ForumsArt, Music, and WritingAn Emotional Story Part-2

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SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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Character Of a Person


Once there was a family of a boy, mother and father who lived in a town. They had a horse. They were very poor as they were the only people in the town who didn't own a car. They also had a garage which was in a deplorable state and their horse was an eyesore (Not good looking) Itâs hooves were spread wide apart which showed their poverty and the boy was ashamed of it.

The name of the boy was Jack. His mother was a very good person. She never let them feel that they were poor. She new the secrets of using brightly coloured curtains and painted in the right places. This gave the house a better look. She always told her family members that living on little inculcates moral values and if they had character, it was preferable to wealth.

His father was very generous and very honest. Though he got a moderate salary but he spent half of it for supporting his relatives.


Once there was a gala night of the country fair. There was very excitement as the winner of the Shining Buick(an expensive and a good car.) was going to be announced in the lottery. Time of waiting had ended and the winner was Jack's father.

The whole family was very excited and went to home but Jack decided to come late because he wanted to share his joy with his friends.

But when he returned home he saw that there was no sound of celebration and the house was dark. He was confused.

He rushed to his father to share his joy. But....He was shocked of his father's reaction. When he came to hug his father he pushed him away and snarled at him.

When he asked his mother that was the problem, she answered that his father had bought two tickets. One for his Boss and the other for himself. To distinguish between them he marked a small letter 'K' on ticket no. 348 on it's top right corner. The judges did not saw it and told the name of the buyer i.e. Jackâs father.

As his father was very honest, he was feeling depressed that should he give the car to his boss or keep it with himself as he had bought the tickets?

The boy was small and thought that it was an 'open and shut case'(a problem which can be solved easily). He thought that his father bought the tickets so the car belongs to his father not the boss.

His father was not practical about his family and had made the decision in his honesty. He ringed up the boss and told him the truth.

His boss was Jim Kendrick who was a millionaire but he was selfish and greedy. He owned a dozen cars. Instead of offering the car to Jack's father, he sent two chauffeurs to collect it and compensated for it by giving a box of cigars.

When the boy was small he didn't understood his father's decision but when he grew up he understood that by giving the car to the boss his father had proved that he had more character than his boss...

Thanx for reading
~~~SonnyDude~~~


If you were at the place of the boss, what would you have done?? Comments are welcome!!

  • 130 Replies
SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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I will try to improve and my next story will be better..

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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I will try to improve and my next story will be better..



You have a lot of work to do Sonny....
SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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Ya, you are correct as my my grammar is better than my choice of words...

Moabarmorgamer
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Moabarmorgamer
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Vote...I'm serious. Be nice to him. He's new, and the story's not that bad.

SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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To VoteSocialist-

I don't think that there was a single grammar mistake but only the words were at mistake...

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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I am only telling the truth, one must be Machiavellian on these issues.

SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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Ok, it is your opinon.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Where are all of the robot dinosaurs that shoot lazers when they roar?

Krizaz
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Krizaz
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I didn't like it. It was too modern and almost like you wanted to copy Slumdog Millionaire, it was also to short to have any meaning. Also it barely made any sense, commas too few, your paragraphs were confusing, and you had some run-on sentences. Really the story was too short.

SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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you wanted to copy Slumdog Millionaire, it was also to short to have any meaning


I did wanted tp make it like that..

Really the story was too short.


I wanted to make it short.
jezz
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jezz
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Don't you think everybody needs to stop criticising Sonny's story in such a harsh way?
He's accepted that his writings need improvement; no one is perfect at something the first time they try.
He asked alot of people for tips on how to write a story, hes tried as best he can, and his next stories should improve greatly with constructive criticism. Give him a chance guys.

I'd like to see some of you trying to write a decent story before you critisise Sonny's. I'm mainly talking to VoteSocialist here. Vote, I know you've said you're joking, but some of the things you've said were uncalled for.

Just drop it, let him write his next one.

Perhaps a thread title change is in order, Sonny?

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Don't you think everybody needs to stop criticising Sonny's story in such a harsh way?
He's accepted that his writings need improvement; no one is perfect at something the first time they try.
He asked alot of people for tips on how to write a story, hes tried as best he can, and his next stories should improve greatly with constructive criticism. Give him a chance guys.


Right, right, surrre. Like you don't ever criticize any stories/ TV/ movies you ever see. To be frank, in the world of story making expect to be critiqued
jezz
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jezz
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Yes I do critcise TV and film but what does that have to do with critcising a new writer in their writing thread on a gaming forum?

And yes, if you show your work to others you should expect to be critcised for it. But what you said was hardly polite nor fair.

I am, infact, something of a writer and from what I've read, I know how to critcise a little story better than you.

VoteSocialist
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VoteSocialist
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Ooops! I put a "here" instead of a "hear", I'm turing into a SunnyDude! D:

SonnyDude
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SonnyDude
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Ooops! I put a "here" instead of a "hear", I'm turing into a SunnyDude! D:


You are so STUPID VOTESOCIALIST, you say that I am weak in Grammar, but first see your's.

Neither you know the spelling of turning nor you copy my name correctly.

Before saying the weaknesses of others first improve your's own. You are a foolish guy who just wants to say bad about othere but himself knows nothing..
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