ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMy story: your opinions

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Caution_im_playing
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Caution_im_playing
119 posts
Nomad

pretend there is a narrator. =]

Far away in a small kingdom was a little girl named Diana Raffle. Always having to work and never getting to play. She had a strict mom, she never let her make friends. Diana was a princess that people knew about but never knew where she went after she disappeared with her mom.
(years go by)

One day while she was cleaning she found papers of her legal documents of B.C. and who her father, he was a king, As she was reading streams of tears rolled down her cheeks and eventually fell to the ground. Her mom walked in and seen the papers in her hands and her crying. Her mom explained to her why she kept her from knowing the truth about her being a princess. Her father wasn't a very nice king. His name was King John (also known as John Raffle)
He would kill any man who did not follow an order. He killed several of his chefs because they would burn the food. He killed servants when they tried sneaking out, But Diana was determined to meet her dad.

(a year later she found him)


Once she arrived there she went to the the town square to talk to villagers to find where he was. After she found out she went to look for him at his castle. Diana found John sitting at his throne yelling at a servant again, the chair next to him was empty with a diamond tiara in it, she was wondering why it was there if her mom was in another kingdom. She walked to him after he was done and he yelled at her asking what she wanted. Before Diana said anything He knew who it was and he yelled from delight saying "my god i have found my Diana". With great tears of joy they celebrated with the servants and chefs made tons of food.

John told her about her mom taking her from him when she wanted to leave the castle and he never had got to say goodbye and after that night he never had seen her again. Diana never went back to see her mom ever again.

He asked her to take the missing spot up there by him and she said yes only if he swore to never kill another person. He gladly said ok. ( 3 years later)

Diana found a guy named Cain and months later they got married and lived in the castle. John got very ill one winter and he knew he wasn't going to live it through so he gave the throne to Cain. So Cain took place of King John when he passed away.

Cain and Diana lived for many years until they died of old age. They were buried in the Castles graveyard.

THE END> :]

  • 4 Replies
Demonarian23
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Demonarian23
415 posts
Nomad

man, the end is very emo
you also have a horrible grammar and use no conotations.
above that, this is boring

Owen135731
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Owen135731
2,128 posts
Peasant

i agree, this does have bad grammar

Aquajag
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Aquajag
89 posts
Nomad

Bad grammar seems to be the order of the day. Plus, why should I imagine there is a narrator? After all, this is your story: just make a narrator. Simple solution, that. The parenthetical statements are totally unnecessary. Just add them to the story.

slipsoccer
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slipsoccer
1,081 posts
Peasant

Eh its okay could be better.

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