilepsy
- The Kardashians
- Slenderman
- Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)
- "Justin Bieber's Believe" (2013)
- World War I
- World War II
- World War III
- Losing the TV remote even though you had it a minute ago
- Communism
- "Paranormal Activity 4" (2012)
- Stepping on a LEGO with bare feet
- Loud people being loud in public without realizing they are being loud
- The Ford Edsel
- Osama Bin Laden
- FOX News
- Influenza
- #SELFIE (2014)
- "Little Baby's Ice Cream" commercials
- Flappy Bird spinoff games
- Ghost dying in "Modern Warfare 2"
- Soap dying in "Modern Warfare 3"
- Minecraft creepers
- Valve never finishing a trilogy
- Tuberculosis
- The Lincoln Assassination
- "Don't Hug me I'm Scared"
- Twerking
- Honey Boo Boo
- Every movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan
- Arsonists
- Skids and Mudflap in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"
- The plot of LOST
- The NSA's goal to "acquire the capabilities to gather intelligence on anyone, anytime, anywhere."
- The Salem witch trials
- Jaden Smith in "After Earth" (2013)
and "how do i add freinds" thread on Armor Games.

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 12:46pm

Ferret

Ferret

9,024 posts

Administrator

Stepping on a LEGO with bare feet


You've taken it too far.
 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 1:42pm

MrDayCee

MrDayCee

12,902 posts

Administrator

Man... we should have like buttons for the posts. Yours would have totally got a thumb up Ferret! Haha =P

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 2:31pm

MrDayCee

MrDayCee

12,902 posts

Administrator

I'm desperate for a new kitchen... =/

http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1375/1094992379_3678c983fe.jpg

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 2:44pm

Reton8

Reton8

2,986 posts

Moderator

Is that really your kitchen!?
What happened?

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 2:47pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

STILHAUS THIS IS A KITCHEN EMERGENCY WHERE ARE YOU

http://img.izismile.com/img/img4/20110414/640/the_filthiest_and_640_03.jpg

(not my actual kitchen)

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 6:02pm

MrDayCee

MrDayCee

12,902 posts

Administrator

Nah... don't worry, that's not my actual kitchen! =P

But I think... Sal wins this round! (oO)

 

Posted Apr 18, '14 at 8:07pm

Ernie15

Ernie15

13,670 posts

Knight

You guys, I think Stilhaus might not be a great investment.

This was my kitchen before Stilhaus...

http://cdn.stylisheve.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Fancy-Kitchen-Designs_01.jpg

...and this is what it looked like a few days after I bought Stilhaus:

http://www.themaneater.com/media/2009/0828/photos/fire002b_jpg_775x525_q85.jpg

 
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