(Crush the castle story?) Trebuchet guys: Lady in the water
"It is Trebucket"
"Ney I say, it is Named a trebuchet, for that is what they call it in the scribed manual"
"Me Lord, I propose an origin of the word. It was called Trebucket, but the soldiers of the time did not enjoy going to yonder battle with a weapon that sounded like three buckets filled perhaps with spit and assorted animal genitalia, thus they chose to pronounce it in a french like manner, resulting into the Trebuchet. The original being dropped for its lack of battle cry ability"
"Young squible-"
"It is squire me lord"
"It is what ever I choose it to be!" The Lord Milligan was beginning to get angry now, the young squire he called squible was headstrong, stubborn and most annoying of all he was very intelligent. Unfortunately for the lord he was all he could afford at this time. You see, all the other royals had taken his land and possessions, left for dead at the bottom of a shit hole (literally). Now it was time for his revenge, his vengeance. You could almost here the cheesy grindhouse music of the 1970's, even though they were hundreds of years behind, within medieval times
"Now we have to set up this contraption as quickly as possible before the sun sets, so we can see the where we are catapulting our rocks"
"Lord Milligan, they are bound to illuminate the castle, at night they shan't be able to expose our location, for they will not see the rocks till they hit the lady Poldrid right on her fat head"
Milligan was a young man too, just witnessing his 30th winter (That means he is 30), Squble had seen 20, He was blinded for a whole winter one time when he was 6 due to an eye infection, so he is actually 21.
The lady Poldrid was one of the key players in throwing Lord Milligan into the shit hole. Although she was not present for it, she was one of the conspirators. As children Poldrid was in love with Milligan, the was a stalker. Staring at him during fencing training, having an artist make a portrait of his nether-regions as he swam in the lake, "the whole 9 yards"...oh crap WW2 hasn't happened yet...ahhh..."the whole walk to mount Golgotha" ???.
Never the less, her anger from his rejection made her so angry that if she couldn't have him then no one could. And so helped his fall into the shit hole. Milligan at times told those listening to him how he was a Lord and survived several days within a shit hole. He told them how he dealt with the intoxicating smell, He told them how he cut out his smell sensors within his nose, of course he called them "the flesh that smells". He was lying of course, to gain some pride from a very embarrassing situation. And now he was attempting revenge.
The two of them along with some help from their sole mule managed to set up the mini tribuchet. The sun had fallen and the first stars were beginning to twinkle. The moonlight reflect smoothly on the water ditch surrounding the castle. Milligan knew this castle well, he had hidden here as a teenager when the Lady tried to seduce him by running around naked. Her plan how ever failed due to the fact her face looked like a cross between a gorilla and a warthog (she even had elongated bottom canines to match)
"Me Lord, why do you not let it be? Is it not a miracle that you live to tell the tale? Why do you not live out the rest of your life with what you have and a little family and house out in the farmlands or black forest?"
"Squible, Have you ever been wronged?"
"Yes of course me lord"
"Then you will know the feeling, that flame within you that needs to be quenched only with the pain and suffering of those responsible, only with their blood or tears"
"Me lord you should thank the Lord for your life and use it to live happily, not risking it once more only for the sake of vengeance, it is not worth it"
"It is my choice to make" at this point Squible can see the fire in his eyes "And I choose the death of mine enemies, I will kill them all until I become king, the crown is rightfully mine."
" Alright, but thou should not clame in the afterlife that I never told you. I do hope your sister is as beautiful as the portraits I saw, otherwise I would have risked my life as well for nothing"
A thorn went through Milligans body and up into his heart. He knew that Squible was only in it to bang his fine ass sister. It hurt him but was a necessity, he couldn't do it alone.
"Alright let us fire a test shot" Milligan tried to talk in a calm voice. They set up a boulder and fired. It landed close to the water. They were doing good for their first night shot
"That was good Squible, but we have to get the rock into the courtyard and under the tower"
"how shall we destroy the castle with mere rocks and one bomb?"
"I used to hide under that tower when we were young, I know it is very weak and nearing collapse. If we explode the front base that is supported by old timber, it would collapse onto the wall breaking it and letting the water inside. As I know Poldrid, she is most likely in the dungeon torturing a poor soul for her own desires. The water would rush in and drown her"
"Along with the poor soul being tortured?"
"It is inevitable"
"You are actually very clever for some one who fell into a shit hole, I am ready for the second"
"Tighten the rope a little, it has to land straight in, and remember once we hit the wall the guards will be alerted, so we better be swift in firing the bomb."
The second rock landed in the water ditch with a loud "lop"....well actually it made more of a "hssshhhhhhh" sound, but that's irrelevant.
Milligan and squible now knew it was all or nothing, as soon as the guards knew they would send out a party to hunt them down. Disassembling was not an option and they had the mule and wagon ready to drag the Trebuchet on its wheels out of there as soon as possible. This was it, the start and/or end of Milligans revenge against the shit-hole-in-throwers gang.
They fired the third rock, it flew right in the direction of the castle tower, they had the directions right. But it lost altitude too soon, cruising towards the wall. It crashed into the top part of the flimsy wall, collapsing a whole top section. Two guards patrolling fell instantly to their death.
"We are on target, Squible quick tighten the rope and adjust the angle as I light the bomb" Both men rushed to their chores. The Lord lit it with the small fire they had on the side for this purpose. Placed it in the correct position.
"Its tight and with higher angles"
"Fire!!!"
"what?"
"Fire!!!"
"Me lord actually it is pull!!! I pull the trigger"
The guards started assembling, the bombs kept nearing its detonation time
"Bloody fool pull the damn thing before it blows us up!!!"
And away it went, its pitch black color concealing it in the night, over the land, over the water ditch, through the gap in the wall created by the rock and finally underneath the tower.
The two men half cheered, full of excitement and adrenalin they waited for the blast. And what a blast it was, the bomb ripped out the bottom of the tower like a mole does to soft soil. Debris and projectiles flew everywhere, hitting and killing all they could. The tower began to shake and move, swinging around till it finally reached a tipping point. It crashed into the wall and digging deeper into the ground, letting the murky water flood inside. It knocked several guards and maidens to the floor. it rushed into every part of the castle.
The men where now dancing with joy, holding hands and hugging with utter excitement of having achieved some thing so original, so creative and so damn spectacular. It was a sight to behold and the small castle crumbled to the ground in its weaker parts. The water engulfed it.
There had been no time for the party to escape and so the men had nothing to fear, at this moment. After a long time of recollecting themselves and searching. They finally found the lady Poldrid, her life less body floated at the spot that used to be the tower.
A feeling of intense deep dark joy filled Milligans heart as he saw this and as they rode off. He had started his vengeance. He had announced his presence and his motives. He had began something that he would now have to finish. For everything there is a first.
And the first, had been the floating Lady in the water.
(Inspired by crush the castle)
