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Chuck Noris or Mista T?

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Posted Jan 11, '08 at 10:02pm



44 posts

i just cant deside...

Mista T's sweat repels sharks
...but chuck's tears can cure cancer(its too bad he never crys)

chucks round house kick can K.O. Neo from the Matrex
...but Mista T once bench pressed an entire van with a team on it

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
...but Mista T can sneeze with his eyes open

Mista T can kill two stones with one bird
...but There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer, Chuck Norris is always in control

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue
...but before there was Mista. T there was no reason to pity the fool

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
...but the cuban missile crisis was ended when a statue of Mista. T with his arms folded was erected on the south coast of Florida

Chuck Norris can divide by zero AND when an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side
...but there's no such thing as cancer. It's a government conspiracy to cover up the victims of Mista. T's pity.


Posted Jan 11, '08 at 10:15pm



10 posts

I would stomp a mud hole in Chuck Norris lol.


Posted Jan 11, '08 at 10:38pm



44 posts

o no you didnt...
look...There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.


Posted Jan 11, '08 at 11:11pm



44 posts

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

Chuck Norris and Mista.T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.


Posted Jan 11, '08 at 11:29pm



338 posts

can you say too much time on your hands? lol jk


Posted Jan 11, '08 at 11:32pm



233 posts

wow that must have took a long time to write. Go mr.T. I pity the fool!


Posted Jan 12, '08 at 7:11pm



44 posts

lol only thr first few were mine.
the rest i got from the Mista. T and chuck noris websites.


Posted Jan 13, '08 at 4:33am



7,221 posts


Sorry, but you can't beat Chuck Norris. You just can't.


Posted Jan 13, '08 at 8:17am



11 posts

Chuck norris once shot down a german fighter by pointing his finger and it and saying bang

when chuck norris doesnt pushups he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the world down

Jesus can walk on water, chuck norris can walk on jesus

Chuck norris doesnt get frostbite, he bites frost

When God said "Let there be light" Chuck Norris said "Say Please."

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


Posted Jan 13, '08 at 5:50pm



70 posts

Chuck Norris...Easily.

I buy posters about Chuck Norris.

Yeahh...he's amazing.