ForumsArt, Music, and WritingSquidlidink's poems that he wrote.

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squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
1,065

Through the world

I sat.
The breeze of my outer world
surrounded me,
filled my lungs

I sat on the water's edge
on a rock
where fish
had died of
this world's air

I sat
not looking
not hearing
not tasting or smelling
not feeling
or even thinking

but I sat
looking
hearing
tasting and smelling
feeling
and thinking

not through me,
but
through the world.



Lies

You pushed me down deep
slammed my face into a box
locked it up tight
I could not see you;
you could see me.
you could see the exit
quite clearly.
I could not.
I searched for a hole,
a single ray of light
I found none.
Was there an exit?
Was there a key?
Yes.
You had it.
Only you could open the box;
only you knew the truth.


Perfect is not enough

I live in a cut and paste world.
I say, "I hate this nose! Throw it away!"
"These eyes! They are not lavender
like hers."
"this eyebrow is too short!"
"These lips? Too fat!"
They cut and paste till perfection,
but still,
perfection is not enough.



untitled

I am only what you eyes perceive I am
only what you make of me.
You see my eyes, my face,
but you don't see me.
I am that first flower bud
I am that last snow
the waves of wind in the trees
and the Snow Lion's dark eyes.
However,
your eyes will never
see behind that curtain.
Your eyes will never
see me.








So.... you like?! post comments and criticism. If you think I plagiarized... I did not. Check if you must but I will cry with happiness because I know that this is the highest honor a author can resieve. Thank you all so much for reading.

  • 13 Replies
Estel
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Estel
1,979 posts
1,260

Well they are okay for free verse poems such as these. "Perfect is not enough," in my opinion was the best one because it really speaks the truth, but I think alot more could be added to it. Maybe perfecting your phsycological opinions isn't enough. Actually, that could just be a whole new poem. "Faking is lying in disguise," or something like that.

eyetwitch
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eyetwitch
740 posts
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I'm gonna have to agree with ESTEL.
They were decent, but they could be just that much better if they were longer and deeper. Ecspecially "perfect is not enough". definatly neeeds more.

squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
1,065

Thanks for the input you guys! you are both really nice! Tee-hee!

squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
1,065

Again thanks for the input. I wear glasses so...
:8 D Glasses MAN!! woot!

florglee2
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florglee2
1,802 posts
810

Huh, maybe i should write peoms instead of shooting the crud outta stuff on video games.

squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
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LOL Fg2! Ps. you spelled poems wrong. POEM.

florglee2
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florglee2
1,802 posts
810

right, peom. or poem. meh, im not a very good speller, i'll stick to video games lol

lumpiaman510
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lumpiaman510
377 posts
380

untitled is good!

squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
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Thanks Lumpia! You are nice! VERY nice

thepyro222
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thepyro222
2,165 posts
910

I write also, The overall poem is pretty good. look for "the demon poet." that's all my work

squidlidink
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squidlidink
482 posts
1,065

poems.... and pyro thanks! I saw your poem. It was neat!

Strop
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Strop
10,849 posts
6,360

You're starting to write by showing not telling, but the treatment isn't entirely consistent just yet- lapsing into more prosaic, explanatory segments rather than exploratory images. But it's getting somewhere- just sometimes, less really is more.

This poetry leans towards the modernist movement of the early to mid 20th century...check out T.S. Eliot in particular, for example, The Love Song of J. Albert Prufrock.

squidlidink
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squidlidink
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Thanks Strop~ That was nice of you to say :8^D

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