Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Lights, Camrea.... (Original Story)

Part 2

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6 years ago.

Robert parked his car by Revolution Productions. Well... 3 blocks away. He stepped out and let the sun gloom on his brown buzz-cut hair, his hazel eyes and freakish smile. He was in L.A for at least two days, so he may as well have a blast. But he was nervous, Revolution was responsible for some of the best movies of the 20th century. So he had to look professional, so he spent the remainder of his college fund on a slick charcoal suit. $400 Spent on a suit he will probably never use again, so he was going to use it to his potential.

He was approaching the front steps of Revolution Productions. Grinding his teeth he stepped forward and pushed open the front door. He was suddenly hit with a smell of fragrance and Cuban cigars. “Hollywood.” he thought while walking towards the front desk. The woman sat there typing away while at the corner of her eye, she noticed Robert and prepared to speak.

“Hello, welcome to Revolution Productions, how may I help you?” That Californian accent brushed through Robert before he spoke. “Hi, I eh... I am here to see Todd K Gordan.”
“Your name?” The desk clerk asked.
“Robert Carter.” He said proudly.
“Just one moment, please.” She answered before clicking and typing like lightning. Going through Mr. Gordan's schedule.
“Ah, here you are, he is actually ready to see you. Just take the left elevator to the 4th floor, turn left, the double doors at the end.” She said in one short breath.
“Uh... thanks” Robert said before rushing towards the elevator. He saw another man walk towards the elevator, Robert quickly pressed the close button.

“Hey! Wait!” The man said as the elevator doors closed before him.
“Good move Robert, good move.” he said to himself.
He had about 15 seconds of free time in the elevator. So he went over his application.
“Hi.... Hi I'm Ro.... Hi my name is Robert Car....Carter, Robert Cart.” Going over in his head.
Robert Carter, Robert Carter.... Robert Carter.

The doors open and the corridor is empty apart from the odd worker walking from door to door.
He stumbles towards the double doors while repeating in his head: 1...2...3...4...inhale, 1...2...3...4...exhale. He lands in front of the door.

Part 3

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His palms were sweaty as he opened the doors. The heavy wood doors were incredibly hard to push but he was able to open them. When he opened the doors, he was punched by the sight of the Hollywood Hills. The rich green oozing of the high lands, it amazed Robert. Robert knew this was serious. He had to act smart, intelligent and sophisticated.

Todd Gordan was already reading a script for another project. And saw a glimpse of Robert as he open the thick heavy doors.
Todd was an overweight 40 year brown haired, brown eyed walking bed.
Todd spoke out.“Robert Carter I presume?”
“Uh-Yes, and I suggest you are Mr. Gordan?” Robert nervously hammered in.
“Yes, yes, please take a seat.” Todd introduced Robert to a leather chair.
“ So... we know about some of your... other works.” Todd said.
“ I... we have read a lot of your works and I... see you as a... say... rising star.”
Robert smiled slightly. “So would you like to see my... application?” Robert said.
“Of course.” Robert then handed Todd his application, regretting it.

Todd, checking carefully for any gaps in the application. Inspecting what Robert did since he was 17. Robert was sweating like a water tank fell on him.

“Right...” Todd spoke. “It all looks good apart from this 2 month gap. From April to now.”
“About that.” Robert quietly said. “You see, before I saw this job opening, I was making my own movie.” Robert looked down in embarrassment.
“Really?” Todd pondered.
“Yeah..” Robert whimpered.
“How far did you get with it? As in.... the script.”
“Well.” Robert stood up and started to walk around the room.
“It's about a rising movie director. Who tries and gets his way in the film industry.” Robert explained.
“Hmm. Keep going.” Todd was intrigued.
“He.. he, he finds a studio to work for and is given the role of director. He gets low level actors and their acting is terrible. So he trains them into being good using extreme tactics. And when the test screening is shown, they are amazed.”

“Alright, so you applied for ASST.Director yes?” Todd questioned.
“Yeah...” Robert was listening in close.
“So, where is this script?” Todd was interested in the idea.
“ It's gone. I got rid of it when I came here.”
Todd sighed. “Listen, how long do you have here?” Todd need to know.
“ I had till' tomorrow but I guess I can buy..... 7 days accommodation.” Robert answered.
“ Right, you have 7 days to write 25 pages of a.. 140 paged script.” Todd liked it and he need to know if the script was a hit or a flop.
“Meet me back here a week today when your finished at... say... 3pm.”
Robert then jumped out of his chair and burst through the double doors, ran down the hallway and landed in the elevator.
He knew this was his chance, he had one chance, he was going to use it wisely.

Your story's not so bad, but you might want to follow the basic rules of grammar and writing for this, such as you can't start a sentence with a number unless in written form, such as thirty-four instead of 34. And maybe using a little more variation in your choice of words, like here:

. So he had to look professional, so he spent the remainder of his college fund on a slick charcoal suit. $400 Spent on a suit he will probably never use again, so he was going to use it to his potential.

You used the word "so" three times in two sentences, it just gets a little repetitive.
I'm interested in seeing how this turns out, so far it seems alright.