Armor Games

Terrible Prologue. Great first chapter. You're not a bad writer but you mixed some elements of a prologue with a beginning.
A prologue is meant for explaining the main character and the setting.
The should be nothing of the plot in the prologue.
The middle (the moon and stuff) is great for a prologue but the beginning (the shriek) and the ending(The Krakzah) is suspenseful, but it should be part of the main story not the prologue.

This would be a great back cover summary to make people want to read your book ( if you decide to make it one).
...Holy crap did I just write an essay? lol. I'm gonna add you I want to read more of this, but consider editing.

I actually think that with some editing, that you could make it into one of those books that are sold only at your local book store.

I actually think that with some editing, that you could make it into one of those books that are sold only at your local book store.

You might have to be a little older first!

oh sorry i didnt realize there was more than a prologue.
well now i have more to say. lol... mmm here goes.

The first chapter has nothing to do with the prologue.
The prologue is meant to also set the story up, which it may later

It is a very generic sounding story. Like almost all the creative writing essays i did as a kid. All action and no charcterisation. Unless you are planning to write an entire book on the internet which i dont advise you to do then this isnt great. Its ok though. Youcan tell that you are keen and have an active imagination. Dont give up your day job though.

Dont give up your day job though.

I don't think he even has a day job! ROFL :P

well it was a figure of speech. From the quality of writing it was clear he wasnt that old. But for his age im guessing around 12 it wasnt bad.

I think he's 13.

well then i stand by what ive already said.

Okay, so the first chapter has nothing to do with the prologue, or does it?

You people say I'm an okay writer. What could I'm improve, you aren't being very descriptive.

@woody

How is it bad.

People! Please explain better!