ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe Way of Moderation has ended (page 566)

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Cenere
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Cenere
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Jester

http://i428.photobucket.com/albums/qq1/Cerene_Cerine/hinthintnudgewinknudge.jpg

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the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I finally sent mine in. I actually finished yesterday, but forgot to send it... :S

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

It has been sent! Rejoice, thine brothers!

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

It has been posted! Continue rejoicing, thine brothers! Continueeth unabated by my posting of thine story!

Chill awoke in what could be properly and with no reservations called a stupor. He got up out of bed, and already he could feel as though he was needing to carry himself differently. At first he thought he had put on weight, put when he froze up a quick mirror, he realized it was deeper than that.

She needed room to let the steam run off. He looked around the area, checking to make sure everything was in order, then he realized she was missing something. something . . . important. Slipping on anothe sweatshirt, Chill ran out into the armor stores to procure some proper female stuff.

"Okay, all I'm getting are girl shirts, girl pants, and- OMIGOSH OMIGOSH LOOK AT THSE SHOES" she ran over to the window, her eyes almost busting down the window with their covetous stare. He didn't know why. But she couldn't peel her eyes away. She had been rabidly fixated on a pair of shoes on display in a window that were multiple sizes too small for him.


Shaking her head, he continued onward. First stopping into a gneral store, she bought two pink pens and a pad of stationery the size of a shopping list - perfect! Now she could list all the stuff he wanted to buy.

Soon after, she found himself running back to the store to buy three more pads of paper, another pen (her first had already run out of ink) and a team of native bearers to carry all his stuff. Exiting the store, she led them out to the armor forest (she had also hired some armed guards, because she didn't trust the bearers with a girl alone in a forest) and took an inventory. In about four hours, Gail had bought:

47758 assorted pieces or sets of jewelry
1864311 pairs of shoes
239,000 gallons of ice cream
3650 scarves, one for each day in the year for the next millenium
76,000,000 posters of Edward Cullen
13,400 armed guards, complete with automatic rifles and hand grenades
974,000,000,000 native bearers to carry all the crap she bought

Looking around, she smiled and winked. "Everything's heee-eere," she chimed, closing her eyes and tilting her head in a stereotypical gesture of brattish contentment. So she led the fleet to her house, and dropped off the first round of stuff in a large underground warehouse she had had built earlier. Loading trucks were coming and going, and her very own combination of a wind farm and a photovoltaic field was providing power.

"Green is postmodern AND in!" is what she provided as her reason to the contractors.

A man wearing a hard hat (he was presumably in the shoe or the jewelry department, where small objects were prone to fall) and greeted him.

"Ma'am," he said, "There's a bit of a problem. WE're out of storage space, and there're still loading trucks coming in. What're your orders?"

Gail froze, visibly terrified. She started to tear up, before her eyes completely dried up and she began to get very angry.

"You know what? I think Zoph dropped the F-bomb a bit too early."

The man was perplexed.

"Why do I think this? Because even after that thing swept the entire god-d*** kingdom and totally flipped the chick-to-d**k ratio, there are still stupid, idiotic MEN coming in to this place every day who CAN'T. SOLVE. CRAP. ON THEIR. OWN! She began to perspire napalm (the gender change had also flipped the temperature change she controlled, so she was now sweating napalm instead of liquid nitrogen when angry) and the man was crying and trembling in terror.

"M-m-m-m-ma'a-a-a-a-a-m-m-m-m-m . . . s-s-s-sorryy . . . ." he whimpered.

Instantly Gail saw what he had said, and she began to weep. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! IT's just that-that-that people always assume that because I'm a girl in the internet, I spend all my time looking up porn and pictures of puppies over the web! It's painful, yaknow?" Her tears began to steam off her face, vaporizing a nearby fly.

"Ma'am, what do you want me to do with the extra shipments?" The man asked, vexed.

"Hold 'em up, and send in some more helicopters to build another warehouse to put the new stuff in. I'm so sorry," she said, hugging the man and running away back to her house to get more money.

She was about to turn into the mall hwen she saw a man pitching something. Her interest piqued, she strolled over to see what he was talking about.

"Come one, come all, to Hectichermit's alchemy staaaaaaand! Special treatments today for the effects of the recent f-bomb! Mysterious potions that will correct all your genderial mutations in one sip! Sa-tep right up and try some for yourself, risk-free or your money and your life back!" The man smiled, and a quick sparkle illuminated his teeth as if the entire world was an infomercial and he was the pitchman.

Of course, Gail was transfixed, and pushed through the crowd to speak with him.

"Hello young lady, I do believe there's a line but you have a lot of money with you so I am kindly disregarding that! What are you searching for, today? Cure for the f-bomb, or maybe-"

"Yes, that's exactly it!"

"Then try this!"

"What's in it?"

