Forums

ForumsArt, Music, and Writing

The Man With No Life.

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 6:38pm

flappybob999

flappybob999

860 posts

Please tell me what you think. I am a first time story writer, and this is my first story. Please give feedback.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Intro~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever wondered about life? Life is a curious thing. You are born, only to die. This is the same process on the planet Alaapokees. Alapokians are short little fellows, with pointed ears, and rounded noses. The tallest only come up to 4 feet tall.

Alaapokees is a small planet, only 9000 kilometers round. One tribe, deep inside Depthar, the forest of the Kingland, has a dark past. Many terrible wizards have come and taken away children, and slaughtered their parents. But there is hope. One Alaapokian named Drivthar has a special power. One only known to the tribe (the tribe's name is Wertha) Drivthar himself doesn't know about it. Until one day....

Intro Over.
I will add on later. Please give me feedback!

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 7:04pm

skater_kid_who_pwns

skater_kid_who_pwns

4,601 posts

What happens on the one day i wanna knowwwwww!(whaaaa tell me) Good job pleaze tell me what happens next.

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 7:20pm

flappybob999

flappybob999

860 posts


Thank you skater_kid_who_pwns, despite our rapping rivalry. :P
I will add more on tomorrow, but I will give you a small hint.
Drivthar is not the man with no life.

 

Posted Jul 17, '08 at 8:00pm

skater_kid_who_pwns

skater_kid_who_pwns

4,601 posts

Well, lets hope not! That would be an odd special power the power to have no life. LOL

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 9:23am

flappybob999

flappybob999

860 posts

Man, this'll take a while. Please check in every hour! I will have the First chapter by 5:00.

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 9:35am

Strongbow

Strongbow

328 posts

Sounds like a very good start. I would love to read what happens next. Congratulations and keep up the fine work.

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 10:10am

flappybob999

flappybob999

860 posts

There are a couple things I should tell you about Alaapokians. They have a short lifespan of about 50 years. They can jump incredible heights, up to 10 meters in the air. Their eyes are a surprising blue, the color of the Sdreftre ocean. They aren't as far in teechnology as the King's village. Wertha's weapons include bows and arrows, a few spears, and one Club. Now, to the story.

"Wake up... Wake up.... WAKE UP!" The sound of Drivthar's mother cut through the air like a arrow to a target. Drivthar reluctantly woke, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. He headed towrds his school, jumping for the fun of it. His principal, Ugther, was a nice little fellow, but when he was mad, you'd better get 10 miles away. He had been known to knock people all that way if he was really mad.

=====================To Be continued.....============================

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 10:17am

Klaushouse

Klaushouse

2,959 posts

Completely unneeded like a arrow to a target(an arrow to be precise, not a arrow). Not a good simile. At all. Sorry. :/

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 10:20am

flappybob999

flappybob999

860 posts

Yes, I understand completely. I'm never good with similies. :/

 

Posted Jul 18, '08 at 4:13pm

Carlie

Carlie

7,222 posts

Knight

An interesting start, it jumps into the story very fast. I look forward to reading the next installment!

 
Reply to The Man With No Life.

You must be logged in to post a reply!