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Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Posted Dec 5, '12 at 12:19pm

xerox

xerox

308 posts

Let me change that to :

Cold air passes through...
Winter finally is here:
Paradise of ice!

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 2:15pm

GhostOfHorror

GhostOfHorror

801 posts

"Winter is finally here" flows better, at least in my opinion.

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 5:39pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,972 posts

Like a cold area of ice

Still too many syllables:
Like(1) a(2) cold(3) ar(4)e(5)a(6) of(7) ice(8)

Its where I keep all my food

"Its" (posessive) should be "It's" (contraction of "It is").

Winter finally is here!

If you're keeping that particular phrasing, there should be commas before and after "finally".

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 6:25pm

pickpocket

pickpocket

3,327 posts

"Its" (posessive) should be "It's" (contraction of "It is").

Oh please. you know I hardly ever use apostrophes.

Paradise of ice
It's where I keep all my food
Refrigerator

Happy?

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 7:06pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

59 posts

The cold air of ice,
Brings a feel of paradise
Paradise of ice.

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 9:07pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

3,549 posts

It's funny how like everyone (including me) is using Paradise of ice in their haikus... Thats a lucky coincedence ^^

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 11:47pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

59 posts

It's funny how like everyone (including me) is using Paradise of ice in their haikus.

Well, it's a perfect 5-syllable phrase. And I thought that we had to use it XD

 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 3:28am

GhostOfHorror

GhostOfHorror

801 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase, it's just a guideline on what to write about.

 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 6:54pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,972 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase

If anything, I advise against it because redundancy is redundant.

 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 7:02pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

59 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase, it's just a guideline on what to write about.

I know now. First time posting here, so...yeah. Now I know not to use it...right?