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Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Posted Dec 5, '12 at 12:19pm

xerox

xerox

513 posts

Let me change that to :

Cold air passes through...
Winter finally is here:
Paradise of ice!

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 2:15pm

GhostOfHorror

GhostOfHorror

900 posts

"Winter is finally here" flows better, at least in my opinion.

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 5:39pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,477 posts

Like a cold area of ice

Still too many syllables:
Like(1) a(2) cold(3) ar(4)e(5)a(6) of(7) ice(8)

Its where I keep all my food

"Its" (posessive) should be "It's" (contraction of "It is&quot.

Winter finally is here!

If you're keeping that particular phrasing, there should be commas before and after "finally".
 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 6:25pm

pickpocket

pickpocket

5,895 posts

"Its" (posessive) should be "It's" (contraction of "It is&quot.

Oh please. you know I hardly ever use apostrophes.

Paradise of ice
It's where I keep all my food
Refrigerator

Happy?
 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 7:06pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

62 posts

The cold air of ice,
Brings a feel of paradise
Paradise of ice.

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 9:07pm

xXxDAPRO89xXx

xXxDAPRO89xXx

5,964 posts

It's funny how like everyone (including me) is using Paradise of ice in their haikus... Thats a lucky coincedence ^^

 

Posted Dec 5, '12 at 11:47pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

62 posts

It's funny how like everyone (including me) is using Paradise of ice in their haikus.


Well, it's a perfect 5-syllable phrase. And I thought that we had to use it XD
 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 3:28am

GhostOfHorror

GhostOfHorror

900 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase, it's just a guideline on what to write about.

 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 6:54pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,477 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase

If anything, I advise against it because redundancy is redundant.
 

Posted Dec 6, '12 at 7:02pm

Roxxar123

Roxxar123

62 posts

You don't have to do put the words of the theme in your phrase, it's just a guideline on what to write about.


I know now. First time posting here, so...yeah. Now I know not to use it...right?