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DaTCaT47
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DaTCaT47
33 posts
Nomad

As I lay upon my bed
A voice echoes through my head
For what if my reality
is a fragile thing only I can see
And everything is a hologram;
and I am the only trace of man
alive
on
earth

  • 3 Replies
DaTCaT47
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DaTCaT47
33 posts
Nomad
DICE RESULTS
196 = Actually
pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,808 posts
Jester

If I can drop some thoughts/advice, work out what you want to say before attempting any rhymes. Even if you have to flesh it out entirely without creating any rhymes, try to have a goal in mind of what you want to achieve with each section. Not to discourage, but the rhymes you have in this are very simplistic, but I believe it's because you are trying to create rhymes as you go (a la freestyle rap).

I highly suggest taking some time, and reading up on some conventional poets (highly suggest those in the Victorian and Romantic eras) or even some contemporary rappers (Kendrick Lamar, Andre3000, MF Doom, Aesop Rock, etc.) to get a better feel on how people approach rhyming and the devices they use to further their rhyming abilities.

DaTCaT47
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DaTCaT47
33 posts
Nomad

sorry for replying sooooo late. Thanks a TON for the feedback! It's people like you who make me smile. Thanks!

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