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My Story

Posted Sep 4, '08 at 8:48pm

Ricador

Ricador

2,020 posts

Wood - Prince

Subconsciously. I will change the name.

Well does it really matter? As long as it is not exactly the same...

:)

 

Posted Sep 4, '08 at 9:14pm

gman1000

gman1000

902 posts

Wood - Prince

A little more. Not done with Chapter 1.

Prologue

A piercing shriek erupted from the maw of a beast, racing through a village.  Men cowered in fear.  Women and children held each other for comfort. There was no escape. It would come and hunt them down until the last drop of life was gone.  A sudden breeze blew out all of the village lanterns.  The only light left was the full moon. Its light was a source of pain for the villagers. The moon seemed so close that they might be able to escape from the horrendous, yet it was so far away. It taunted them.

They knew that soon they would be stripped of all life. Taken away from the very things they knew and loved. They would instantly be gone from this life, into whatever awaited them after. They said their last prayers.

Another shriek filled the village. Yes, tonight they would be gone. There was no hope. The Ztynak were coming.

Chapter I

Jaecar awoke with a start. He sat on his straw bed panting, sweat dripping from his forehead. He had had a restless night, tossing and turning in his bed. Today was the day of his sixteenth birthday. The day he would become a man was here. He looked around at his room, his straw bed, his shelf, his odd collection of rocks that had grown over the years. He crept down the stairs, remembering. There was the dent in the door he had placed while wrestling his brother. But today, today he was leaving this place. He was going to start anew. This was his day.

As he crept down the stairs and into the kitchen the smell of bacon, fine meat, and potatoes filled the air. This was the one thing he was going to miss, breakfasts cooked by his father.

“Good morning son! How was your night?â€

*Note
Ztynak is pronounced by making the widening your tounge and making and sort of slurring an "s". The "y" is pronounced by saying "e", and the rest is how it sounds.

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 9:12am

shermzx

shermzx

571 posts

Wood - Lord

MORE!i'll be waiting for more updates.
sounds like a potential story.
comparable to many of the books i have read before
the words you used were strong and descriptive

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 9:13am

shermzx

shermzx

571 posts

Wood - Lord

Ztynak rhymes with PEANUT
lol sry no offends

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 5:02pm

gman1000

gman1000

902 posts

Wood - Prince

Not really. It is very hard to describe its sound, and that was the best I could do. To truely show you, I would have to meet you in person.

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 5:05pm

yann510

yann510

31 posts

Wood - Squire

Nice chapter 1 as shermzx said you use many descriptive words and I'm learning with these ! (I'm french and I'm in grade 9th)

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 5:17pm

gman1000

gman1000

902 posts

Wood - Prince

Good to hear. I try to be as descriptive as possible.

For example:
Instead of: "A shriek went through the village."
I put: "A piercing shriek erupted from the maw of a beast, racing through a village."

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 5:46pm

gman1000

gman1000

902 posts

Wood - Prince

Another update:

Prologue

A piercing shriek erupted from the maw of a beast, racing through a village.  Men cowered in fear.  Women and children held each other for comfort. There was no escape. It would come and hunt them down until the last drop of life was gone.  A sudden breeze blew out all of the village lanterns.  The only light left was the full moon. Its light was a source of pain for the villagers. The moon seemed so close that they might be able to escape from the horrendous, yet it was so far away. It taunted them.

They knew that soon they would be stripped of all life. Taken away from the very things they knew and loved. They would instantly be gone from this life, into whatever awaited them after. They said their last prayers.

Another shriek filled the village. Yes, tonight they would be gone. There was no hope. The Ztynak were coming.

Chapter I

Jaecar awoke with a start. He sat on his straw bed panting, sweat dripping from his forehead. He had had a restless night, tossing and turning in his bed. Today was the day of his sixteenth birthday. The day he would become a man was here. He looked around at his room, his straw bed, his shelf, his odd collection of rocks that had grown over the years. He crept down the stairs, remembering. There was the dent in the door he had placed while wrestling his brother. But today, today he was leaving this place. He was going to start anew. This was his day.

As he crept down the stairs and into the kitchen the smell of bacon, fine meat, and potatoes filled the air. This was the one thing he was going to miss, breakfasts cooked by his father.

“Good morning son! Would you like some grub?â€

Jaecar sat down at the kitchen table. It was worn with age. He had always been told his grandfather carved it by hand, slowly making it, so it would be perfect. Perfect it was indeed. It was strong, sturdy, and just the right length.

His father soon had prepared a feast for him, or at least a feast in their perspective.  It was piled high with bacon, bread, fruits, and the meat from their finest calf.  Jaecar was astonished. He had never had so much to eat in one sitting.  They usually just had bread and a few strips of bacon.

Jaecar’s family had not done well the last few years.  There had been too much rain, causing the crops to be over watered and die.  On top of that, their barn had burned down not 3 months ago. He had had to take up a job aside from helping his father in the fields. He had been helping Acharon in his tavern.  It had been very tough for him.  In the morning he would wake up and help his father in the fields.  In the afternoon he would work in the tavern.

That is why he wanted to leave.  He wanted to go on his own adventure.  He did not want to do the same thing every day.  He had always loved to go out into the unknown, and today was the day that he would go out into the greatest unknown, adulthood.

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 6:30pm

firetail_madness

firetail_madness

6,727 posts

Gold - King

You copied that from word as well?

*points at symbols*

 

Posted Sep 5, '08 at 6:31pm

yann510

yann510

31 posts

Wood - Squire

wow, you write pretty fast ! I've tryed to write something but it took me several minutes -_- and I don't know when to use descriptive words :p

 
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