Forums

ForumsArt, Music, and Writing

Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

Thread Locked

Posted Jul 27, '12 at 10:48pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,971 posts

Reclusive palace,
Filled with thoughts of solitude,
Forever concealed.

 

Posted Jul 29, '12 at 4:53pm

GhostOfMatrix

GhostOfMatrix

11,687 posts

Knight

Lights out, so peaceful;
stressless, where dreams seem solid.
My sanctuary.

 

Posted Jul 29, '12 at 11:08pm

acmed

acmed

1,921 posts

Hey party pals! Acmed is back and ready as... crack!

I'm totally gonna copy off dudeguy's format of judging because to be honest, he's making me look bad. And plus, we need to regain the contest's former glory. So let's begin, shall we?
_____________________________________________________________________

The Less Detailed 50 Shades of Grey Award: rayoflight3

There once was a man,
and there once was a woman.
Sexy timez in bed.

This one really brought out emotion. I'm totally kidding. This one was very kid friendly indeed. Get Schoolastic on the phone bro. You got potential.

The Oxymoron for Morons Award: MoonFairy

Chirping of the birds,
Yet silence is all around,
Consumed by the green.

Consumed by the green kind of confused me there. Green as in grass? Specify? The two first lines made up for it, but in order to make a great haiku, every line has to matter. It's short poetry. Try again next time.

Poems of Matrimony Award: IC41

Hidden in my heart
You will have a special place
Now and forever

The detail itself was bit blank for me to really enjoy it. I think the lovey dovey thing made it worse. If it were interesting as an image, I would enjoy it more.

ERMAGHERD ITZ ZUMMER Award: Hermes_the_Squid

The trees sway softly,
The birds chirp a cheery tune,
Summer is now here

I like the fact you chose a season as your secret place. No one else seem to have done that. The two The's in the second and third line kind of made it sound odd. The last line was maybe a little too cliche. But other than that, not a bad attempt

The Couch Pillow Fort Award: CheapCheap

Just beyond the lake
There lies a secret cavern
For the two of us

I imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written. The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family? I would either change the last line, or specify it. Good job other than that.

Noble Hell Rise Prize: killersup10   

hiding in the cave
making new experiments
ungodly hell rose

Ungodly. That word stood out in this one. A wonderful way to finish it, which kind of made up for the middle line. A bit dull and generic for a crazy man in the cave.

Darkness is Pretty Award: GhostofMatrix

Lights out, so peaceful;
stressless, where dreams seem solid.
My sanctuary.

This is the first one I've seen so far without mentioning the literal term of the theme. I can see a man closing his eyes in the night, mind at work and letting everything be. I have nothing bad to say. Your sanctuary is well written dude! Keep it up!

Emperor's Dungeon Award: EmperorPalpatine

Reclusive palace,
Filled with thoughts of solitude,
Forever concealed.

I like the trapped theme of this one. Each line contributed to the poem's rhythm in a certain way. They match up greatly with eachother, and that makes a well written haiku. Bravo to you!

"i went 1way, butt den i whent, da odder way" Award: Darktroop07

Isolated place.
Hidden under your darkness.
Alone just for me.

This is the same as the previous one. They all contribute to the theme you placed. But the difference between yours and Emp's, is that you don't have a set in stone theme. That's fine, just a bit confusing. Under YOUR darkness turns into alone just for ME. A bit iffy, but it was a good one overall.

_____________________________________________________________________

Okay, so after a good 5 hours of procrastinating watching Olympic Women Volleyball, I finished. And the victor, is our good ol friend...

GHOSTOFMATRIX!

He had one hell of a haiku, and gets a mer... ry go round!

http://selfmadefitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/merry_go_round-01.jpg

Good job to everyone! Thanks for participating! Now, I'd still like feedback on my judging. Better than before? Hope so. LET'S BRING BACK THE HAIKU CONTEST TO ITS GLORY!

Here's a kick in the nuts for ya: Message in a Bottle. YA YOU LIKE DAT IDIOT.

Due August 5th.

Happy Haiku'ing, peace to your mother.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 5:11am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Guess I didn't do so well in conveying a forest, eh? Didn't think it would be to hard to figure out, but oh well. I don't know why I have this feeling that you called me a moron, but I'm not a bad sport. Congrats to Matrix, and I do hope I'll do better next time.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 8:48am

GhostOfMatrix

GhostOfMatrix

11,687 posts

Knight

Thanks. First I got some turnips, and now a merry go round. It would be better if it was a trip to Disney World, but I can't complain.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 3:12pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,950 posts

Could you try to be a little more serious?

For example:

Here's a kick in the nuts for ya: Message in a Bottle. YA YOU LIKE DAT IDIOT.

Try and show a little professionalism. You're doing something that plenty of other people would love to do, and you're kind of treating it like a joke.

Instead, try and say things like,

Here's the next up-and-coming theme: MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE. Good luck to everyone participating!

I guess I just don't like how you say things like kick in the nuts, or you like that, idiot. It isn't very nice and I feel its pushing some possible participants away. I know you're trying to be funny, but back off a little bit. You're a poetry judge, not a comedian.

-Steps of Soapbox-

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 3:44pm

wolf1991

wolf1991

3,061 posts

Waves and wind carry
Messages to unknown shores
About a man's dream.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 3:48pm

CheapCheep

CheapCheep

170 posts

Last time wasn't specific. Pfffft, critics...

Message in A Bottle

My pencil and I
Get working on this letter
And send it ashore

*Just then, the writer suffers a fatal heart attack realizing he sucks at these contests*

*So he makes up another haiku for the fun of it*

Writer's Block

My head hits the desk
I cant think of anything
Worth writing right now

*I am bored out of my mind. I have had writers block for a long time now. There's nothing to do. :( *

Good luck whoever wins cause' right now I cant write for crap.

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 3:58pm

CheapCheep

CheapCheep

170 posts

And now, let me start out by pointing out some of the things the critic had to say about me...Because I am now a critic to the critic.

Critic-ception...

The Couch Pillow Fort Award: CheapCheap

CheapCheep. Not CheapCheap. That sounds like some annoying bird species. Dont get me started on "Pillow Forts".

I imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written.

Thank you.

The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family?

I liked your first 2 lines...in your critique. Let me clarify something. Family with me in a secret hiding spot. More than likely, I would be AWAY from my family. (Dont ask) Friend? Probably not, two "friends" in a secret cavern? That sounds like an old perv leading children into the sewer. Girlfriend? Yes. I was trying to let the reader INFERENCE who I was with.

I would either change the last line, or specify it.

Well there you go. I specified it. Done.

Good job...

Thank you...again.

...other than that.

:( Ego. Deflated.

Anyway, not trying to be mean. This is for clarification purposes only (and to make me laugh every time I read it).

 

Posted Jul 30, '12 at 4:00pm

acmed

acmed

1,921 posts

I guess I just don't like how you say things like kick in the nuts, or you like that, idiot. It isn't very nice and I feel its pushing some possible participants away. I know you're trying to be funny, but back off a little bit. You're a poetry judge, not a comedian.

I say what comes to mind. Kick in the nuts comes from a Youtube video from McGoiter, and the like that idiot is from Mario Twins. I say what's on my mind. It makes it a little bit more fun for me.