ForumsArt, Music, and WritingWarTank's Song Book

58 8701
TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

As a few of you may know, I've formed a band with the_manta. I am a pianist, singer, and an aspiring songwriter. I try write a song just about every month...but in reality the lyrics to my songs only take a couple of hours to write, so i could write more often.
I would like to share the songs i write with AG in hopes that i will be able to get advice, criticism, and new ideas. I hope that your opinions will help me to expand my song writing talents.
Right now, I only have the lyrics to two songs completed. I'll post one now, and post the other sometime later.

This first one was actually the first song i completed. It was about a girl at school that i obviously liked...maybe a little too much. Anyway, here it is.

Everything:

You're standing there,
So perfectly,
Your long brown hair,
You're all I see.

And Later On,
Out in the Breeze,
I see you smile,
And I just freeze.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
When I see you all the angels sing,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And to me you're everything.
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of your laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything.

When you speak to me,
The way you make me feel,
Everything you say,
It's just so unreal.

Your hazel eyes,
Like rising suns,
In sunny skies,
Yeah you're the one.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
Angels tell me that you're everything,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And it's you, you make me sing,
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
And it's you, you make me sing,

Cause you're simply everything to me,
Just the thought of you sets my soul free,
All these feeling for you,
How could I ignore you?

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I'd follow you wherever you may go,
The way that you daze me,
Oh you amaze me.

Cause you're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
You're everything.

Lemme know what you think! Remember this was my first song!

  • 58 Replies
goumas13
offline
goumas13
4,779 posts
24,075

I like this part:
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull
If it's your first song I think is quite good.

nichodemus
offline
nichodemus
14,328 posts
24,220

Possibly, you can use meter to give rhymn and beat to the poem. Sorry XD Poet here~

So far, that was one nice song.

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

Possibly, you can use meter to give rhymn and beat to the poem. Sorry XD Poet here~


um what?...sorry i never actually paid much attention in language arts class... i forgot what meter is.
I do have the song vocals, along with the piano part on a program called finale...but i have absolutly no idea how to get that on here.
I don't have a video camera plus my keyboard is broken, so youtube isnt an option. I think that for now the world will have to settle for only the lyrics.

I'll put the lyrics to my second song on here in an hour or so.
sonam
offline
sonam
857 posts
510

maybe you can sing the song and put in up in youtube so we know how to sing it. after we all sing it, you will be famous and then you might become a famous singer someday. like that justing beiber. lucky him

firetail_madness
offline
firetail_madness
20,901 posts
2,710

So simple of a title, yet it so perfectly fits ~

I admire your ability in rhyming ~

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

Look's like i'm off to an ok start. Remember, comments, tips, and advice are much appreciated!

This next song is one that i wrote yesterday, while I was thinking about all the things that had happened in the last month. It's quite a bit different from the first.I'm slowly noticing that I have a hard time writing a song that doesn't remind of that girl... Oh well. Here it is.

Fall For You:

I tried to stand strong,
I tried to forget,
But being without you,
Is my biggest regret.

I painted a picture,
Of just you and me,
A shallow reminder,
Of what never would be.

And on that first day,
I opened my heart,
But you turned away,
Now it's bleeding out.

Still I fall for you,
Even though I know you've gone away,
I'll crawl for you,
No matter how far you may stay,
I'll fall for you,
While I count the days til I see your face again...
I fall for you.

I flip through the pages,
Desperate for hope,
I'm waiting for someone,
To throw me a rope.

Cause I've fallen hard,
I wished you would stay,
Too much left unsaid,
Like I think about you everyday.
Everyday...

How can I put it any other way?
What could I say?
What could I do to get just one more day?

Cause I don't know,
How to show,
How I feel to you,
Make it real to you.
How do I show that I still

Fall for you,
Even though I know you've gone away,
I'll crawl for you,
No matter how far you may stay,
I'll fall for you,
While I count the days til I see your face again...
I fall for you.

firetail_madness
offline
firetail_madness
20,901 posts
2,710

Question.
Do you actually write musical notes for these songs and play them?
You mentioned you were in a band in the OP.

skater_kid_who_pwns
offline
skater_kid_who_pwns
4,409 posts
2,810

my only advice, is don't force rymes.

It seems to me your trying a bit to much to make it ryme, and it's interrupting the flow. Not every thing has to ryme.

*Stamps smiley face on your forhead*

But, your still doing really well.

