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Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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Posted Oct 11, '12 at 2:23pm

Parsat

Parsat

1,810 posts

The theme is the haibun. The subject of your piece is up to you; it just has to be a haibun.

 

Posted Oct 14, '12 at 9:27pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

The Mightiest Rock

Slowly the river
Will wear down the mightiest
Rock. All yield to it.

-----

Hang-over induced headaches lead
To the siren song of Tylenol,
And hits of store-bought Adderal.
Walk a tight-rope? I'll do the deed.
In the end I know I'll fall
Since I'm merely human after all.
__________
Hows this for form?

 

Posted Oct 15, '12 at 6:46pm

jezz

jezz

1,447 posts

Hows this for form?

Parsat said the haibun is a short prose (maybe like a Twitter tweet in length) followed by a haiku. I don't know if you're allowed to write a poem instead of prose for it to be a haibun. Which is a shame if not, I really liked the poem! :3

 

Posted Oct 15, '12 at 9:41pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

Thanks Jess! Though I think its obvious I have no clue what prose is; my idea was wrong. To Wikipedia! Away!

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 5:16pm

jezz

jezz

1,447 posts

No problem Mav. By the way prose is just the normal way we write literature. Perhaps change your poem into a paragraph or something :3

 

Posted Oct 17, '12 at 5:15am

The_Gentlemen

The_Gentlemen

45 posts

I see blood spilling. I see brave mens die. I see husbands who will never see their son grow. I see people fleeing. I see the world burn.

I hear the cries. I hear metal against metal. I hear the last breaths of dying mens. I hear the shouts of fearsome warriors. I hear the sounds of Hell on Earth.

I feel the cold grip of my sword. I feel the flesh opening under my blows. I feel the bones cracking. I feel life leaving the corpses of my mens. I feel the blood, all that blood, on my hands.

I feel fear blocking me. I hear the gallop of a black horse. I see War.

His words, his thundering words...

"What a man is now?
"Between rives of an hot blood..."
"What a man is now?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."
"Just a quick flash of my sword."
"Lost. Soon forgotten..."
________________________

Prose first, two haikus later.
It's good?

 

Posted Oct 19, '12 at 6:06pm

nonfatcow

nonfatcow

11 posts

my friend said
he didnt like goodneighbor
we arent friends anymore
hahaha just kidding
hes dead.

 

Posted Oct 23, '12 at 2:23am

Parsat

Parsat

1,810 posts

Mav and Gentleman's poems pass the form, while nonfatcow's does not. The deadline is extended to Saturday, October 27 due to lack of entries. This will be the only extension due to the relative difficulty of this prompt.

 

Posted Oct 28, '12 at 12:02am

Kyouzou

Kyouzou

4,753 posts

I realize this is right on the line, sorry about the delay.

He walks alone, through teeming cities and desolate plains, always searching, always alone.

Searching for answers
End solitude, loneliness
Identity found

 

Posted Nov 4, '12 at 8:02pm

Parsat

Parsat

1,810 posts

My apologies for the late judging. I had three papers due this week, so I was unable to judge in a timely manner. Now I said that I would judge no matter what, so since we have three submissions, all three get a special mention. The haibun is an extremely advanced poetry technique, and so all three deserve to be mentioned. I will do this in the order they were submitted, to preserve the identity of the winner until the end.

Maverick4

The Mightiest Rock

Slowly the river
Will wear down the mightiest
Rock. All yield to it.

-----

Hang-over induced headaches lead
To the siren song of Tylenol,
And hits of store-bought Adderal.
Walk a tight-rope? I'll do the deed.
In the end I know I'll fall
Since I'm merely human after all.

The haiku component struck me as very Western because of its enjambment, despite its natural subject. While not typical for haiku at all, I did like the rough look it gave, especially paired with the gritty verse segment. There is a sense of grinding, agonizingly slow dissipation that is conveyed well.

The_Gentleman

I see blood spilling. I see brave men die. I see husbands who will never see their son grow. I see people fleeing. I see the world burn.

I hear the cries. I hear metal against metal. I hear the last breaths of dying mens. I hear the shouts of fearsome warriors. I hear the sounds of Hell on Earth.

I feel the cold grip of my sword. I feel the flesh opening under my blows. I feel the bones cracking. I feel life leaving the corpses of my men. I feel the blood, all that blood, on my hands.

I feel fear blocking me. I hear the gallop of a black horse. I see War.

His words, his thundering words...

"What a man is now?
"Between rives of an hot blood..."
"What a man is now?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."
"Just a quick flash of my sword."
"Lost. Soon forgotten..."

The reference to the horseman of the Apocalypse is not lost here, conveyed by a man who sees his own imminent death in the midst of a hellish end. I feel that the double haiku is interesting but not particularly necessary...I don't feel that the repetition was the best in the first one either. In such a terse form, it may be advisable to keep it moving. The prose is especially atmospheric but a little drawn out. Still, a very thematic and well-rendered piece.

Kyouzou

He walks alone, through teeming cities and desolate plains, always searching, always alone.

Searching for answers
End solitude, loneliness
Identity found

I like the terseness of both the prose and haiku sections...it leaves much for the mind to imagine and link together. On the other hand, reusing words between the prose and haiku felt like a limit was placed where there didn't need to be...like the leap of faith was not quite far enough to merit faith. Still, the ability to convey mood and tension with such an economy of words is by all means not easy, and you did it well.

As we can see, these three entries took very different approaches, but with surprisingly similar subject matter. Which one did the best? In the end, I will have to go with Maverick4's submission. He took two seeming incongruous prose and haiku sections and melded them very well, even using verse and enjambment to his advantage in setting up the scene. Well done! He is our merit winner for this round.

Our next theme is much simpler...I've learned my lesson not to do complex form themes. The theme is Bells, in honor of one of my personal favorites, Edgar Allan Poe's The Bells. Bells have appeared in many cultures, and the peal of the bell can evoke many different meanings and emotions, oftentimes conflicting and contradictory. Feel free to explore in this simple theme! The deadline for this prompt will be on Saturday, November 17. Good luck, and happy writing.