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Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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Posted Sep 16, '08 at 8:25pm

firetail_madness

firetail_madness

19,843 posts

gman1000, your poem is good, but it doesn't have a real feel to it. Things just seem to pop up everywhere, I like poems where it always follows a single beat, know what I mean?

I'm not saying I didn't like yours, it's better then anything I could have done.

 

Posted Sep 16, '08 at 9:50pm

infernacron

infernacron

945 posts

school is in session,
class is in session
i daydream about fantasy
I am Rudely corrupted

I sit in detention
with the anger of a thousand souls in hell
i cross my eyes
staring into oblivion

The teacher comes in
makes me do work
and then
I EXPLODE

I go fist to fist with the teacher
I am stopped by my classmates
then i realize i have friends
as i am in trouble

I had my last run,
my last serenade
with life,
as i commit suicide

 

Posted Sep 17, '08 at 6:35pm

mvpguy22

mvpguy22

290 posts

All of these are very good, I'm still deciding on mine...don't know what to do quite yet...yikes!

I have to say my favorite so far is Gantic's.

 

Posted Sep 17, '08 at 9:18pm

adrecka_33

adrecka_33

324 posts

I think i liked Gmans the best, its the kind of style i like to read.....

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 9:57am

shayneii

shayneii

2,436 posts

These poems are getting good!

I'm still trying to make mine, glarg.  Hopefully I can get it in before the deadline.

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 3:46pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

0_o, infernacron, that's really. . . . . .dark.

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 3:54pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

I know the topic so. . . .I'll give a shot at it ^^

School:

the cesspool of hate
the closet of turmoil
the plane of regret

We go to school with heavy heads,
not for learning, but for dread,
yelled at pushed, to our limits,
you think, Why god? am I in this.

The bullies punch,
the populars sneer,
you eat your lunch,
wait for dusk to come near.

At the end of the day,
You finally play,
for an hour or two,
until homework looms.

Back to bed,
it gives me dread,
back to school,
it's a deadly cesspool.

I made it as I went along, but I normally do that when I write, even when doing essays, and I get A's on those ^-^

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 6:09pm

infernacron

infernacron

945 posts

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 3:46pm
thoadthetoad

0_o, infernacron, that's really. . . . . .dark.

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 6:10pm

infernacron

infernacron

945 posts

then if you think think that's dark you don't know half of me!

 

Posted Sep 18, '08 at 6:19pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

naw, I like dark. I was just saying. . . . .didn't see that coming ^-^