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Zezima's Quest 'Story' (I started writing it at school).

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 5:27pm

BlackOwt

BlackOwt

58 posts

Welcome to my story, Zezima's Quest.

I hope you like it and yeah, enjoy!

Once there was a great warrior born amongst many other kids. His name was Zezima. He is now older and has been teaching others how to become a warrior and never show fear.

"Zezima!" says a warrior as he comes running up to Zezima saying something "We have a war on our hands and we have to fight, They're comming by sundown!" "Hmm, Get our soldiers ready and archers, we might need to have some catapaults."

"Sundown is almost here, Zezima." Says a archer above the castle walls. "I know, wait! There is a large army, THEY HAVE ARRIVED!" Says Zezima with a rough tone. "Tell the town to go home and hide!" Says Zezima. "On it." Says a soldier.

It is now sundown and they are closer...

"Positions, people!" says Zezima "Archers... Fire arrows ready..." "FIRE!!!" The sound of the arrows are flying past catapaults and soldiers. "SHIELDS" Says a Warlord called "Masamune".

"I shall take your head like nothing!"

TO BE CONTINUED.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 5:43pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

...is this like a fan story from RS? Anyways, the mini-chapter is a little short. . .but it's kinda good.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 5:49pm

BlackOwt

BlackOwt

58 posts

@thoadthetoad

Yeah, I just had it stuck in my head and a Sub-Teacher told me my story writing was good for a little kids like me.

Well, I hope everyone enjoys it...

My next chapter sortof thing will be released tommorow so get ready, XD.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:11pm

Cenere

Cenere

12,941 posts

Knight

Zezimo would be better, it is more masculine.
Past tense would make it more dramatic, and give you the oppotunity to give it more realism and more describtive text:
It is now sundown and they are closer...

The sun set slowly, and its golden rays made the marching army look greater and more fierce as the dying light made their armour crimson.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:15pm

BlackOwt

BlackOwt

58 posts

Well, "Zezima" Is someone's name on Runescape so I wouldn't change it...

And I am only a kid, XD... Thanks for the idea, I'd be sure to post it in my next chapter.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:15pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

wow, good observation cenere, I never really looked at those details like that. But the fire arrows do look better when at night.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:25pm

BlackOwt

BlackOwt

58 posts

Yeah but my point, Zezima sounds like "Zeh-zee-mah" to me people think it is "Zih-zeh-mah"...

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:26pm

Cenere

Cenere

12,941 posts

Knight

That is okay, I just come with a little critique when I can.

And... I love details. I often write stories, where there is little or no speech...

fire arrows do look better when at night.
The sun blazed a few minutes over the edge of the world, then all was dark but the fire between the archers. They had little or no arrows left, but Zezima was eager to finish it. He himself took an arrow and fired. The flame flew through the air like a hawk of fire, flying free before it fell, hitting a soldier as its sharp head turned towards the hard, cold ground, dragging the soldier into darkness with it.

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:41pm

thoadthetoad

thoadthetoad

5,439 posts

Yeah but my point, Zezima sounds like "Zeh-zee-mah" to me people think it is "Zih-zeh-mah"...

I always pronounced it Zeh-zee-muh, instead of "Zeh-zi-muh". Idk, where people get that.

The sun blazed a few minutes over the edge of the world, then all was dark but the fire between the archers. They had little or no arrows left, but Zezima was eager to finish it. He himself took an arrow and fired. The flame flew through the air like a hawk of fire, flying free before it fell, hitting a soldier as its sharp head turned towards the hard, cold ground, dragging the soldier into darkness with it.

cooooooooOOOooooll (no sarcasm intended)

 

Posted Oct 25, '08 at 6:46pm

BlackOwt

BlackOwt

58 posts

mmm, lolz, how do you do that thing how you reply to a post how it's got that thick line then italic comment of whoever posted it?

 
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