ForumsArt, Music, and WritingWarTank's Song Book

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TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

As a few of you may know, I've formed a band with the_manta. I am a pianist, singer, and an aspiring songwriter. I try write a song just about every month...but in reality the lyrics to my songs only take a couple of hours to write, so i could write more often.
I would like to share the songs i write with AG in hopes that i will be able to get advice, criticism, and new ideas. I hope that your opinions will help me to expand my song writing talents.
Right now, I only have the lyrics to two songs completed. I'll post one now, and post the other sometime later.

This first one was actually the first song i completed. It was about a girl at school that i obviously liked...maybe a little too much. Anyway, here it is.

Everything:

You're standing there,
So perfectly,
Your long brown hair,
You're all I see.

And Later On,
Out in the Breeze,
I see you smile,
And I just freeze.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
When I see you all the angels sing,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And to me you're everything.
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of your laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything.

When you speak to me,
The way you make me feel,
Everything you say,
It's just so unreal.

Your hazel eyes,
Like rising suns,
In sunny skies,
Yeah you're the one.

Is it possible to be so beautiful,
Angels tell me that you're everything,
You're so cute and sweet and you're never dull,
And it's you, you make me sing,
Yeah.

You're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
And it's you, you make me sing,

Cause you're simply everything to me,
Just the thought of you sets my soul free,
All these feeling for you,
How could I ignore you?

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I'd follow you wherever you may go,
The way that you daze me,
Oh you amaze me.

Cause you're simply everything to me,
I wonder if you ever think of me,
When I hear you calling,
It feels like I'm falling,

Cause you're simply everything I know,
I wonder if I ever made it show,
The sound of you're laughter,
You're the one I'm after,
Cause you're everything,

You're everything,
Yeah you're everything,
You're everything,
You're everything.

Lemme know what you think! Remember this was my first song!

  • 58 Replies
TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

Arrive. . .where?


since the term "make it" is used to describe achieving a large goal of some sort like becoming a football player, I figured i could use "arrive" in place of it. It rolls off the tongue better, and it kinda rhymes with life.

THis line just sounds too short to me.


That is because you don't know the tune. trust me, it fits.

Shouldn't it be 'what they say?'


If you'll notice the line after that and connect the two:
"I don't care if they say if they approve or not."

Nice lyrics


thank you
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

since the term "make it" is used to describe achieving a large goal of some sort like becoming a football player, I figured i could use "arrive" in place of it. It rolls off the tongue better, and it kinda rhymes with life.


But it ends the stanza, so that thought is never completed. Remember that we're looking at this from different standpoints - only you understand the idea fully, since you wrote it, but the reader's view is different - and the reader's view matters more, since they'll be the ones primarily reading the song. And the line just seems to trail off, since it ends the stanza, and it feels like an incomplete thought when read. trust me, it does.

That is because you don't know the tune. trust me, it fits.


Okay then.

If you'll notice the line after that and connect the two:
"I don't care if they say if they approve or not."


Then you should remove the comma at the end of the line, so it flows together. With the comma there, you pause at the end of the line because of the comma when reading it - which makes it sound like the two lines aren't connected. For it to be read more like one thought, you should remove the comma at the end of the line. Punctuation makes worlds of difference.
fluffybunny422
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fluffybunny422
1,184 posts
Nomad

I think you seriously deserve that girl lol

TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

I think you seriously deserve that girl lol


Haha thanks...*sigh*
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

It was good. Long-ish.

I'm glad Alt never criticizes my stuff. :P

Kidding, Alt.

TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

Kidding, Alt.


you know what? I think you were serious :P
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

you know what? I think you were serious :P


I was simultaneously being totally serious and joking around.

Yeah.
TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

I was simultaneously being totally serious and joking around.


One way or another you still meant it :P
TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

New song day! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

This one, in the end, is a love song. And whether or not Alt approves, i'm rather proud of this one. ;D

Without You:

Have you ever had a thought of flying?
Have you ever just considered trying?
Cause I can see you falling faster now.

How can I begin to understand you?
In a world where there's nothing I can stand to?
And now I'm on my knees here asking how.

Nothing more left to say,
In the end we all fall,
Cause all we're afraid of
Is nothing at all.

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing without you.

Have you ever had a thought of dying?
Have you ever just considered trying?
Cause I see you're about to hit the ground.

How can I ever have a single hope?
When the world hits me hard and I can't cope?
It hits me hard with someone like you now.

Nothing more left to say,
In the end we all fall,
Cause all we're afraid of
Is nothing at all.

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing without you.

Cause all we're afraid of
Is nothing at all...

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing without you.

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I saw the title and thought "With or Without You," by U2. For whatever reason.

I feel like I should say more than "It was good," but I'm not a critic in the slightest.

TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

I saw the title and thought "With or Without You," by U2.


haha that's wierd.

I feel like I should say more than "It was good," but I'm not a critic in the slightest.


then just say it was good.
TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

I was looking over my last song, Without You, and I decided that it was one of my best song ideas...but poorly written...I've added and deleted a few small things and changed the tune(thought that won't be very noticable here). So here it is:

Without You:

Have you ever had a thought of flying?
Have you ever just considered trying?
Cause I can see you falling faster now.
Can I fall with you?

