Forums → The Tavern → Jokes
I guess the name sums it all up!!!Put your long and complex or short and simple jokes here!!!If it's in the wrong place move it,If it's all ready been done lock it,O.K I'll start!!!
This is mine...
Q.How Do You Make Lady Gaga Cry?
- 110 Replies
At pizza express you can buy some garlic bread with tomato and cheese on the top. Noq correct me if I'm wrong... thats a pizza.
this is all good!
I'm thinking if any of us were really all that funny we would have a better place to post our jokes **ahem** That being said, heres my joke:
Q: Where do you find 60 Million French jokes?
A: In France of course!!!
Quote: "I would rather have a German Division in front of me than a French one behind me" --Attributed to Patton
Q: What do u get when u cross a bull dog w/ a shitzu?
A: Bull s**t
@grilledonions4U...HaHa LoL wOw
@Pixie214...I don't get it...
This is turning out to be a good theard!!!
But try and keep yo mama and chuck norris jokes out of it please if you can..They are loads of theards for dem...
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
What do you call a Russian cow with a moustache?
Why did the dough-nut maker retire?He was fed up with the hole business!
What illness did everone on Star Trek catch?chicken-Sporks!
Why do idoits eat bisuits?cos there crackers!
What's a skelitons fav isuramt?A trum-bone!
What do vampires play poker for?High stakes!
Why did the biycylce fall over?It was two-tyred!
Why did the idiot oil the mouse?cos they squeaked!
Where do vampires go on holiday?The Isle of Fright!
What king of food do teachers eat?Square meals!
Man at the drug store:"I need some rat poison."
Guy: Sorry. We sold out. Have you tried Boot?
Man at the drug store: "I want to poison them to death, not kick them."
If band-aids are sterile, why are there so many of them on earth?
Kipdon, that was actually really funneh.
I found this one on a really cool website, it's also on my profile. I hope you like it.
"There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.
St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"
? I guess it was sorta funny, even if it didn't make that much sense.
I don't get it.
In Heaven, the streets are made of gold...
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