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

Do you actually write musical notes for these songs and play them?
You mentioned you were in a band in the OP.


Yes, The lyrics are written by me and(though I don't know how i can post it) i have piano sheet music written out for the first song...like I mentioned earlier i just wrote the lyrics to the second song yesterday, so i havn't had the chance to write music for that one, but i plan on writing a full band part.

my only advice, is don't force rymes.
It seems to me your trying a bit to much to make it ryme, and it's interrupting the flow. Not every thing has to ryme.


I agree. i did that a lot in the first one. In the second I tried to loosen up a little bit...Fall For You was kinda influenced by the music I had playing in my room at the time. Most notably With Me and Walking Disaster by Sum 41 and Konstantine by Something Corporate.
the_manta
offline
the_manta
4,548 posts
750

Ah! Wartank, my friend, you've finally stumbled upon the Art, Music & Writing section!

Welcome. This is where I spend my time on AG, nowadays. I like to think of myself as a good writer, but only about 3 people keep up with my stories... Still, they're very devoted.

/Ontopic

WarTank, you know these are really good, right? Just, like Skater said, don't force lyrics, 'kay? You showed them to me before, but it's hard to read that many lyrics on my tiny cell phone screen and still criticize them...

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

well, thanks for the comments. they were both helpful, and encouraging. I'll have a lot of free time tomorrow so i plan on writing a song then. *crosses fingers that insperation will hit*

Danstanta
offline
Danstanta
1,715 posts
3,160

The next love hit!
Haha good work, you're way better than me

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

The next love hit!


haha, I'm not THAT good...well...not yet at least

Well, this next song is one that i am finishing up as i type. It started as a song, but now i think it could qualify as a book...yeah after instrumentals this'll be at least 7 minutes. It's also slower than my other two. Honestly, I can't believe I actually wrote this one...well here it is:

Lighthouse:

Alone in her room,
She stares into the night,
Looks out at the ocean,
The waves rolling by,
She thinks it's the end,
But I swear that this, won't end tonight...
No, not tonight.

She leaves through the window,
And falls to the ground,
She runs and she runs,
While the gleam of the lighthouse shines down...
Oh, so much brighter now.

And she doesn't know,
When we met at eleven,
I could just barely see,
She was brighter than heaven,yeah,
Brighter than heaven could ever be.

Her feet hit the sand,
She slows down to breathe,
She stares at the ocean,
And staring back at her is me, Oh,
By the sea.

And there we go,
Hand in hand,
Down the shore,
On the sand,
The lighthouse glow,
Is drawing near,
But it's never been so bright out here.

The ocean sing melodies,
The wind plays along,
Walking beside her,
It all seems so wrong,
No, is this so wrong?

Is it all happening,
Is it in my head,
She walks here beside me,
The lighthouse is ahead...
I'll never forget.

I glance at her,
And can't glance away,
There's something about her,
That I just can't say.

And there we go,
Hand in hand,
Down the shore,
On the sand,
The Lighthouse Glow,
Is drawing near,
But it's never been so bright out here.

We reach the lighthouse,
And climb to the peak,
Look up at the sky,
And down on the sea,
Then I look at her,
And she looks back at me,
Oh, so pretty.

Her eye's are like diamonds,
Her hair catches the moon,
Don't want this to end,
But a clock on the wall says it's gonna be over soon...
It's all too soon.

Then she turns away,
Says "I've gotta go back."
Reluctant we leave,
Thinking there's just too much left that we lack...
Wish I could turn this clock back.

Now we're back on the beach,
Watching waves as we passed,
I tried to say words,
To make this perfect night last.

But this last chance,
I just couldn't miss,
So I pulled her in close,
And i gave a kiss...

And there we stand,
On the shore,
Sun rising,
Night no more,
The Lighthouse glow,
Is fading now,
But it's never been so bright...
As it is right now.
TSL3_needed
offline
TSL3_needed
5,582 posts
0

Wow, that last one is long. I could see a nine minute song out of that one. . . . I especially like the first two verses. Kind of catchy. If I were you, I would put different types of solo's in your songs. Adds effect. Your other songs were pretty good too, but the last one was really good. You're a good songwriter.

TheWarTank33
offline
TheWarTank33
1,089 posts
315

I would put different types of solo's in your songs.


I most of the parts where you see "..." I plan a solo or duo of some sort at those parts.
Showing 1-15 of 58