Posted Mar 10, '10 at 12:46pm
Who am I kidding? I'm way to lazy to ever edit this. Posting time!
Round 6: Allusions of Grandeur
Leon was surprised and annoyed. How could Leon McAcid rap? After all, he thought, he wasn't the rapper type: He was always out stealing gold, wearing bling or shooting people while the rappers wrote songs about skipping through flowers, tender lovemaking or giving to the needy. He thought for a moment. Perhaps... a rap about the thug life? Maybe unconventional, but it was worth a shot. Leon stood up, straightening his hood. He pulled out his bag of jewelry, selecting a few of his tackiest rings and a large, golden chain complete with a heart-shaped locket. On impulse, he opened it. He absentmindedly put away his jewelry bag as he read the inscription inside. He chuckled. Just a few sweet nothings in elvish. No real rapper would have it any other way, but Leon never liked jewelry with inscriptions. He shrugged. He wondered briefly if should have searched for a mirror before deciding that he would look cooler with his hood up and that elves had terrible taste in jewelry anyway. He waited for his turn on stage, making sure he snarled and bared his teeth at anyone nearby. Finally, he was called on:
"We were in a village, Edward and me
Met a hot elf, made a threat on her life
Long story short, the inn burned down,
Leon blinked rapidly. Knowed? His human was rusty. Not knowing what to say, Leon used the time that would have been spent on the next verse sort of bobbing his head and flashing jewelry to the music. Occasionally, he would mumble "Uh-huh" or "yeah" at key points. It seemed to work out. With some reluctance, he picked up his rap:
"If you remember, we had a mission
Leon winced. Cave was such an easy word to rhyme, too. Maybe he just wasn't cut out for rap.
"A big-*** hydra got in our way
Instead of rapping, Leon simply spoke the next part of the story (or, as it's know in rap circles, performed a "talky bit"): "Yeah, we skinned its corpse and left its skeletal heads on pikes as a warning to others." Leon said. "Then we used the skin to make super-cute hydra skin hand bags. Uh-huh.
Now this sort of news might amaze
I'm tellin' you now, this bridge was the bomb
With that note, Leon threw his head back and cackled, causing his hood to fall off. He quickly pulled it back over his head. Unfortunately, his haste caused his right ear to be turned inside out. The annoyed Leon struggled to fix this. After fixing his ear, Leon began straightening his hood. Suddenly, he looked up. He removed his hands from his hood and slowly walked back to the mike. "So as I was saying:
I first heard of this event
Went to the place to sign on up,
Learned about the situation
Leon shrugged. Maybe he was exaggerating little bit, but it kind of made sense: If Leon had extraordinary knowledge in the rap, it logically followed that anyone who actually knew what it was had inside information. "So then I sent in my application-" Leon rapped. "Er, never mind. I'm not starting that again." Leon waited for a few more measures before continuing:
"Sent in a filled-out form
I was in the tavern a few rounds ago
Tried to fight past but he was too fast
Leon paused to take a breath. He was getting ahead of himself. His lines were becoming longer and longer. He decided that the best method of getting back on track was to employ a talky bit: "So then, one dude up and blows up a bakery or some crap. Might have been some sort of governmental building. I don't know. Anyway, we followed the clues and it led us right to the guilty party. Then, the dude tried to make his escape using the obstacle course built into the moat - I'm not making this crap up!
We chased this guy and didn't die
Leon stopped for a moment to pat his hyena.
"Then, I turn into a girl
Leon pulled out the piece of jewelry he had purchased while female and tossed it off stage. He wasn't sure how much he had paid for it, but it must have been overpriced.
"That's it for now, we're caught up to the present
Both Leon and his hyena laughed like gnolls and hyenas. As the music faded away, Leon trotted off stage merrily, mumbling something about silly elf songs.
OK, my punctuation should be fine. If there are weird symbols instead of quotation marks or something, you can kill me.
Posted Mar 10, '10 at 2:44pm
Firefly's the instigator, not the rhyme creator.
Of course, you are correct. He would, as they say in South London, 'murk the scene'. Actually scratch that, it's phrases like that which lead to the aformentioned embarassment.
I think I'll stop talking for a while.
Posted Mar 10, '10 at 5:27pm
A New Tone
Crimson had been challenged with what could only be called his worst fear...rap. He was not going to stand for supporting such a genre, so he had to look for another main stream genre that was at least better then rap. He looked through his archives finding only the Legend of Brutal, and or course such a genre is dead so he would not be able to pull something like that off, but there was still hope in a still alive genre that was almost just as good:
Second wave of American Tween Melodic Rap Metalcore...it'll have to do!
