ForumsThe TavernA case for houseflies: War DOES change

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pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

You're a liar if you don't find houseflies annoying whenever they are buzzing around you. I don't kill bugs, but boy do these buggers test my patience. I actually have one flying by me right now, and I have nothing but the upmost desire to punch it in it's fly skull.

But I began to think..what if we used houseflies for a greater good? Right now there is the terror of ISIS, and I think they'd be great guinea pigs. We take houseflies, training them in the most gruelling of housefly conditions, readying them for their mission. After 6 months of arduous training, we take them to Wymoning and release them.
I'd give ISIS 2 weeks before they are on their knees begging us for forgiveness.

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HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,254 posts
Regent

Strong point of your plan: Flies are a pest.

Weak points of your plan:
1) You can't train flies.
2) Flies are globally spread. You think they don't already have them there?
3) How would you even bring them in their camps unarmed?
4) You cannot use it on cities they hold; think of the torture this would mean for the local population! You'd be sentenced for crimes against humanity in a second.

, and I have nothing but the upmost desire to punch it in it's fly skull.

Flies have no skull.

/nag

Doombreed
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Doombreed
7,022 posts
Templar

Well, house flies are quite possibly the most disgusting creature on earth... Given what it does to your food *cough *cough bleargh *vomits*

Aah. Anyway. How about using hordes of flies to transport military equipment?

R2D21999
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R2D21999
18,319 posts
Treasurer

Didn't this also happen in that one movie with the spy hamsters? G-Force or something.

Doombreed
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Doombreed
7,022 posts
Templar

Didn't this also happen in that one movie with the spy hamsters? G-Force or something.

Yes. They had Mooch (I think) the fly, for reconnaisance purposes

Doombreed
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Doombreed
7,022 posts
Templar

Another weak point however is that they won't know that we sent the flies. They'll notice the sudden change, be annoyed, maybe even try everything to stop it, but the thing is, why surrender, since they won't know who sent the flies? They'll probably just believe the fly epidemic somehow "happened".

That's why I am proposing to use them in a support role. Use them as a means of transportation. The army needs for diesel fuel will be massively cut down. The less dependent an army is on diesel fuel today, the more effective it is after all, by the looks of it.

HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,254 posts
Regent

1. They're already trained to annoy the bananas out of humans.

You are implying someone has previously trained flies (all flies) to be so annoying. What is this, a conspiracy for flies!?

2. Give them more.

I propose something different altogether: spider rain.

4. They deserve it probably in some way.

Oh no you didn't... you did, did you? He did...
pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

Weak points of your plan:
1) You can't train flies.
2) Flies are globally spread. You think they don't already have them there?
3) How would you even bring them in their camps unarmed?
4) You cannot use it on cities they hold; think of the torture this would mean for the local population! You'd be sentenced for crimes against humanity in a second.

1) watch me
2) not the kind I'm training. Soldiers are everywhere, but America's are the most threatening for a reason 8)
3) leashes. Lots of em
4) Winner of the war determines if their actions were war crimes or not. The people will know they are sacrifices for the greater good.

Flies have no skull.

Not after I was done with him.

ISIS would probably build a massive bug killed poison spray or something...or just repopulate the earth with toads xD.

Think about how dumb that will look.
U.N: yeah did you hear ISIS are trying to breed frogs?
Little does ISIS know, frogs HATE Wyoming.

Another weak point however is that they won't know that we sent the flies

This isn't middle school where we send secret admirer notes. They'll know who sent em.

Doombreed
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Doombreed
7,022 posts
Templar

This isn't middle school where we send secret admirer notes. They'll know who sent em.

Really? What, are you going to send translaters into their camps and tell them: "We've just unleashed hordes of traied flies on you. We will be expecting your surrender" ?

Or are you going to fly over them and drop leaflets?

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

Really? What, are you going to send translaters into their camps and tell them: "We've just unleashed hordes of traied flies on you. We will be expecting your surrender" ?

Or are you going to fly over them and drop leaflets

The flies will form the translation with their own bodies.

Doombreed
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Doombreed
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Templar

The flies will form the translation with their own bodies.

That would require much more time of training. Much more funds to be poured into the program, much more time to be able to deploy them. No, our aim is to win as swiftly and efficiently as possibble.

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

This is war, they won't care for it.They're not there to determin if a weapon is pretty or not, they just want to know if it can shoot or not

Pretty sure if anyone cares how they look it's ISIS. Have you seen their cool scarves and robes?

That would require much more time of training.

This is an incredibly gruelling training programme. It'd crack you in a couple days tops.

Much more funds to be poured into the program,

Every possibly.fund should be funneling into my programming.

swiftly and efficiently as possible

Few years behind that quota.

Doombreed
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Doombreed
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Templar

This is an incredibly gruelling training programme. It'd crack you in a couple days tops.

Have you set up the program in detail? I am pretty sure you won't find many "fly-experts" able to set it up.

Every possibly.fund should be funneling into my programming.

What? Why? And how are you going to convince them?

pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,815 posts
Jester

You can't care that much, even if we are talking about ISIS here.If your invasion were to be so efficient against them, they would, again, end up not giving a crap about how it looks.

Sir we.have done extensive research on ISIS. Think of them like the French meets average gay man.

Have you set up the program in detail? I am pretty sure you won't find many "fly-experts" able to set it up.

I'm the flyspert

What? Why? And how are you going to convince them?

I'm going to convince them by shutting down the biggest terrorist group since ISIS1.0

HahiHa
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HahiHa
8,254 posts
Regent

Have you considered possible praying mantis defences?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwPaUma6R_k

nivlac724
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nivlac724
2,555 posts
Shepherd

What about genetically modified giant super flies?

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