ForumsArt, Music, and WritingLife- a poem by me. *PLEASE rate*

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jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

Life

Life is giant dice
Deciding your fate
A single shake could change your life
For good or for worse
Evil or angelic

Life is learning
Knowledge to hold fast too
For knowledge is the tree of life
In the Garden of Eden

  • 17 Replies
jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

i would really appreciate it if someone took a minute or two to rate my poem

flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

Very good. Free verse? Very interesting. I like how you completed it with the Garden of Eden and the Tree of Life from the Bible.
9/10

Maybe making it longer would help.

jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

i am a fan of shorter poems. I think it's easier to get a meaning in shorter poems because you focus more on the words

flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

you focus more on the words


Well, my belief is not about words. It's about the feeling and concept of the poem itself. I think of a poem as a life. They are good when long and healthy, while short and healthy is toleratable.
Poems are meant to be flowing and meaningful, not short and focused.

Still, great poem.
jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

Poems are meant to be flowing and meaningful, not short and focused.


A poem is interpreted differently by each person. A poem could be considered wordy by one person and descriptive by another.
flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

A poem could be considered wordy by one person and descriptive by another.


True.
I see you're not giving up the fight; nice.

Ah, but the interpretation depends on what descriptions the author uses.
jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

Ah, but the interpretation depends on what descriptions the author uses.


Interesting, I say we agree to disagree.
flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

Lol ;P

May I have a snap at making a poem?
(Don't worry, it won't be too 'wordy' :P)

jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

ok sure. try to be my inspirational poem

jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

try to beat*** me.. (sorry for the confusion)

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,593 posts
Blacksmith

Life is giant dice


Think you should fix that a little bit.

Deciding your fate


And your actions and decisions have a part in it too.

A single shake could change your life


Agreed.

For good or for worse


Hmmm....

Evil or angelic


Pretty much a copy of the line above it?

Life is learning


Dunno about that...

Knowledge to hold fast too


Kind of off-topic there...

For knowledge is the tree of life


Really?

In the Garden of Eden


Eh...
flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

Okay... So this is sort of a Hoedown, innit? ;D

Seasons (Free verse)

Seasons of mother nature replenish the world
while some batter the defenseless creatures
that are foolish enough to try to bravely attack mother nature
head to head with nothing but their dear lives and cold hard hearts
low in their stomachs as they keep their small cluster of family
alive and well
so they can do it all over again next year
with more determination
than a mad rhino.

Winter comes and goes like the wind;
one moment here, the next, not.
It covers the Earth with a sheet of snow and hail
granting passage to those only who seek shelter
during the rain down.
But fear not, little creature,
for Spring is almost here,
refilling mother nature with new life and energy
for the upcoming summer.


Soo.... How you like it?

jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

ah, yet another nature poem. A bit of a cliche I'd say but over all I enjoyed it. You used some great descriptions and Personifications. I also liked the similies you used. Nice job (thumbs up)

flappybob999
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flappybob999
797 posts
Peasant

Ah well, Nature is my thing (Is that what people say nowadays?).

I don't consider myself good, but thanks for the feedback.
Are you going to make another poem?

jalex13
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jalex13
293 posts
Nomad

i also wrote the poem one hope lost. it is in the thread called One Hope Lost-written by me*please rate*. i would appreciate it if you checked it out and commented on it

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