"Triboron oxide, unonoctide, Nitrogen Strontide, aspartame, saccharine, guarana, mangosteen, liquefied moon rock, a dash of cinnamon, senna, some space-grade polymers, xanthan gum, soy lecithin, tree rosin, shea butter, naga jolokia, eup-

"DID YOU SAY SHEA BUTTER???????!?!?!?/!1?1/1//1///1/!//1!/1//1??!?!?!?!?!?!?!/1/!!/1/!/!/1//!?" Gail yelled.

"Yes, I! doooooo believe I diiid . . . .

"How is this stuff ingested?"

"It's drank straight."

"What does it taste like?"

"Like the sap and leaf of a spurge with some citrusy sweetness and a hint of unstable radioactivity to it. Did I mention that it's the leading example of how a dangerous neurotoxin can be extremely beneficial?"

"It sounds professional. I'll buy a bottle."

"That'll be . . . how much money do you have there?"

"Four dollars," Gail lied.

"Four dollars it is then!"

Gail took four dollars into her hand and gave it to the man. She had the rest of her money hidden, and for good reason.

She took the bottle in hand, closed her eyes, got some water, swallowed an extremely powerful sedative (the last ingredient of the drink was euphorbia sap, which contains a neurotoxin that causes a capsaicin-like heat sensation that scores a 16 billion on the Scoville heat unit scale. To put this in perspective, habanero peppers score a 350,000 on average.) and then chugged the entire thing.

The burn got through the sedative. She could feel the sap inside of her, burning up her stomach. She rushed to the restroom, where she remained for over 48 hours. Luckily, the guarana present in the drink kept her awake. And the mangosteen and rthe radioactive chemicals (strontium-90, ununoctium, etc.) kept her breath fresh.

Gail lost her memory for a few days, and woke up with a note taped to her forehead. It read "all 377 warehouses full. All of the legal and for-use underground property has been used up. You now own over 804 trillion retail items, and owe 3 quadrillion dollars to the industries of armorgames, which are now all filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy due to lack of inventory. Included in the stock of warehouse 274 are 460,000 money printing machines, of which it is advised you put to use.

After reading the note, she immediately got 5 dollars, went down to the bookstore, bought the entire writing catalogue of Norah Jones, and went home and began reading. All she knew after the potion debacle was that she was most certainly not cured of her femality, and just how dangerous a female version of her would be. Ending this on an emoish note, she spent the next three hours writing poetry, crying and drawing frowny faces on her forehead with the last remaining ounce of naturally occurring astatine.

kingryan
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kingryan
4,196 posts
Farmer

Funny Strop...I don't want to know where Strip kept the Modphone in her ninja suit, especially with its vibrate function...

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Well Ryan, where else could she keep it but . . . around her neck?

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

OH EM GEE Forgot to post.

I kneeled on the ground and moped.
"My wig... Noooooo....â It had been utterly decimated by that last explosion. "Now they'll all call me... uh...â I thought about it for a second. "Baaaaaaald...â I coughed.
In the past few days, Klaus had been exiled from the kingdom on account of weed rage. He also managed to beat up and throw quite a few of the contestants. Either way, Klaus wouldn't be in the tournament any more.
Well, most likely...
Cenere handed Strop some papers, right before a certain Zophia tapped his shoulder.
"Hm?â
"Hi! :3â I never will know how she can say the kitty smiley face out loud. Just another reason to love this place, no one understands anything (I.E. Wheel of Moderation).
"Zophia, what in the name of McNeely are you- I mean, can I help you?â
"Trick-" She paused... "or treat?â
"What are you talking ab- UH!!â
She dropped some kind of purple sphere... a ticking, purple sphere... Hoo boy.
"EVERYBODY GET D-"
The bomb went off with a- well, a bang! It seemed like all this contest consisted of was explosions. Seriously.
Anyway, it didn't hurt, per se. Actually, all that happened was a cloud of purple smoke enveloped us. Purple and pink. Lots of different shades of purple and pink, lavender, baby skin, cherub, fuchsia, and other colors... none of which I had noticed or even known the name of beforehand.
In fact... there were quite a few things I didn't know before! How to look stylish and comfortable, which boy bands rock out loud, Robert Pattinson's blood type, my cup size, 36C...
Er.
Yipe. I felt my chest.
"Jesus Christ... Zophia gave us boobs!â The moment was bittersweet. I realized how high my voice seemed only then.
"Ah, hang on. Am I a full blown woman? Damn, I just wanted breasts...â I am a strange boy. Er, well, you know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two things came to my attention at that moment. A) I had my hair back! B) I was topless!
I won't lie, the breeze was nice. Buuuuut can't go running around Armor Land exposed. I think I might just have gotten banned. I pulled two shells out of my purse (OMG, where did I get a purse[and when did I pick up saying OMG out loud?]?) and a rubber band. "This might work for now...â
"Is everyone alright?â Strop quite obviously got hit as well. "Well, I've talked with Zophia. She doesn't have an antidote,â He- She said, audibly grinding her teeth.
":3â
"But, since we'll be like this for awhile, we want you to think up feminine names for yourself. You may call me Strip!â Urgh, how modest.
Well, who was I to talk, wearing a pair of shorts and a shell bikini top... although, I looked pretty stylish!
I tried to think up my own woman name. I was torn between Mantina and Womanta. Mantina was adorable, but Womanta just made me giggle! In the end, it was decided to alternate between the two, as trip preferred Womanta and Cenny Cen... well; he just plain refused to refer to me as Womanta.
Some of my favorite names were Frances the Biker Girl, the Cowwoman, and Gametestro.
Frances even got a Harley. I was, like, so jealous...

