ForumsArt, Music, and WritingDudeguy's spare time.

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dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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Inspired by jezz.


You can't beat water. Not with fire. Land will only adsorb it, only to make devastating landslides. Ice only will make water tougher. The Kingdoms try and move it with their tin cans, only making a problem somewhere else. This is why, when i was on the brink of death, i chose water to empower me. Now, loneliness scares me more than death. Without Water, i would be another farmer, soon to be engulfed in floods. The castle can't protect themselves from my immense power, and what many brave knights don't understand, is that, I am immortal. Arrows go strait through me. Sword are useless. Even if they attack me while sleeping in my coastal hut, they can not kill me.

They do not understand why I am ruthless, why I constantly drown out the kingdom. It is because the King betrayed me. I had done him a job, working in his castle, and he treated me like a slave. Denied me ever working for him. So now I must kill him. So no one ever gets shunned like that again.

But I do not only plan my vengeance, with my powers comes forever caring for sea life. I am constantly asked to get a crab out of a fisherman's net or escort baby turtles into the waters.

But one day, i hear a rustling in the trees and out appear 5 heavily armored knights. Each with vibrant flags and horses, they yell "We have come under decree of King Andrew the IV, and are here to kill you." As they approach, I lift my hand up, and with it comes the whole sea behind me. "You prepared to come here with armor, you thought it would protect you, but with one million pounds of water on you, it will only kill you quicker. Back off now, I do not want to kill you. It is the king that i would like to release every shark and lobster on." They looked at each other, and one dressed in royal blue said "We accept you terms." And they whipped their horses and trotted away. I put the body of water down, and sat down. This happens every week or so, and I have become a master in the art of intimidation.

I am also well acquaintance with the sky, and receive messages of the kingdoms doings every so often. On day a dove comes to me and says "The kingdom's army is on its way here with 3 catapults and about 100 soldiers, heavily armed!" I thank the bird, a lay down. About 30 minutes later, I here something of a stampede of animals and see a giant projectile on fire land about 60 yard from me. As i saunter closer into the woods, I see giant catapults firing towards me and 100 knights galloping towards me. I douse the ground with thousands of gallons of water so it is much like shallow quicksand. I fall back, and watch all the steeds get knee-deep in mud. The knight get off their horses, but are stuck too. Now for the catapults. Much of the forest around me is in flames, and more fire balls are coming. I quickly get about 100 square feet of water and throw it toward the catapults. The sheer force breaks them like saplings. The knight have taken off their armor now and are retreating. As for the horses, I will tend to them now. I put out the forrest fire, and take out all the water from the drenched ground. I set them free, and lay down on the beach once again. There is steam everywhere. Like I said, you can't beat water.

  • 133 Replies
nichodemus
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nichodemus
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Well, so far so good. Just that there were a few lines that could have been drawn out better, slightly sloppy in some areas.

For example:

they yell "We have come under decree of King Andrew the IV, and are here to kill you."


Perhaps a better method:

Five heavily armoured knights burst out from the undergrowth, battle lances at the ready, their steads flaring, staring straight at me.

'So the King says, so you shall die.' The tallest of them echoed emotionlessly, lowering his visor. Without another word, they charged....

Well, that was just some quick advice on my behalf.

Also, it looks kind of cheesy if you mention things like 'They have 3 catapults and 100 soldiers!'

Rather, a better phrasing:

'Their numbers are numerous, we cannot hold for long. They bring death with their cruel war machines.'
Braketh
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Braketh
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I liked it, some spots were rough but other than that. Great Show.

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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I like your style Nich.

Also, for whoever cares, I am abandoning Hellbender. Bad to begin with, no storyline.

KingOfAthlum
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KingOfAthlum
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Very good, why don't you take the time to go ahead and rewrite Hellbender. I think it would be a good story.

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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Thanks, but I can't see where it is going. I give you permission to revive it.

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* *Athlum comes with shockers*
*beep*

Maverick4
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Maverick4
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Mav sends an assasin (since I cant get out of my house) with a sawed off shot gun (a short, gruesome time later)

Dudeguy: *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Assasin: Yes!

Mav: sooo.....hungry....and tired.....

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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Cattail Dust


[url=http://<img src="http://api.photoshop.com/home_07252c3daae341a8af3c49dd483afee3/adobe-px-assets/01e9076faa474f22a614d6a93da25747" width="1024" height="768"/>]

TexanProvo
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TexanProvo
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Your writings not bad, maybe you should write more on some of it, see what comes next. It appears you don't like staples.

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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maybe you should write more on some of it,

More of what?

Gregbyte
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Gregbyte
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The water story one: Well. It was good-like a narration of sorts. But then at the last paragraph or so it kind of lost its calmness in how I was reading it in my head. I suppose that can symbolise water in its wrath and its kindness, but I don't think you tried to do that. Good-you don't fall into the trap of using more simple and common words like I seem some people do (nice, nice, nice, nice,nice,nice, nice...) Interesting but finally lacks finish.

Btw people talking about improving his grammar, what's he meant to do? Buy a grammar exercise book? I hate that stuff-although it works.

the_manta
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the_manta
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This is dudeguy's link.

I'll check it out after I post it.

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
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How does that fit with the summer theme?

firetail_madness
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firetail_madness
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Oops, sorry for writing the past comment. I thought this was the summer armatars thread XD

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
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Here.


http://api.photoshop.com/home_07252c3daae341a8af3c49dd483afee3/adobe-px-assets/01e9076faa474f22a614d6a93da25747

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