He brought to the stage magic self-playing guitars, drums, and scratch-table(or whatever its called) and decided to try to keep as close to the metal part as possible...
As he stopped singing fireworks shot up out of nowhere, and he used the distraction to escape the stage while the ADD infected audience was distracted. He decided to back in with the crowd so that he could watch the rest of the show.
Posted Mar 10, '10 at 9:50pm
This is it.
Chill stepped out into the area where the rap battle was taking place. It was a large, round room, with various stages set up everywhere. Chill had come prepared for the event - wearing nearly opaque golden glasses that he needed to look under to be able to see, plating his entire mouth in gold, buying a solid gold coffee cup to accompany him to the stage, and even blending some gold leaf into some water to maintain an aura of gold mist around him at all times. He also had a few gold bars cut into strips and fastened to one of his hoodies. His shoes were painted gold.
Stepping out onto the stage, he grabbed a microphone and introduced himself.
"Hey, I'm Chill, it's my pleasure to be performing for you guys today. I'll be detailing my achievements insofar for the Way of Moderation Trials!"
Chill cracked his knuckles, his spine, and his toes, and busted into the rap.
came in clad in the opposite of orange
from the other AG I autoextradited
tearin' up dodgeball like I was from the Triassic
I ain't the best in physical fitness
but when the steeplechase came around
and when I was crash-course ballistically emasculated
and now I'm here, broadcastin' my skills
He finished by throwing the microphone, which had become encased in ice, into the crowd. The air around him was so cold that his gold mist fell to the ground in a million shining beads, and the very air around him began to liquefy, only to evaporate again within less than a second. Stepping off the stage, he was so lightheaded that he had to freeze himself a walking stick, which he leaned on heavily. He was still smiling as he left the stage, only to fall down outside, scooting up against the wall, taking puffs from his asthma inhaler. An audience member, decked out in gang signs, walked out.
"Yo, what drug you doin' there? I haven't had a hit 'a' anything for a while, lemme knock some down."
"This is my asthma inhaler. You'd get higher from sniffing a rotting banana."
"D*mn man, when a guy wants a buzz . . . ."
Chill was visibly annoyed at this point, and so he froze the guy's mouth shut, forced himself to his feet, and walked off, back to Aristocrat Way.
If I could upload audio files, I'd totally share my phat gangsta beatboxing/faux-trumpet solo.
Posted Mar 12, '10 at 7:04pm
So far, I can count 6 entries posted. I see most of you also didn't make the edits I asked of you but by this stage, that's okay :P We're waiting on a couple more people to post (poisonarrow and goumas).
Also, I've sent out final calls to those who haven't. Of these, Parsat is the only one to have replied: he has withdrawn from the tournament (having accidentally inhaled a potentially fatal dose of chilli soup). Gametesta and Pixel, CHECK YOUR EMAIL!
I've finished three of my assignments, which means I only have three left. These being due on Monday, I expect we'll be finishing this round and moving to the next part shortly thereafter.
Posted Mar 12, '10 at 8:01pm
Well, here we go, Frank thought. This is most likely going to blow my chances to hell...
I gotta be honest this contest's been hell
I been shot down, horse punted, beaten with balls,
Pony boy here he got his tail in a twist
And through all this I been strong I hven't given up
"You may now throw." And so the crowd did. Frank ran once more back stage, grabbed his cutlass, and jumped into the crowd. He herded off ******* and a few others, and ran out the back door after them.
I may have put as little effort into this as I did my first entry. Woo, procrastination...
Back to the corner.
Posted Mar 12, '10 at 8:04pm
Idunno, lol. I was bored.
Posted Mar 12, '10 at 10:43pm
Gah@! I was going to suggest "Jiang Jun Ling" (played on a rubber band) as entrance music for him (at some stage) (maybe just in the Bullman's head). :P
Posted Mar 12, '10 at 11:38pm
The "played on a rubber band" automatically makes that suggestion epic. But right now he's in Armor Hospital on ventilatory support >_<
I will also note that despite the withdrawals, there are still more than 8 active participants! This means that some of you will be cut from the tournament itself (but not necessarily from the story) after this round and the next task.
Posted Mar 13, '10 at 12:40am
I think it'd be cool if Strop was the final boss.
And is Parsat really in intensive care? Because my common sense is off lately.
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