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I wrote this story, or prelude in English, I have no idea what it's about though, I figured you guys couldn't finish it up!
I'm stuggling, but I can't win. I finally stop moving, make them carry me, where ever they're taking me. They through me in a room, it dark, i se light for only a second then nothing.
Not sure how long I've been here, food gets pushed in periodicaly I'm guessing three times a day, that mean I've been here a week. I stop eating who cares, I'm going to die anyway. Soon I start seeing colors, but theres no light. I know whats happening I struggle to keep my sanity, but eventualy the light overcomes. Blurs of colors, memories, my family, now death every where, I can't esacpe, I cry. I see a bright light I think I'm dead, but a voice from a world, old yet new to me says "Good you alive, come with me"
I know it's rough but it's my first real try at a story (well kinda story thing lol), please rate or add on. Thanks!
- 13 Replies
perty gewd. i would work on editing, theres a lot of mistakes.
id give it a 6/10.
looking forward to the next installment
Ya, there are many mistakes but excluding them I'd say with some polishing up and addition it could be a 9.4/10.
Ok, currently working on downloading word, so i can print it easier and take it with me on my 3 hour road trip lots of editing will be done.
nice one! 7.6 but den again its just short i hope d next one includes d guy der having to escape from d place wer d other dudes htrew him to.
Well as a quick update, I'm currently writing a part that leads up to this. After that I have an idea for the next part. Also just wondering but do you like the style of this ?
I like the style, and I actually advise keeping some of the mistakes in the later part of it. Obviously remove all spelling mistakes, but it would read too slowly if you put periods instead of commas in the ending.
Ya, when I write all of it it will be a mix between this a third person limited. The reason it's so choppy is it's supposed to simulate human thought. I'm going to use it when he's not " all there"
Iâm screaming for help but no one seems to answer, Iâm alone in this wasteland, this hell. A barren landscape sits in front of me cracked mud the only discernable thing on the ground, a sickly green glow seems to permeate the air around me; it doesnât have a source itâs like the air itself is glowing. Above me the sky is filled with colors that seem to pulse with the rhythm of a funeral drum. A hear a voice, I quickly scan all around me but thereâs nothing there. I feel my heart beat in my chest I know I heard something but from what from where? The voice I hear it again it sounds very gruff, itâs quickly followed by a scraping noise, a shimmer of light, a face, and finally a body. Itâs like nothing Iâve ever seen before, itâs human and yet itâs not. It skinnier than anyone should be and itâs skin pulses with the same green as the air around us. Its eyes are big and black, they look like a bugs. Out of nowhere it lashes out at me I turn at the last second I want to run but it hits me with something, might be a rock. The pain is coursing through my body, I know I need to get away but I canât. It hits me again this time Iâm done thereâs nothing I can do but wait, for whatever is in store for my life.
Iâm, struggling but no matter what I do I canât seem to break free. The creatureâs hands seem fragile, as if I could break with nothing more than my bare hands. Yet they possess a strength that would have been unfathomable to me, unless I experienced it. It was like it could snap my body in half, I was afraid. We finally get wherever were going it appears to be a cave, no it must have been made by these things itâs to perfect to be a cave. It throws me in and speaks again in its tongue. Itâs a hissing noise; Iâve never heard anything like it before.
Iâve been in this cave for who knows how long itâs impossible to keep time in his world, there is no sun, If I could guess I would say Iâve been in here for three days, then again Iâve always been a poor judge of time. Soon I start seeing thins different colors swirling in the air, faces from people I no longer recognize. In my mind there begins a metamorphosis from a period of sanity, to insanity. I think Iâm in heaven, then suddenly Iâm in hell, Iâm happy then I want to kill myself. Then just as Iâm about to give in to whatever fate this life holds I hear a voice, in a language I recognize. âGood you alive, come with me.â
Better?
I'm screaming for help but no one seems to answer, I'm alone in this wasteland, this hell. A barren landscape sits in front of me cracked mud the only discernable thing on the ground, a sickly green glow seems to permeate the air around me; I'm alone in this wasteland, this hell. A barren landscape sits in front of me cracked mud the only discernable thing on the ground, a sickly green glow seems to permeate the air around me; it doesn't have a source it's like the air itself is glowing. Above me the sky is filled with colors that seem to pulse with the rhythm of a funeral drum. A hear a voice, I quickly scan all around me but there's nothing there. I feel my heart beat in my chest I know I heard something but from what from where? The voice I hear it again it sounds very gruff, it's quickly followed by a scraping noise, a shimmer of light, a face, and finally a body. It's like nothing I've ever seen before, it's human and yet it's not. It skinnier that anyone should be and its skin pulses with the same green as the air around us. Its eyes are big and black, they look like a bugs. Out of nowhere it lashes out at me I turn at the last second I want to run but it hits me with something, might be a rock. The pain is coursing through my body, I know I need to get away but I cannot. It hits me again this time I'm done theres nothing I can do but wait, for whatever is in store for my life.
I'm, struggling but no matter what I do I cannot seem to break free. The creature's hands seem fragile, as if I could break with nothing more than my bare hands. Yet they possess a strength that would have been unfathomable to me, unless I experienced it. It was like it could snap my body in half, I was afraid. We finally get wherever were going it appears to be a cave, no it must have been made by these things it's to perfect to be a cave. It throws me in and speaks again in its tongue. It's a hissing noise; I've never heard anything like it before.
I've been in this cave for who knows how long it's impossible to keep time in his world, there is no sun, If I could guess I would say I've been in here for three days, then again I've always been a poor judge of time. Soon I start seeing thins different colors swirling in the air, faces from people I no longer recognize. In my mind there begins a metamorphosis from a period of sanity, to insanity. I think I'm in heaven, then suddenly I'm in hell, I'm happy then I want to kill myself. Then just as I'm about to give in to this darkness I hear a voice, in a language I recognize."Good you alive, come with me."
There sorry about that.
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