Forums → WEPR → Doing nothing and death and stuff.

So. I am certain this is not the first topic of death, probably one of many but I don't want to put this in a pile of other topics about it. I want this to be specific. Not how you feel about it or what you believe but. Well I don't know this is my first time seriously posting here so, let's see if I can strike up a conversation. The reason I put doing nothing in the title is because the only time I have ever thought of death is when nothing is happening. Friends tell me to relax, stop doing things, playing games watching movies, sleeping and just relax. But I can't, because if I relax the first and foremost thing I think about is death. First I try to fathom how long an eternity is, I can't right now but when I am truely doing nothing and think about it. All the years that go by and the meaninglessness of it all and everything literally makes my brain hurt at the back, like I am trying to cram 1000 pounds of information in a .01 pound bag. It scares me, it truely does, that is why I will never truely relax. It's actually why I come to ArmorGames, there is nothing to do and I am online and ArmorGames keeps me busy, oh a new post here! A new post there! Comment yay! OH I have an idea post! Usually it's busy and it keeps me from thinking about it, if not I find anything to do. Which brings me to my next point of the fact that I am so afraid of not existing for the rest of my life I am almost scared not to believe in another world, along the lines of heaven. Now I am agnostic and from my belief of the term I do not deny nor acknowledge god, he is in the middle there and I have no real stance on his existence. But when the thought of death comes to mind I feel almost compelled to believe in god or I am not going to exist forever. But if I sacrifice my time in life to praying for god and going to church then I die, he doesn't exist and there goes me wasting a ton of my only time I will ever have ever, heck and I won't even know because I won't exist. So then I am not sure whether to believe in god or not at that point of my "relaxing". So I decide heck why don't I try praying, so I do. Outloud once and in my head once because I don't know which I am suppose to do and I won't ask anyone. Just asking him to give me a proper sign on if he exists. Never get anything or I just don't notice. But anyways. I am just so scared that everything will have to end and I can't stop it. And I am fine with having limited time but when it's done I won't even remember, I won't be able to recollect. I will be gone. And I try and think about me nothing thinking, forever, not existing forever. It's all so much. So.. people ask me all the time why I am always on the computer and games and online and stuff. I always just say I like it, and I do. I love it. But do I love it because of, it? Or do I love it because it keeps me from just thinking about things. Or both! But honestly though I do love coming online and chatting here. It keeps me going, keeps me busy and I appreciate it so much. But yeah I have never told anyone this, I don't know if this is the right forum I don't know if this will be read, blammed, or ignored I don't know. I am just really tired and want to go to bed. So, this is my first time in the more serious part of the forums and I don't even think this is suppose to go here. Not sure what I expect people to talk about. But. Just this stuff in general, I can't really put a word on it. Sorry if no one cares and this is a duplicate. But I thought what I have to say is more important than in the middle of page 73 somewhere where I will be forgotten within a minute. Anyways. Bedtime. So hope someone can get some good out of this and maybe strikes a good conversation, if not sorry lol. I will go back to my funny puns and one liners by the morning!

Goodnight!

Klaushouse