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Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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Posted Oct 7, '12 at 11:48am

The_Gentlemen

The_Gentlemen

179 posts

Moon of Black

Full moon rises!
The world cries,cries...

Demons in white gloves!
You seen nothing,nothing,...

Knives hot blood spill!
No one stands ,stands...

Gun blazes,bullet flies!
No one survives,survives...

Things blink,BOOMSIES!
Justice dies,dies...

Nâoffer you canât refuse!
Father you rule, you rule...

Smoke, heaven comes!
No one stops,stopsâ¦

Corrupt this black world is!
No hope remains,remains...

The moon will fall,fall...
They die all,all...

The night ends,ends...
The world shines,shines...

 

Posted Oct 7, '12 at 3:59pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Here is something silly. If I have time I'll make a better one.

I am what they want me to be,
A figurative white page,
They could need a source of light
And I'd steal my brother's rays.

Or sometimes in me they see
A face that's looking down,
My face, that is, eyes opened wide,
Mouth twisted in a frown.

On other days they do insist,
A woman's on my skin,
Trapped up high in my domain,
Punishment for her sins.

They have declared me magical,
A source of mystery,
Turning men into gray wolves,
On some shadowy eve.

If they wish me to captivate,
I'll readily comply,
Inspiring men to create art,
Eyes fixated on the sky.

They choose to honor me once a year,
Baking themselves cakes to eat.
Though I work so very hard for them,
I've never once received a treat.

For though I try my very best
To please them as I pass,
My brother always comes first, it's true
That nice guys finish last.

 

Posted Oct 8, '12 at 6:13am

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,298 posts

Knight

Wait up for me, I'm going to post tonight!

 

Posted Oct 8, '12 at 1:54pm

killersup10

killersup10

2,766 posts

as the huge cheese floats
it swims in a blue moat

filled with unknown
great white toned cheese

the moon the big big moon!
it looks like a cookie!

creamy tasting
but really hard!



brain,can't think,but still have to make a entry...

 

Posted Oct 9, '12 at 4:36pm

Parsat

Parsat

2,223 posts

Submissions are closed now! (sorry Nicho) I will take on the judging once again and have it by tomorrow, October 10.

 

Posted Oct 9, '12 at 9:47pm

skydragon720

skydragon720

348 posts

thanks parsat, good luck to everybody!

 

Posted Oct 10, '12 at 9:12am

Max000_Extreme

Max000_Extreme

114 posts

As the day goes away
And the night become awake
As the sun say goodbye
And the full moon comes singing a la-la by
We see it
We study it
We sometimes admire it
and yeah
It is the full moon
not a coo ba-foon

 

Posted Oct 10, '12 at 9:28pm

skydragon720

skydragon720

348 posts

has parsat posted the winners?

 

Posted Oct 11, '12 at 4:25am

Parsat

Parsat

2,223 posts

Apologies for the lateness, but I finally did it. In this contest we have two finalists, one of whom is the merit winner. I've divided them into two phases of the moon.

Waxing Moon: TackyCrazyTNT


I am what they want me to be,
A figurative white page,
They could need a source of light
And I'd steal my brother's rays.

Or sometimes in me they see
A face that's looking down,
My face, that is, eyes opened wide,
Mouth twisted in a frown.

On other days they do insist,
A woman's on my skin,
Trapped up high in my domain,
Punishment for her sins.

They have declared me magical,
A source of mystery,
Turning men into gray wolves,
On some shadowy eve.

If they wish me to captivate,
I'll readily comply,
Inspiring men to create art,
Eyes fixated on the sky.

They choose to honor me once a year,
Baking themselves cakes to eat.
Though I work so very hard for them,
I've never once received a treat.

For though I try my very best
To please them as I pass,
My brother always comes first, it's true
That nice guys finish last.


If I can use the Chinese terminology, this poem exuded a sort of passive-aggressive yang that I haven't really seen associated with the moon, traditionally viewed as the yin to the sun. I really liked how you tied together so many different mythologies and lore about the moon and coalesced it into this poem. Although it ends with a bit of bitterness, I think you do a good job of painting a side of the moon we don't think of often...the dark side of the moon.

Waning Moon: JereN

At dusk she wakes,
at dawn she sleeps.
Stalker of the night,
as pale as a sheet.

Comfort to some,
terror to others.
Worshiped by one,
feared by another.

Lady of the dark,
sometimes so shy.
Luna is her name,
the traveler on the sky.


This poem, on the other hand, was more yin in its message. Although the rhythm isn't perfect, I feel the short lines and briefness of the poem reflects the simple beauty of the moon itself. In some areas she is ghostly, apparition-like, but I like that the last stanza puts such a viewpoint as misunderstood.

So who came out on top? In the end, I feel that JereN's poem showed a greater aesthetic in its restraint and a better mastery over the overall portrayal, although Tacky's poem was perhaps more technically able. Therefore, JereN is this contest's merit winner! Please contact a mod for your merit.

This next theme will be a very open-ended but rather challenging one, because for the first time in a long while the theme will be to write in a certain form: the haibun. The haibun is unusual in that it is the combination of a short prose section with a haiku. If you would like examples of haibun and a link to a tutorial, you can see this link. Good luck to you all! Submissions will be due on October 21. I look forward to reading your poems!
 

Posted Oct 11, '12 at 6:17am

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,298 posts

Knight

And the theme is?