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Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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Posted Aug 5, '12 at 11:27pm

waluigi

waluigi

1,647 posts

And Waluigi returns, if maybe for a brief time.

A massive ball of flaming gas
lights the black abyss.
A centerpiece, quite hard to miss,
even in one quick pass.

Around it hurdle lumps of rock,
circling without end.
Their paths, a never-ending trend,
with no place for to dock.

This 'solar system' of planets and sun,
one great agglomeration,
I dare say, with trepidation
has an importance of next to none.

For these giants are just dust
in this great universe,
And so myself I most coerce
that living life is not a bust.

The rhymes got worse at the end. I guess that's what I get for being off poetry writing for all of several months.

 

Posted Aug 8, '12 at 5:42am

wolf1991

wolf1991

3,061 posts

Round closes tonight at 11:59pm EST. Judging will be later this week.

 

Posted Aug 8, '12 at 6:51pm

TopRank_

TopRank_

88 posts

Its me again. the great thinker. what shall i write about today? hmmm... i know! how about the solar system! great idea TopRank_, why thank you TopRank_. well anyway, here goes

____________________________________________________________________________________

a gauntlet of diamonds.
rubies, emeralds, sapphire.
in a darkness. weightless.
black. like a ravens beak
giants that defy description.
round. glowing. eternal.
are they gods? fickle gods.
composed of dust, gas, and fire.
they are not gods.
they are but mere disciples.
the true master. is far more frightening.
beautiful. a raging inferno. without the rage.
a topaz. far larger than the would be gods.
far more powerful. an intensity beyond mortal description.
is it a god? among the others. the gentle, incredible giants. yes.
this fire. a globe of raw energy in its purest form. the master. the god.
the god is benevolent to those partway between far and near.
the god is spiteful to those nearest.
and the god is uninvolved with the ones furthest.
is anything else? is the god all encompassing? is this heaven? no.
for the god among giants.

is a speck.

 

Posted Aug 8, '12 at 7:18pm

CheapCheep

CheapCheep

170 posts

Gah...judge please.......

 

Posted Aug 9, '12 at 5:09pm

wolf1991

wolf1991

3,061 posts

Gah...judge please.......

I suppose you missed the words "judging will be later this week". If you didn't allow me to explain why judging takes a few days. First, I read each poem seperately to see how it flows and what each poem envokes, at seperate times in order to give each a fair assessment. Then I put that all on the back burner in order to take a more critical view at the structure and grammar. Then,I wait until the next day to do it again. Then I post after writing an assessment of the top three poems.

 

Posted Aug 12, '12 at 2:04pm

wolf1991

wolf1991

3,061 posts

3rd Place: DrElmer

The poem is extremely short, and therefore there is little for me to say in terms of critique. However, with such few words you did manage to capture the human element within the solar system and out limits within it. However, I encourage that you expand upon the theme at greater length, or at least a few more lines, if only to flush out the ideas and theme more concretely.

2nd Place: waluigi

As you said the rhymes to become more strained as the poem continues. Furthermore, this affects the flow and metre of the poem, causing some problems in how one should read it. Structurally your poem is sound, and it reflects the theme in a very physical manifestation. While I applaud your diction and your efforts to spice up your poem I would have prefered something a little more restrained. I feel the poem would have been more effective with a simpler choice of vocabulary, however, you do add a sense of grandness, so there is a trade off. Overall a good job.

1st Place and Winner: TopRank_

Congratulations. Your poem has an very strong emotional and psycological imagery. Your description is rather varying and I found it to be distracting at times. Howevere, the most ingenious portion of the poem is the question of existence, and that of god. I found these to have a theological feel to them, which worked extremely well despite the theme being something naturally scientific. My major criticism is your grammar and punctuation. Your lack of capitalization and jarring halts with periods, and lack of commas, semicolons causes this poem to lose a lot of potential. I strongly suggest you brush up upon such things should you enter in the future. Yet, despite all this the poem is extremely well put together.

The next theme shall be: Sword and Sorcery

I would like to put the poetry contest back on a ten day per round scheduel, therefore the deadline is: August 22, 2012.

 

Posted Aug 13, '12 at 3:59am

Uysername

Uysername

32 posts

Sword and Sorcery? Can't wait! Any specifics?

