ForumsArt, Music, and WritingA Poem I wrote : A Metaphore for Anger

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kuraikane
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kuraikane
201 posts
Nomad

Ok, so I wrote this for english class for a 50 pg. report last semester. (A collection of anylisis of media, poems, and books). I just thought I'd find out if other people liked it or not...

A Metaphor for Anger

As the red sun begins to rise
The blue moon is shut out
Only to return
When everything that is
In the sun raysâ path
Is burned
Beyond repair

  • 5 Replies
firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,593 posts
Blacksmith

Not bad, but it's too short.

kuraikane
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kuraikane
201 posts
Nomad

Thank you. =]

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,593 posts
Blacksmith

As the red sun begins to rise,
the blue moon is shut out.
Only to return
when everything that was
in the sun's path
is burned
beyond repair.

Does that look better?

kuraikane
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kuraikane
201 posts
Nomad

Yeah, I guess copying and pasting from Word didn't work so well, huh? LOL

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
20,593 posts
Blacksmith

And the capitalization needed work :P

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