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Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Posted Nov 10, '12 at 10:11pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,327 posts

I don't see any submissions coming in.

Oh and...

 

  Uprising (because I happen to remember it)

It happens to still be in the thread title for some reason...

I have already done my duty, twice. I've spoken to a moderator about changing the title twice. So, I don't have much control about the title anymore.

 

Posted Nov 10, '12 at 11:47pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,137 posts

I've spoken to a moderator about changing the title twice.

I've had to do that before. I guess they're a lot busier due to the updates and stuff. Well, it's fixed now: better late than never. Hopefully it'll generate a surge of participation, since there's little time left in the round.

 

Posted Nov 11, '12 at 5:00pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

1,647 posts

Here is my first attempt at a haiku :)

The tunnel's frail light
Guides only the heaviest of souls
Enlightened, again.

A darker approach which in longer words kinda means this:
After death, you heart may be heavy, but keep going and find heaven.
Like it? =)

 

Posted Nov 11, '12 at 5:36pm

GhostOfMatrix

GhostOfMatrix

10,769 posts

^ Haiku's here must be in a 5-7-5 syllable template. Your middle line is too long.

 

Posted Nov 11, '12 at 10:00pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

1,647 posts

^ Haiku's here must be in a 5-7-5 syllable template. Your middle line is too long.

Poopies. :P I mistakenly took heaviest for a one syllable word lol... My mistake i'll redo that line...

The tunnel's frail light
Is the end of a journey.
But only just one

Again a darker approach... Does you like it? :)

 

Posted Nov 12, '12 at 12:33am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,137 posts

Does you like it? :)

It's fine, it meets the requirements, but the last line is a bit clunky. 'Only just' seems repetitive, as either word would communicate the message. Repetition isn't usually favorable in haiku, other than for a strong emphasis, as it uses up precious syllables. Offhand, I can think of no less than 5 concise alternative lines, but that's just my input. You're not required to change anything, so don't feel that you have to.

 

Posted Nov 12, '12 at 3:39pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

1,647 posts

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
5000th post :D Congrats EmperorPalpatine :D

And yeah i don't think it's that good either... I couldn't think of anything else at that stressed moment... Lemme think about it. :P

The tunnel's frail light
Is the end of a journey.
A well fought battle.

Okay... This is my final revision. It seems to make more sense...

And am i the only submission lol...?

 

Posted Nov 12, '12 at 4:11pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,327 posts

Today is the twelfth of November. That means that all Haiku's are due today. No more submissions will be accepted, unless I am otherwise mistaken.
That said, my next post will be to announce the winner and the two runner-ups. Good luck people!

 

Posted Nov 12, '12 at 4:23pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,327 posts

I know, I know, I said my next post would be to announce the winner's but to answer your question, xXxDAPRO89xXx:

And am i the only submission lol...?

No, you're not. You have at least six submissions behind you.

 

Posted Nov 12, '12 at 4:35pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

1,647 posts

No, you're not. You have at least six submissions behind you

Oh yeah there are six behind me... All on page 497 :P