 

Posted Aug 13, '12 at 3:59am

Parsat

Parsat

1,810 posts

Back with a curtal sonnet. You can picture this in any era you want; personally, I prefer the Warring States Period in ancient China.

The Hermit's Cackle
I will not proudly wave my country's flag
Nor bow in vassalage unto my lord.
I will not conjure up a single charm
For petty conflicts when republics brag.
I will not draw my sharpened skillful sword
To bring a foreign stranger any harm.

You see, when long ago I made my name,
Your foppish father feared my martial craft.
Though all I gained had all been stripped away,
Somehow, in banishment I found no shame.
In fact, I could have laughed.

 

Posted Aug 13, '12 at 10:32am

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,853 posts

Knight

People should get to know more about Chinese history, thank you Parsat!

Though I don't think there were republics at all ehe.

 

Posted Aug 13, '12 at 10:35am

Uysername

Uysername

32 posts

Tis will be my first entry ever.

Dead

The land I travel slowly; unto dimly lit rows,
I tardily advance toward an endless source of woes.
And whether day or night: engulfed in darkness verily,
Not to explain it airily...

But I'm reknowned throghout the land.
I am a shaman, binder - grand
Within the circle'o the occult.
I speak with dead, that's my exult.
I cleanse the living, that's my task.
And smiting evil, that's my bask.

"Show yourselves, thee evil souls!
From your vile and wretched holes,
And lo, for braught here I hath been
By King Arsenium the Quin!" -
- In the center corridor
Thundered I, the orator.
Little time for me was left:
Moaning ghouls and shades bereft,
Ghosts, and shadows, and a lich,
Creeping dead covered in midge,
Zombies crawling unrestored,
And vampires lead the horde.

I knew t'was no time for slumber;
They were more than I could number,
But I had faith in the divine,
Knew my god's power was mine.
And from my scabbard I released,
My father's sword, whom I have missed.
Its hilt was as that of a lord,
Edge of a finely crafted sword.
But more, it shone with my desire,
For all my foes dead in a fire.
A mighty swing was all it took -
Ignite a few, the rest rebuke.
The flames of ardor made them suffer,
When they fought back, my faith as buffer,
And my swordsmanship took 'em down.
If shades had faces, they would frown,
As even incorporeals I struck,
The vampires, more, were out of luck.

Nearing the end of my exalted
Slaughter of the dead, I halted.
There was an eerie sound nearby,
And there, couldn't believe my eyes!
Floated my father, as a ghost:
Without legs and without a nose.

Translucent lips a sigh evaded:
"So many years for you I've waited!"
"But...dad? How come? How can it be?"
"You see, you see,
T'was long ago,
When you were small, and crops were low.
A hag descended on my land,
With a deal I could not withstand."
"What was it?" "She'd make lettuce grow
But if I died in battle, I was to bind my soul
To this dungeon. And so you know...
An axe strike was just how I'd go."
"And went, you not."
"Stood with this lot.
This evil lot
Of which you saved me..."
"But I should bring you too nepenthe...
As binder, shaman, man of word,
Blood still ain't water, but I'm sworn..."
"Oh son, please, do not speak that way!
Oh, how I miss the light of day...
Give me a bady to walk free."
"But that's necromancy!"
"Indeed,
And without it, I can't be freed."

I pondered hard and bode my time.
He was my father, my blood, MINE!
But who was I? A cleanser, pure,
Oath to my god, I would for sure,
Endure any temptation...
Close my imagination.
And that's exactly what I did
"Father, advance.""As you say, kid
Wait, what is with that glowing globe
Which you have tucket from 'neath your robe?"

I said no word, listened to none,
On globe I sprinkled chicken bone.
The spell was set, sorcery primed,
Perfectly chimed, perfectly timed.
I honed my skill. Had no remorse.
Come on, father, bring out your worse.

But all he did was cry alone,
Fading away, through spell of bone.
I found myself sighing in tears.
What have I done...but then, the years
Of banishing came kicking in.
And then I said: "Father, give in,
I hate to banish you this way,
You are my blood, you were my ray."
"Then why, my son...you went ahead?"

"I realised...yes, you are dead."