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Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Posted Dec 24, '12 at 12:00am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,011 posts

@Lee_Blade
Please confirm which one is your final entry before the round ends.

 

Posted Dec 25, '12 at 1:32am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,011 posts

Well, now that the round's over, I'll count that last entry as your final submission, unless you state otherwise before I'm done judging, which should be Friday.

 

Posted Dec 25, '12 at 1:55am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,011 posts

I'll probably get it done before Friday because there are only 10 entries this round (unless I missed someone's). Murasaki controls the next round, so I suppose she could give the new theme early in case some of you want to draft your poems (but don't post them until the next round officially starts).

In the meantime, make sure I've got everyone's:

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pangtongshu

Blood dries on his knife
We curse, despite our hunger
As he hands us bread

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marton96

Though I am not nice
Cheer and spice and happy things
Always make me smile

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nichodemus

She teases in red,
Giggles with faux innocence,
Tugging at my tie.

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MagicTree

Blazing fire, chilled ice,
Between the edge of two worlds.
Naughty? Rather, nice?

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xerox

Naughty or just Nice?
There are presents for you all
Santa do not cares.

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killersup10 (CAN'T WIN THIS ROUND!)

A bloody soaked shirt
Small armies terrorize them
The fat man in charge

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xXxDAPRO89xXx

You naughty or nice?
Better make up your mind soon!
Or coal you shall get!

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Maverick4

Friend, what have you done?
Innocent blood you have spilled,
To placate the crowd.

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Arceus12

Good, good or bad, bad,
If you're good nobody cares,
But cops will get you.

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Lee_Blade

Be good,Christ loves you
Be bad,devils will get you
Good or bad?choose one

--------------------

 

Posted Dec 25, '12 at 1:48pm

pain111

pain111

16 posts

i know very good what the word ,,Haiku ,, is by the way ๅนธใ›ใจๅ...ƒๆฐ-ใซใ‚ใชใŸใซใ™ในใฆใฎ็-›ใฟใ€ๆœฌๅฝ"ใซ่ˆˆๅ'ณๆทฑใ„ใƒ•ใ‚ฉใƒผใƒฉใƒ ใใ‚"ใชใซๅ-œใณใ‚'็ถญๆŒใ-ใŸใ„...

 

Posted Dec 25, '12 at 10:01pm

killersup10

killersup10

1,789 posts

Killersup never got his bucket of oranges as his prize from last week....

Take your time Emp.

 

Posted Dec 26, '12 at 4:20pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,344 posts

Well, it seems I a little late posting the NEW theme. So, here it is:

Restoration

But like Emperor said, don't post your poems until the new round starts: OFFICIALLY, in other words, wait until you see the results of this round and you see me post the due date for the ensuing round.

 

Posted Dec 28, '12 at 7:48pm

xerox

xerox

312 posts

Restoration? Hmmm i should think on that. I keep on failing in making haiku so this time im gonna make few of them and combine the best parts for more dramatic results.

 

Posted Dec 29, '12 at 1:43am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,011 posts

Hopefully, copying from Notepad will work...

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pangtongshu

Blood dries on his knife
We curse, despite our hunger
As he hands us bread

Ah, the kind executioner. A tasteful twist on the theme. I like the overall imagery. It's difficult to paint a picture in so few words, but you did.

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marton96

Though I am not nice
Cheer and spice and happy things
Always make me smile

The alliteration was good (Make Me sMile). I like the uplifting simplicity of this one. There are plenty of 2 syllable words that could've filled the space for 'not nice', but 'not nice' seems to be the most fitting.

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nichodemus

She teases in red,
Giggles with faux innocence,
Tugging at my tie.

Woah now. Well, my internet security was blocking the thread for porn due to 'naughty' in the title anyway, so whatever.
This has a great flow due to the alliteration (shE tEases; fAUX innOcence).

--------------------
MagicTree

Blazing fire, chilled ice,
Between the edge of two worlds.
Naughty? Rather, nice?

The sharp contrast really illustrates the theme. It depicts the Yin-Yang balance of our choices. Very nice.

--------------------
xerox

Naughty or just Nice?
There are presents for you all
Santa do not cares.

*does not care
Other than that, it reminds us that this is a time of generosity for everyone to enjoy. And that reminds me of this.

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killersup10 (CAN'T WIN THIS ROUND!)

A bloody soaked shirt
Small armies terrorize them
The fat man in charge

Who is "them"? "Bloody soaked" doesn't make sense. "Blood soaked" is the usual expression, but the syllable count would be off.
Anyway, I see that you went for the Naughty side. This reminds me of Stalin and his Secret Police. Very naughty, indeed.

--------------------
xXxDAPRO89xXx

You naughty or nice?
Better make up your mind soon!
Or coal you shall get!

I don't know how one could recite this without using an east-coast mobster accent. It would've been far better if the adverse consequence was abstractly implied instead of directly stated.

--------------------
Maverick4

Friend, what have you done?
Innocent blood you have spilled,
To placate the crowd.

I can't help but be reminded of Mark 15.

--------------------
Arceus12

Good, good or bad, bad,
If you're good nobody cares,
But cops will get you.

This feels incomplete, as though it needs another line to convey the meaning of the last line. I understand that you meant "but if you commit a crime, cops will get you", but it's much better if the full message is in the poem itself. Condensing a full idea to 17 words or less is a challenge. Rise to it.
Anyway, I like that it shows the one-sidedness of society doing too little to exemplify good behavior, and instead focusing on the negative. A good idea, but unfinished.

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Lee_Blade

Be good,Christ loves you
Be bad,devils will get you
Good or bad?choose one

A very blunt, black-and-white interpretation. I would've preferred a Paradise Lost twist instead.

--------------------
And the winner is...

(extremely long dramatic pause)

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Maverick4

This was the sort of interpretation I was hoping for: Something that, to some, was considered good, but to others, bad; it exemplified a pitfall of the Principle of Utility with elegance. Well done.

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Maverick4's poem will be proudly displayed in the about of the account HaikuContestWinners, at least until an official archive is made.

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The next theme, as chosen by murasaki9, is: Restoration. She will be judging and will give the due date soon. Have fun, everyone!

 

Posted Dec 29, '12 at 1:48am

nichodemus

nichodemus

12,164 posts

Knight

My Thanksgivings winner is still not on the page. :)

Thanks for judging again~.

 

Posted Dec 29, '12 at 2:10am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

5,011 posts

My Thanksgivings winner is still not on the page. :)

Fix'd (or at least it should be).

Thanks for judging again~.

Anytime.

Oh, and
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT THINGY!!!
For me, school starts in a little over 2 weeks. It shouldn't be much trouble because these don't take very long (at least when there are few entries), but I'll be searching for another co-judge again. If you are interested in the position and you'll have the time and can show that you have a decent understanding of poetry and can interpret deeper meanings in it, please massage me, and also send me a message.