"Well, no use in moping about this. Might as well make the best of a bad situation...â I thought. "You know what'd be sooo fun? Walking around town.â I went to the Atrium. I felt cold, confused stares and heard whispers.
"Hey, that's a girl!â "What is a girl doing here?â "What's a girl?â "What are those things on its chest?â
Oh. My God. They were talking about me. Boys are, like, so weird. It's like they didn't know what a girl was!
I think I picked up an accent...
"Hey, a gym!â I walked in. Typical gym equipment. A weight lifting station, some punching bags, an elliptical, a bunch of shady guys in the corner picking on a newbie.
I approached the bags and gave it a twist-kick and a bow-punch. I retained my skills! Hooray! I just kept beating and beating and beating it, but one of my claws ripped it just a little and got caught.
"I broke a naaaaaaiil!â I smacked the bag, it deserved it! But the chain, like, snapped! It caught those guys' attention. They weren't even that cute. Plus, I still had a male's sexual orientation for whatever reason.
Their pack leader came up to me. "Hey gorgeous, you're pretty strong. How âbout you and I go out sometime?â
"No way. I saw you picking on that poor little guy, you're just a big jerk.â
"Hey, hey, hey, don't be like that.â
"No!â
He reached for me. I punched him in the gut and threw him over my shoulder. He got up and tried to grab me again, and as he charged at me and grabbed my chest (*shudder*), I used my mace of aggression technique, grabbing his arms, elbowing his gut and face and throwing him into the wall. His friends stared in shock.
"Guys, help me up.â I saw them step towards their âboss,' but gave them a glare and they ran off.
"I'm, like, so done here.â Like I needed this place anymore. I kicked that guy on my way out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mantina!â
"Huh? Whozzat?!â A strange, filthy man approached me. Holding some vials of... stuff...
"Mantina! Womanta! Strip! Cenere! Potion!â He panted. A lot.
"Oh em gee, slow down! What are you trying to say, hm?â
"Strip and Cenere told me to find the contestants and give them some potions...â He leaned forward and grabbed his knees. "Here!â He handed me a vial of green potion.
"Uh, thank you. What's your name?â I smiled and held the vial with both hands at my torso.
"Hectic! Hectic the Hermit! Okay, um, I gotta find another contestant now. Bye.â He ran off as fast as he could, which wasn't, like, very fast.
"well, bottoms up... looks yummy!â I sipped it. Tasted like green apple. I like green apple. My eyes gleamed and I swallowed the thing whole.
Nothing changed. I still felt... woman-ish. I scoffed. "No way! This is SOO not happening! Oh well. I like green apple.â
But then I felt all... tingly around my chest. "Ohhhohhh... what's happening?â I thought maybe my breasts were disappearing. Maybe the potion worked!
And that hope fizzled. They just got bigger. Though I wasn't complaining. "Hmm... I'm not sure if want to get cured,â I thought. Well, I had a feeling I wouldn't be getting it for awhile as it were. I strolled off to the shopping district with a bounce in each step and a breast in each hand.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Spencetta, be cool and use notepad.

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Ah, I did it in Word, then replaced the Wordish symbols with Notepadish Glyphs. Forgot to replace the second quote marks though. @_@

But yeah, the weird symbols are quotation marks. Dun forget it.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Remember, Word/Writer is/are a(del.) douche(s) to Ag.

Pois0nArrow
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Pois0nArrow
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Nomad

with a bounce in each step and a breast in each hand.


Wow. Fondling yourself in public. Show some respect, woman. And how do you even stand up straight?
Pois0nArrow
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Pois0nArrow
21 posts
Nomad

That just sinks to a new low in teenage immaturity.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

No poison, it is you that does. He could be talking about the chest of a man or a tender cut of white chicken meat, no?

Pois0nArrow
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Pois0nArrow
21 posts
Nomad

Weeeeeell, depending on whether or not you've seen any other of his posts about, then yes, you could be absolutely correct in saying that.

Moabarmorgamer
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Moabarmorgamer
8,570 posts
Nomad

Ignore the trolly.
Bad Poison. I assume he simply was mistaken, believing that this was a butcher shop, and was requesting that his Thanksgiving turkey have only the white meat. It's very simple for those with a clean mind.
Now...am I cameoing here?
*rubs eyes*
I'm boooooreeeed...

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Wow. Fondling yourself in public. Show some respect, woman. And how do you even stand up straight?


I do all I can to make my writings and other sentiments as strange or downright obscene as I can.

And trade secret.

those with a clean mind.


I.E. not me.
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