Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → The Man With No Life.
Please tell me what you think. I am a first time story writer, and this is my first story. Please give feedback.
Have you ever wondered about life? Life is a curious thing. You are born, only to die. This is the same process on the planet Alaapokees. Alapokians are short little fellows, with pointed ears, and rounded noses. The tallest only come up to 4 feet tall.
Alaapokees is a small planet, only 9000 kilometers round. One tribe, deep inside Depthar, the forest of the Kingland, has a dark past. Many terrible wizards have come and taken away children, and slaughtered their parents. But there is hope. One Alaapokian named Drivthar has a special power. One only known to the tribe (the tribe's name is Wertha) Drivthar himself doesn't know about it. Until one day....
I will add on later. Please give me feedback!
- 67 Replies
What happens on the one day i wanna knowwwwww!(whaaaa tell me) Good job pleaze tell me what happens next.
Thank you skater_kid_who_pwns, despite our rapping rivalry. :P
I will add more on tomorrow, but I will give you a small hint.
Drivthar is not the man with no life.
Well, lets hope not! That would be an odd special power the power to have no life. LOL
Man, this'll take a while. Please check in every hour! I will have the First chapter by 5:00.
Sounds like a very good start. I would love to read what happens next. Congratulations and keep up the fine work.
There are a couple things I should tell you about Alaapokians. They have a short lifespan of about 50 years. They can jump incredible heights, up to 10 meters in the air. Their eyes are a surprising blue, the color of the Sdreftre ocean. They aren't as far in teechnology as the King's village. Wertha's weapons include bows and arrows, a few spears, and one Club. Now, to the story.
"Wake up... Wake up.... WAKE UP!" The sound of Drivthar's mother cut through the air like a arrow to a target. Drivthar reluctantly woke, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. He headed towrds his school, jumping for the fun of it. His principal, Ugther, was a nice little fellow, but when he was mad, you'd better get 10 miles away. He had been known to knock people all that way if he was really mad.
=====================To Be continued.....============================
Completely unneeded like a arrow to a target(an arrow to be precise, not a arrow). Not a good simile. At all. Sorry. :/
Yes, I understand completely. I'm never good with similies. :/
An interesting start, it jumps into the story very fast. I look forward to reading the next installment!
The story could easily be continued without that part...and you described the principal's personality, now describe his looks.
I do like your intro.
O man, It was good but......you left me hanging here! I need more!
Great intro! Now all you need to do is add the middle and end.
Oho, Vitamins, I haven't even started yet.
Wow.. Wonderful.. Should Michael Bay, Steven Spielberg, Sam Raimi, J.J. Abrams, and me collaborate on making this one a good movie? This is really fantastic to me.. Seriously.
Aww.... Teddy thinks it should be a movie! *Blushes*
I'm sorry guys, I'll continue this tomorrow. I get really lazy over weekends.
You must be logged in to post a reply!