How can I begin to understand you?
In a world where there's nothing I can stand to?
And now I'm on my knees here asking how.
What can can I say?

When there's nothing left to say,
In the end we all just fall,
Cause all that we're afraid of
Is nothing at all.

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?
Above and beyond is where you stand.

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing without you.

Have you ever had a thought of dying?
Have you ever just considered trying?
Cause I see you're about to hit the ground.
Lemme be there, I can save you.

How can I ever have a single hope?
When the world hits me hard and I can't cope?
It hits me hard with someone like you now.
And lord, it's so lonely now.

When there's nothing left to say,
In the end we all just fall,
Cause all that we're afraid of
Is nothing at all.

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?
Above and beyond is where you stand.

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing without you.

Cause all that we're afraid of
Is nothing, it's nothing at all...

How can my heart say what words can't?
How can I believe what I don't understand?
What does it take just to meet your demands?
Above and beyond is where you stand.

When I may as well
Be afraid of myself,
Cause I am nothing,
I'm nothing without you.
I am nothing,
Nothing without you.

(end repeats, slowly fades out)

TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

Ok, it's been a while and it's been kinda difficult to write a song with school and an insane amount of Algebra 2 homework...but somehow I managed to write one yesterday!

This one is...different. At first you may think it's about that girl...and it is, but it's not a love song. I broadened it a lil to include several other people I know or knew. This one is interesting and I feel like it's one of the best/most important songs I've written...If you have any questions on the meaning feel free to ask.

Lightning:

2AM and it rains outside,
The room is cold and dark,
Darker than the moonlight tonight.

And I glance at the TV,
It's some old guy, he cracks bad jokes,
I turn away and look at what I wrote:

Come back today,
Call me your friend,
Look me in the eyes,
And say you'll never leave again.

Lost and alone,
This darkness is frightening,
When the only light I get,
Is a long gone flash of lightning.

I crumple up the page,
And my glass is filled,
It's been a long day,
Of running through this empty field.

And I tap my feet,
To that old familiar sound,
It's silence, It's haunting me,
It follows me around.

And the clock,
It just hit 3AM.
I concentrate on nothing,
I look down and write again:

Come back today,
Call me your best friend,
Remember when we used to laugh,
And say your time would never end.

But lost and alone,
This darkness is frightening,
When the only light I get,
Is a long gone flash of lightning.

It's just another for the blaze,
And now I'm flying...higher than the highways,

I stare into the distance,
And wonder if I'm trying,
The humming of the engine fades,
And nearby I see lightning.

And it's the faces,
Of all those people,
That I almost wish I'd never met,
Almost wish I'd never been with.

And i see our times,
I see life is so much more,
And now these tears aren't falling,
As far as they did before.

This room it's not so dark,
When I can hear this sound,
I write away and listen,
To the lightning all around.

Come back today,
Call me your friend,
I can't wait to see those eyes,
I will never leave you again.

Come back today,
Call me more than a friend,
We'll laugh all through the night,
And wish this never ends.

We're not alone,
And the dark isn't so frightening,
Cause the only light I need,
Is that long gone flash of lightning.

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I'm glad to see you took that "e" out of lightning.

xD

It's good. One of your best yet.

Pray tell, what is the true meaning behind the song?

TheWarTank33
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TheWarTank33
1,081 posts
Nomad

Pray tell, what is the true meaning behind the song?


um...anything specific?...no?...I guess I'll just summarize it a lil.

The song is basically about a dude with a lot of negative experiences as well as negative outlooks on life. He is a writer that writes about happy things, doesn't understand them, then throws them away. The source of his problems...loneliness. Everyone has known someone as a kid or even as an adult. you and that person were best friends...until the day you(or he/she) moved, never to see each other again...
Oh and btw, the lightning isn't actual lightning...

It's just another for the blaze,
And now I'm flying...higher than the highways,

I stare into the distance,
And wonder if I'm trying,
The humming of the engine fades,
And nearby I see lightning.

And it's the faces,
Of all those people,
That I almost wish I'd never met,
Almost wish I'd never been with.

And i see our times,
I see life is so much more,
And now these tears aren't falling,
As far as they did before.


this is the turning point in the song. When I wrote flying higher than the highway, I didn't mean he was on a plane, he was driving...on a highway. But his mind was deep in thought. I also took advantage of the fact that the road is called a highway.
He begins to think of his memories with those people(his memories and times with them are the lightning) he once knew and wishes for them to be back in his life.

And i see our times,
I see life is so much more,
And now these tears aren't falling,
As far as they did before.


He begins to look forward to life...and intends on making more memories with new people...

This room it's not so dark,
When I can hear this sound,
I write away and listen,
To the lightning all around.


...but still remembers all the old times.

Come back today,
Call me your friend,
I can't wait to see those eyes,
I will never leave you again.

Come back today,
Call me more than a friend,
We'll laugh all through the night,
And wish this never ends.

We're not alone,
And the dark isn't so frightening,
Cause the only light I need,
Is that long gone flash of lightning.


This basically intertwines the future, past, and present and how they are both important.
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