Armor Games

OVER THE EDGE

    To merely live in the self- perpetuating human aquarium we so blatantly call society is not survival.  Only when the will of man is cast into the unfurling darkness of the unknown, where society is absent and the only constant is the will to live can we truly survive. That is when we are truly among equals.  Only when we take the leap over the edge into the darkness can we truly validate our existence in this world.  Very few dare to careen over the edge but those whole do are forever bound to that wonderful darkness and have the privilege and curse to take it where ever life may take them.  But there are those that leap over the edge, rushing into the darkness and there are those that are pushed.  The only difference is those who merely live die but those who let a part of them die survive.
    The man awoke abruptly and looked around and gazed upon his unfamiliar surroundings.  He soon remembered he was on a flight to Brazil for a much needed vacation.  His long hours at the office had taken their toll.  He was a young man in his mid twenties but looked considerably older.  He was very pale due to the long hours under the florescent lights and meals substituted for vending machine cuisine did not exactly supply the vital sustenance  for a healthy physique.  His nights awake were also evident in his appearance but that was not a result of this hectic work schedule.  The cause was the same dream that awoke him on the plane, the same one he had been having for months on end.  The dream started with himself floating on a vast ocean of pure black but despite the unusual surroundings he was calm and happy but as he lay floating immense trees, all pure black began to rise from the depths.  They grew so high they blotted out the sun and within the trees indistinguishable unknown entities emerged.  As they slowly moved toward the man he immediately woke up.
    Casting aside the odd feeling of anticipation the dream always left him he remembered the pilot making an announcement that they were currently flying over the dense Amazon Rain Forest.  He stared in awe out the window at the canopy slowly creeping out of the dense mist.  The sight was an once of a life time experience for a man that rarely left the office but seemed oddly familiar.  Then there was a loud blast and the man’s entire world was consumed in darkness.
    The man awoke to the sound of rain hissing on the jungle canopy.  He gazed upon this surroundings.  It was night time he and he could make out the dismembered carcass of the plane and at least a dozen human bodies pouring out of it.  The man found it odd that he found this sight more familiar than the view he had waking up on the plane.  He tried to move.  His arm was broken.  A few ribs where shattered but his legs where fine and he suffered no major lacerations.  He stood up and noticed he was suffering from a hefty concussion and every breath brought him pain. 
    Casting everything aside he got up and surveyed his surroundings.  He was surprisingly calm.  The forest seemed like home.  He noted that there was virtually no chance of rescue in this dense tree cover and the stench of rotting flesh in the jungle was bound to lure unwanted visitors to the location.  He knew he had to move.  But where?  The man began to think.  He came to the simple conclusion that water moved downhill and water meant civilization so he must move downhill to find water and hopefully salvation.  It wasn’t much of a plan but a plan none the less and was better than doing nothing.  Those who live put their lives in the hands of God and in the hands of others.  But those who survive take hold of their fate and adapt to their surrounding rather than hoping their harsh reality will conform to their whim.  Planning is a hallmark of survivors and this ordinary man unknowingly had the tools in him all along.
    Everything seemed to die on that plane. Along with the dead passengers the man’s fear, doubt and desire for anything beyond his own survival perished on that plane.  Others had lived through the crash but they were dead to the man.  He would make the journey alone.  He trudged silently of into the swelling darkness, casting his newfound will against the indomitable whim of nature.

comment on it please

It's alright,  i guess a 7/10....

Wow nice First Chapter i give it a 9/10 =D

I like it. Is this going to be a book where the chapters are all only a page or two? If not, you should probably lengthen it or instead make it a short story with breaks in it.

I don't know exactly what you plan to have happen in the story, though, so what i have to say may be irrelevant, and I also don't want to force my ideas on your story.

First, why don't you mention his name? Or is that a part of him that had to die so he could survive? If you plan on having a scene that goes back to his family it would provide interesting contrast if they use his name a lot while for following the protagonist you keep silent on his name.

I think you should include more detail as to how he survived but you might be assuming he was just lucky when the plane exploded or are planning a flashback.

Most people have trouble doing anything at all when they're ribs are shattered and their arms are broken, let alone walk out into the jungle alone.

The forest seemed like home.

I think "welcoming" better conveys the idea.

Great first chapter though. How much research have you done though? Have you read "The Hatchet" or "My Side of the Mountain" and have you studied the Amazon Rainforest and it plants, animals, and the ways of it's people? I can't wait to see subsequent chapters.

I quite enjoyed it. You seem to have put a lot of thinking into it. Although, even if we put our lives into Gods hands, we still have to act. We can't just let God do it all for us....That line where you had that confused me....

The first paragraph was slightly confusing...I had a bit of trouble understanding that!

Also, what scale are you planning to have the novel?

How long for example?

KingRyan

I'm not sure if you're writing a novel or presenting a philosophy of life and existence. It may be good to decide which one you're doing, and stick to that. It is possible to write the novel and have the philosophy explained, either through the interior monologue of the main character, interactions with other characters, thoughts of the character, etc. For example, you manage to mention the dream, how he feels about it, etc without breaking from the story. But all of a sudden there's some philosophical line about God (which above comments indicate not everyone agrees with) which totally broke me out of the story. Especially because you are saying things that not everyone will agree with, it may be better to mix them in more smoothly as a character's thoughts (which I can disagree with and still enjoy the story) rather than the apparently infallible view of the omniscient narrator (which if I disagree with, I'll get annoyed and quit reading because it breaks me out of the story).

You've got some grammar errors, including run-on sentences. Also some of your sentences and paragraph structures are a little choppy, making the reading a distracting experience instead of immersing me in your writing. Try making it flow more, aim for smoothness first and worry about stunning me with your imagery and philosophy second.

6/10 I'd have to give it but it seems like it was copied.

I thought it was a decent 1st chapter 9/10
Can't wait for 2nd

THIS IS 100% MY OWN WORK!!! NOT COPIED!!!

I think he was referring to that because of the symbols in your story...