ForumsArt, Music, and Writing[necro] Story- In the Desert

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notaguitarhero
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notaguitarhero
338 posts
Peasant

It's been six days alone in this endless desert. I'm ready to quit but I won't. I'm to far in to this now. My camel is starting to die. I don't know of what. But he hasn't been well since our last stop. He a few other and child. Maybe disease. Then in front of my eyes I see the best thing I've seen in six whole days, A pond. I leap off my camel and then I see some thing five times better. My darling wife.
Then she dissapears. It was just a mirage. She was murdered by the same people I am hunting down. Their leader goes by the alias "Daisy". One day that Daisy will be burned. The sun is getting to me though. I need to not think of revenge and rescue their current hostage...My son. The camel is dead. Food and water is running low. It looks grim from here. But I must push on. I grab my canteen, my last 3 rations, my knife, and my pistol, and carry on. Further and Further into this sandy hell. I'll be in bashkaba soon. Which is where the rest of this mission shall take place.
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COMMENTARY: Alright.
This is a work in progress. This is basically the middle of my story "In the desert"
And prelude and a sequel will be coming when I get around to it.
I chose the name "Daisy" as the Alias because I wanted something inncent sounding.
The reason the chracter dosen't have a name yet is because I wanted him to be mystrious and I couldn't think of a good name for a viglante.
And please don't post opionons on names. I'll think of one soon.
But, Do post if you like the story.
The draft was written at 11:20 Am before I joined the armorgames community.

  • 6 Replies
flappybob999
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flappybob999
809 posts
Shepherd

Hmm... Work on grammar. I had no idea what

He a few other and child.
meant.

Also, you may have wanted an intro.
notaguitarhero
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notaguitarhero
338 posts
Peasant

Yeah, As I said I am working on a intro.
I get in a hurry when I start typing.
What it was meant to say was *He bit a few other camels and a child.
I have good grammer.
I just get in hurry when I type.
I am really working on my intro but it hasn't came to me yet once it comes to me It's comes on paper.
Thank you for the help!

notaguitarhero
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notaguitarhero
338 posts
Peasant

Not exactly a shining example of good grammer in the last sentence. ._.

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,760 posts
Jester

I wonder if the hero will die. =P

kingryan
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kingryan
4,199 posts
Blacksmith

Yes, I speak goodly grammar too!

Interesting...although usually an intro is nice!

I await the continuing storyline?

KingRyan

skater_kid_who_pwns
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skater_kid_who_pwns
4,377 posts
Jester

it good use good grammar

Well, besides the grammar here and there it was great I await the intro though.

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