Forums → The Tavern → Chuck Norris Facts

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.


Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.


Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.


Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.


Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.


Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.


Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.


Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.


Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.


There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.


Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

these and many more at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ hurray

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.


In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I think everyone here just got owned here. Good day to you all.

# There is in fact an âIâ in Norris, but there is no âteamâ⦠not even close.

# Scotty in Star Trek often says âYe cannae change the laws of physics.â This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

# Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

# Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

# Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

# Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

# Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

# Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

# The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauronâs ass halfway through the first chapter.

# Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

# If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

# The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

# Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

# The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

# Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

# Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

# The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

# Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.

# Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

# A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

# It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

# Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

# Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

# Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

dang didnt come out right... http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

There already have been tons of topics about these. Please go check them out in the earlier pages. Thanks

-ManBearPig (Inspired by Florglee2 and DrakoKirby.)