Hi there, because the judging has taken so long, I've decided to take matters into my own hands. I've been a former judge here and there, and although I'm no longer as active as before I still lurk around. I've noticed that nothing has been going on, and so I've decided that perhaps it would be best for the sake of the contest for me to put the mantle back on. If wolf would like to post his judging at last, then his decision can supersede mine.
Wood: Nichodemus
The Art of Love
Caressing her sculpted curves
Laughter tinkling with silvery mirth,
As she coyly and softy murmurs,
Sweet nothings in hushed whispers.
Dimmed the subtle romantic lights,
Sun's orange glow welcomes our Night,
And the curtains came running home,
Our loft bedecked with silk and chrome.
Seductively stroked your cool neck,
Quickly without decorum or tact,
Flung your thin drenched dress away,
Let the connoisseur have his way.
Kissing your sensual lips,
Not a protest, splendid dear,
As I tilted back and took a sip,
Of that heavenly cold beer!
The poet combines a deliberate quaint style with one heck of a setup to bring us the art of love, brought to you by Heineken. While there are intriguing alliterations and excellent word choices scattered throughout the piece, I feel that the rhythm was rather choppy...in this case a strict metrical scheme over an accentual scheme definitely would have been preferable. In addition, the home/chrome rhyme was definitely too much of a giveaway, compromising the careful setup of the piece. Still, an admirable piece.
Silver: Maverick4
Hey there,
You seem a little lonely.
Why don't we walk for awhile,
And take strides to forget the past?
But how foolish of me.
For that would require an effort
On your part,
And you have none to spare.
A poem need not elegance of word nor elaborate schemes to be a poem. Anyone who has undergone a hard breakup will instantly relate to this poem. The last stanza is, in my humble opinion, brilliant in its deadpan bitterness and startling conclusive quality. The set-up that this poem creates in its terseness is very well done. Had the poet not changed his submission, I believe that this poem could and should have taken the prize. Alas, break-ups and fate can be quite cruel...
Gold: TopRank_
Juliet is Dead
paradise was hard fought
then burned to a mound
heaven sank to hell
candles in the ground
they found
an angel with a voice
the way of peace she taught
perfect light
perfect shadow
perfect sound
as dawn subsides to day
perfection flew away
everything has demons
devils in that way
to betray
but some angel
will be found
perfect light
perfect shadow
perfect sound
but in that short time
she was the light itself
light without flaw
but not without it
inside herself
light without shadow
is a song without a sound
perfect light
perfect shadow
perfect sound
perfection flew away
as fringe subsides to fray
as the poison touched her lips
perfect light, perfect kiss
no more
nothing is perfect
In the past, I thought that Romeo and Juliet was a pretty stupid play. How could it be that a couple meets, courts, marries, consummates, and dies in 3-4 hours? But after falling in love and having my own heart broken, I think I realized how deeply Shakespeare understood the power of the star-crossed lover, the search for perfection that ultimately defeats itself only after a taste of that perfection, and ironically enough, the stupidity of young love. I think your poem, understood as a response to Romeo and Juliet, reflects these qualities very nicely. To me, each repetition of "perfect" represents a candle on the ground each...you place and place and then you run out and they all burn away into oblivion. There are still places to undergo further revision--I feel that the angel/demon theme is vague and could be drawn out--but the effort I see here is genuine.
So unless wolf objects or the general outcry is sufficient, TopRank_ takes this contest. The theme, which will run until October 8, shall be Full Moon, in honor of the harvest moon and the Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Vietnamese Mid-Autumn Festival. I encourage you all to read some ancient Chinese poetry on the moon; it's quite fascinating and will help you become a better poet. Thank you all, ladies and gentlemen, and have a good night. I cannot say whether I will be around to judge again, but one thing is sure: I will be watching, and I will be waiting.
