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WarTank's Song Book

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 11:17am

TheWarTank33

TheWarTank33

784 posts

As a few of you may know, I've formed a band with the_manta.  I am a pianist, singer, and an aspiring songwriter.  I try write a song just about every month...but in reality the lyrics to my songs only take a couple of hours to write, so i could write more often.
I would like to share the songs i write with AG in hopes that i will be able to get advice, criticism, and new ideas.  I hope that your opinions will help me to expand my song writing talents.
Right now, I only have the lyrics to two songs completed.  I'll post one now, and post the other sometime later.

This first one was actually the first song i completed.  It was about a girl at school that i obviously liked...maybe a little too much. Anyway, here it is. 

Everything:

You're standing there,
So perfectly,
Your long brown hair,
You're all I see.

And Later On,
Out in the Breeze,
I see you smile,
And I just freeze.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
When I see you all the angels sing,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And to me you're everything.
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of your laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything.

When you speak to me,
The way you make me feel,
Everything you say,
It's just so unreal.

Your hazel eyes,
Like rising suns,
In sunny skies,
Yeah you're the one.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
Angels tell me that you're everything,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And it's you, you make me sing,
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
And it's you, you make me sing,

Cause you're simply everything to me,
Just the thought of you sets my soul free,
All these feeling for you,
How could I ignore you?

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I'd follow you wherever you may go,
The way that you daze me,
Oh you amaze me.

Cause you're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
You're everything.

Lemme know what you think!  Remember this was my first song! :)

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 11:33am

goumas13

goumas13

4,487 posts

I like this part:
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull
If it's your first song I think is quite good.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 11:36am

nichodemus

nichodemus

12,164 posts

Knight

Possibly, you can use meter to give rhymn and beat to the poem. Sorry XD Poet here~

So far, that was one nice song.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 11:54am

TheWarTank33

TheWarTank33

784 posts

Possibly, you can use meter to give rhymn and beat to the poem. Sorry XD Poet here~

um what?...sorry i never actually paid much attention in language arts class... i forgot what meter is.
I do have the song vocals, along with the piano part on a program called finale...but i have absolutly no idea how to get that on here. 
I don't have a video camera plus my keyboard is broken, so youtube isnt an option.  I think that for now the world will have to settle for only the lyrics.

I'll put the lyrics to my second song on here in an hour or so.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 11:56am

sonam

sonam

693 posts

maybe you can sing the song and put in up in youtube so we know how to sing it. after we all sing it, you will be famous and then you might become a famous singer someday. like that justing beiber. lucky him

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 1:07pm

firetail_madness

firetail_madness

19,843 posts

So simple of a title, yet it so perfectly fits ~

I admire your ability in rhyming ~

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 1:18pm

TheWarTank33

TheWarTank33

784 posts

Look's like i'm off to an ok start.  Remember, comments, tips, and advice are much appreciated!

This next song is one that i wrote yesterday, while I was thinking about all the things that had happened in the last month.  It's quite a bit different from the first.I'm slowly noticing that I have a hard time writing a song that doesn't remind of that girl... Oh well.  Here it is.

Fall For You:

I tried to stand strong,
I tried to forget,
But being without you,
Is my biggest regret.

I painted a picture,
Of just you and me,
A shallow reminder,
Of what never would be.

And on that first day,
I opened my heart,
But you turned away,
Now it's bleeding out.

Still I fall for you,
Even though I know you've gone away,
I'll crawl for you,
No matter how far you may stay,
I'll fall for you,
While I count the days til I see your face again...
I fall for you.

I flip through the pages,
Desperate for hope,
I'm waiting for someone,
To throw me a rope.

Cause I've fallen hard,
I wished you would stay,
Too much left unsaid,
Like I think about you everyday.
Everyday...

How can I put it any other way?
What could I say?
What could I do to get just one more day?

Cause I don't know,
How to show,
How I feel to you,
Make it real to you.
How do I show that I still

Fall for you,
Even though I know you've gone away,
I'll crawl for you,
No matter how far you may stay,
I'll fall for you,
While I count the days til I see your face again...
I fall for you.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 1:21pm

firetail_madness

firetail_madness

19,843 posts

Question.
Do you actually write musical notes for these songs and play them?
You mentioned you were in a band in the OP.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 1:27pm

skater_kid_who_pwns

skater_kid_who_pwns

4,313 posts

my only advice, is don't force rymes.

It seems to me your trying a bit to much to make it ryme, and it's interrupting the flow. Not every thing has to ryme.

*Stamps smiley face on your forhead*

But, your still doing really well.

 

Posted Jul 13, '09 at 1:47pm

TheWarTank33

TheWarTank33

784 posts

Do you actually write musical notes for these songs and play them?
You mentioned you were in a band in the OP.

Yes, The lyrics are written by me and(though I don't know how i can post it) i have piano sheet music written out for the first song...like I mentioned earlier i just wrote the lyrics to the second song yesterday, so i havn't had the chance to write music for that one, but i plan on writing a full band part.

my only advice, is don't force rymes.
It seems to me your trying a bit to much to make it ryme, and it's interrupting the flow. Not every thing has to ryme.

I agree.  i did that a lot in the first one.  In the second I tried to loosen up a little bit...Fall For You was kinda influenced by the music I had playing in my room at the time.  Most notably With Me and Walking Disaster by Sum 41 and Konstantine by Something Corporate.

 
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