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Nicho's Writing Thread [Archives on Pg 47]

Posted Oct 31, '11 at 12:32pm

jeol

jeol

3,964 posts

Read the first poem it seems you posted, since the rest were stories... I'm not very good with stories.

A Werewolf and the Moon

Wow, amazing poem! Almost made me cry... Great rhyming, except the first two lines of the last stanza didn't rhyme. Was that on purpose?

 

Posted Oct 31, '11 at 1:15pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,889 posts

Mikhail wondered which producer dared to sell such wine


The first was pretty good I thought, though my familiarity with alcohol doesn't extend passed selling 'vodka' to the potheads at my school as I've already told you. The only fault I can see is that after Mikail drinks the bubbly, he calls it wine. Isn't their a distinct difference between Champaign and Wine? Its just minor though, so what ever.

The second one was really good, and more importnatly, accurate. I really like how you compared certain items to other elements of the Empire, comparing silk to the Rubicon, for example. A nice touch there.

'The Forgotten Name' is pretty good. The rhyme scheme overall is good, though I have to pronounce 'tip' with a soft E sound, rather than a strong I to make it work. Dialect though, so I won't complain. I also cant tell if the odd meter is intentional, or not. Overall a good poem though.

Again, a simple but effective rhyme scheme in 'Hopeless Romantic'. You draw great imagery with this peice, probably some of your best that I've seen. Stuff that ussualy takes me a few lines to develope you can accomplish with a few words, so I'm taking notes. Good job bro.
 

Posted Nov 1, '11 at 4:55am

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,622 posts

Knight

Thank you Mav That was highly flattering. ><

 

Posted Nov 9, '11 at 3:11am

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,622 posts

Knight

And so...where it began, so it shall end.

Billowing red sand,
Traced a body on the road,
Still warm to the touch.

 

Posted Nov 22, '11 at 9:43am

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,622 posts

Knight

Paradise Lost?

I remember your harsh barbed words,
That ripped through my starry fantasy,
As my rash love tinted and blurred,
My vision of earthbound reality.

When you casually tossed me away,
Leaving me marooned on my isle of despair,
Wistfully building dreams for another day,
Desperate oath to love I did swear.

I bitterly resented my Paradise lost,
Your chilly silence left an eternal frost,
All my begging and pleas I did exhaust,
Only then did I accept my dying cause.

The banquet of fives senses you conjured,
Vanished in a twinkling of my now open eyes,
As your smile twisted and honey voice demurred,
A vapid succumbus without your disguise.

My shattered illusions of blissful felicity,
Squeezed my still regretful mind,
Disgusted with my thoughts of toxicity,
Yet I'm done with lies and your kind.

Sweet words right from Belial's script,
A vengeful fox worthy of Beezlebub,
One more cruel then bloody Moloch primed,
Outstripping Satan in his realm of wrath.
Tell me now dear, how much have I really lost?

 

Posted Nov 23, '11 at 8:26pm

jezz

jezz

3,394 posts

Oh my dear, yet more poems of woe..~

 

Posted Nov 23, '11 at 8:50pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,622 posts

Knight

Yes Jezz, since when did you come back!

 

Posted Nov 23, '11 at 8:56pm

jezz

jezz

3,394 posts

Since now I guess.

And since when did you call me Jezz? *stern face*

 

Posted Nov 23, '11 at 9:06pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,622 posts

Knight

*Twiddles thumbs*

Back for good? And sorry >< Not thinking well in the morning. Morning, Jess. Night for you.

 

Posted Nov 23, '11 at 9:09pm

jezz

jezz

3,394 posts

Eh, we'll see. If I'm back for good, it's only to post a poem or two

 
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