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gman1000
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gman1000
978 posts
Nomad

I was inspired while talking to firetail_madness.

Here is something I whipped up in a few minutes. I will add more later.

Prolouge

A piercing shriek erupted from the maw of a beast, racing through a village. Men cowered in fear. Women in children held each other for comfort. There was no escape. It would come and hunt them down. A sudden breeze blew out all of the village lanterns. The only light left was the full moon. Its light was a source of pain for the villagers. The moon seemed so close that they might be able to escape from the horrendous, yet it was so far away. It taunted them.

They knew that soon they would be stripped of all life. Taken away from the very things they knew and loved. They would instantly be gone from this life, into whatever awaited them after. They said their last prayers.

Another shriek filled the village. Yes, tonight they would be gone. There was no hope. The Krakzah were coming.

  • 43 Replies
gman1000
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gman1000
978 posts
Nomad

Okay, so I am looking through here, and at first I see things such as, "MORE!i'll be waiting for more updates.
sounds like a potential story.
comparable to many of the books i have read before
the words you used were strong and descriptive."

But then I started reading review such as, "It is a very generic sounding story. Like almost all the creative writing essays i did as a kid. All action and no charcterisation. Unless you are planning to write an entire book on the internet which i dont advise you to do then this isnt great. Its ok though. Youcan tell that you are keen and have an active imagination. Dont give up your day job though."

So, I don't know what to think...

gman1000
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gman1000
978 posts
Nomad

Well guys? Is it good or bad? What do I need to improve?

adrecka_33
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adrecka_33
304 posts
Peasant

I like it.... it could and probable will turn out to be a great story...

slipsoccer
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slipsoccer
1,081 posts
Peasant

Yeah it was good!

Lil_azn_boi_360
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Lil_azn_boi_360
10 posts
Nomad

Yeah good story!

slipsoccer
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slipsoccer
1,081 posts
Peasant

Can you make another one?

ace00823
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ace00823
8 posts
Nomad

awesome!!!

gman1000
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gman1000
978 posts
Nomad

I can keep on writing it. What should I do to make it better?

erokogirl
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erokogirl
98 posts
Nomad

nice!i could never write a masterpiece like that. please finish it. i wanna hear everything

Sodas
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Sodas
313 posts
Nomad

I just read the first bit its pretty entertaining I will continue to read through out the day!

Sodas
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Sodas
313 posts
Nomad

I just finished reading the rest at the moment overallwould be 7/10 I can't wait for the next chapter Gman!

crazynaitor
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crazynaitor
2,612 posts
Jester

Its an okay story Gman but 8/10 from me.

sk8rdude592
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sk8rdude592
21 posts
Shepherd

Thats awsome

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